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  1. #101
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    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
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    such a terrible situation for any one to have to face. I really cant add any more advice, I do want to say I will be thinking of you all. Only your husband and your children need your support and care, ignore and avoid your inlaws. what is really horrid about this, is how long has this been going on?? This behaviour often starts and continues for many years undetected. what a nightmare. I am so sorry for you, and your dh. marie.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Devastated29 View Post
    We both spoke to MIL via text this morning and DH briefly spoke to FIL. It's just a mess. She is standing by him completely but says she is shocked and unbelievably sad. She said "we have known for a while but didn't want to tell anyone until it was resolved as we knew it would be a huge worry".

    MIL is holding on to the fact that as far as we know he hasn't physically abused anyone; she said to me "he has never harmed a child - it was all fantasy".
    Her perception of the situation sounds distorted. From what you have said here her big worry is fil's court case whereas your (and most people's) big worry is his behaviour. MIL assumed you and dh would share 'that worry'. She seems to not understand the connection between fantasy and child abuse. With that lack of insight MIL does not have the ability to protect your children and I would be blocking her too for that very reason.

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  4. #103
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    Yes sadly studies have found that generally these fantasies and inclinations have been there forever within someone.

    Chances are that it has always been part of your FIL from as far as he can remember. They are delusional cause they see themselves as young and kids so they don't think they are doing anything bad.

    Such a heart breaking situation for you
    Have you had a chance to get onto counseling yet?

  5. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    Her perception of the situation sounds distorted. From what you have said here her big worry is fil's court case whereas your (and most people's) big worry is his behaviour. MIL assumed you and dh would share 'that worry'. She seems to not understand the connection between fantasy and child abuse. With that lack of insight MIL does not have the ability to protect your children and I would be blocking her too for that very reason.
    Yes this is exactly what DH and I were discussing last night. The fact that I asked "how long have you known MIL?" And she replied "WE have known for a while". From everything she has said and her actions it seems like she thinks this only "started" when he was charged. She is not seeing clearly at all and that makes her dangerous.

    We will be cutting them out of our lives. It's not that easy though, they are entangled in every part of our lives. It's not as though I can perform an obliviate spell and any thought or part of them disappears. DH said last night "it would be easier if they just died - they have made it so it feels like I'm the one killing them". It's just awful.

    Anyway, SD is having a 12 hour brain surgery today so we are focusing on her!

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    Good luck for SD, I hope everything goes ok

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  8. #106
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    I hope the surgery goes well today

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    Thinking of you all. Praying that sd surgery goes well.

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  12. #108
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    thinking of you guys. You sound like an amazing couple and as hard as it is at the moment, just remember that you have each other to lean on. Hope your SD's surgery goes well.

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  14. #109
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    Thinking of you all, hope the surgery is going well

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  16. #110
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    Thanks everyone everything has gone well and as expected to so far, about an hour to go. She was very brave going in!

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