Hugs, I can't imagine what you have been going through
Hugs, it's a horrible situation I'd let DH do it since it's his family (and it will be more real for all of them). I hope it goes smoothly.
I have a similar thing going on in my family and I can't speak to them. My mum seems to be in denial and she's talking pretty badly about the victim (says they are trying to get his money, have been coached by the evil step parents to lie etc.). It's so shocking, it just breaks any trust I had in any of them.
Hugs green mumma I really hope you can work through this
I've just read through and wanted to offer you big hugs; I want to say you and your DH are doing so well handling this even though it probably doesn't feel that way sometimes! You've made all the right decisions and stood by the facts rather than falling into denial for convenience..
I'm not sure if I read this wrong (I was writhing with upset reading through so may have misconstrued some facts) but did you mention that you are 100% certain he hasn't abused your children? May I ask why you are 100% certain? Is it because they've never ever been alone with him?
If it's just that they are still very young, and please don't take this as me assuming, but that is really not a reason to be 100% certain nothing has happened. Was I right in reading he has fantasised about sexually abusing them? Or was that another granddaughter?
Trickle truth is something that he has seemed to be using since all of this began- he only releases what has already been found out because he has to- the case has found him sharing horrific images and sharing fantasies so that's what he admits to (eventually, when he has to, and as downplayed as possible) but no child/ren have (yet) come forward to expose him of actively molesting/raping them- so why would he admit to that? It'd be the same as expecting he would admit to what he has been caught doing before being caught- he wouldn't. And he didn't.
Think about it, a man who has no qualms in actively sharing images of children being raped, abused, tortured, who fantasises in doing these things to his own flesh and blood grand kids and actively puts ownership on others/trickle truths/assumes it will all just go away draws the line at abusing children? Do you truly honestly think he has never acted? If he was in that kind of control of himself why act at all and risk his name through child p0rn/ chatting to minors?
I think (and feel free to dismiss this) that it would be extremely wise to seek out counselling for the kids too- and honestly, assuming something certainly may have happened to them- whether they ever say so or not- just treat it as if it has happened and getting the things in place needed to help them recover as early in childhood as possible.
I came forward about my bio dad when I was 12. He started molesting me when I was somewhere between 2-3. I was walking I remember that much- but there is never a time I can say it wasn't happening. So for him there was no real age to draw the line- for all I know he was doing it while I was a newborn baby? :/ unfortunately, there is no limit to this sickness.
He trickle truthed in court and denied everything he could. Why do time for things no one could prove? For others who came forward about him later- he flat out denied everything and often got let off.
Someone extremely close to me who I grew up with (family wise) has autism and a range of severe health issues- did not remember the thigs that happened to her until early last year (this is called repressed trauma)
When the Daniel Morcombe case was in the news something triggered her and she remembered everything. This has led to several suicide attempts and a new court case where he is denying everything since it happened so long ago and she must be crazy. The damage is irreparable.
Anyway- what I'm saying is it's better to err on the side of caution in terms of making sure your babies heal from whatever very well may have happened to them, if that makes sense?
You both sound like incredibly strong people and these PiL of yours sound like slime (sorry but yes also mil)
I wonder if she would hold true so strongly if she was sat down to personally witness the content that her dear husband finds so sexy...
Big hugs to you!!! Really- you sound like an amazing woman. I'm glad to hear SD is recovering well and hope beyond hope you can all work your way through this horror and come out the other side of it happy and free again.
I also agree with what another pp said- holding a memorial service for the PIL you once held in your hearts (regardless of their true existence) sounds like a really helpful, healthy idea- it's important to acknowledge that you loved what you at the time thought were two very lovely, close family members xxxx
Last edited by KiWolf; 07-03-2015 at 17:22.
Oh and definitely get in contact with Bravehearts! They're Australia's leading organisation for helping families who are dealing with child sexual abuse etc. Their founder Hetty Johnston is an absolutely incredible woman who has (I believe?) had her own battles with this topic.
Also reading through my first post it sounds almost aggressive- I definitely don't mean it to be!!
I really feel for you and none of this is at all your fault or responsibility!! I probably only come a cross so passionate because the topic hits home so very hard- all the best to you in handling this awful situation that you absolutely do not deserve to have to be dealing with. Xo
Hey KiWolf I'm so sorry to hear about to hear about your experience. You are so strong. Thankfully I am 100% sure nothing has happened to my girls - they are only 2.5 and 9mths old and have never been left alone with either grandparent for a minute. As for my partners daughter who is 17, we have no reason to think anything has happened to her. Unfortunately she still doesn't know what has happened because my DH hasn't let her or her mother know yet. I am really upset about this and desperately want them to know but am trying to be patient with my DH until he is ready to tell them.
Oh and no you didn't come across as aggressive at all! I really appreciate it all x
Oh and yes I just looked up Bravehearts the other day and am definitely going to get in contact with them. I need some advice on how to get through to DH how vital it is that DSD and her mum know ASAP. It's eating me up.
I know this is a horrible situation to be in. But just remember it's a situation THEY made, not you.
What it comes down to is two horrible options. Cut his family out altogether, or risk your children being abused. At the end of the day you don't have a choice, and I think deep down your husband knows that. Ask him if he could honestly have his father around the kids now?
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