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  1. #11
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    When DD1 wakes I only sit at the end of her bed or next to her bed, I won't hop in and cuddle her (even though I want to). Too rewarding for a cuddle!

    I also do rewards in the morning if she sleeps in her own bed all night. DD1 has just turned 3 and is addicted to the lullabies feature on the monitor. I have to play it when she goes to sleep each night and sometimes when she wakes up. Yeah it's not ideal, but it gets me out of her room. My motto is whatever gets me out of the room fastest!

    I had to drop her nap right back at about 18 months. I wouldn't let him sleep more than 2 hours and not past 2.30. It's brutal but it helped our nights.

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  3. #12
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    I think the point I always reach is where I am just so sleep deprived my sanity or health is at risk so given the choice between continuing down that path or letting my child cry I have to choose the latter. Either DH or I are always with them (sleeping on the floor of their room) while we do this. But given I have to work and look after other kids I have to be able to function.
    @harvs it's horrible and it sux. When you say you've tried everything what have you done?

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  5. #13
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    Not sure if any of this will help but DD has been a PITA to get to sleep and stay asleep by herself the last few weeks but she is older than your DS (she will be 4 in Dec). She complained that she was scared. Whilst I'm sympathetic about being scared of the dark I'm another hard-nut after an age depending on their own development and understanding.

    What has worked for us is that she gets to sleep with the light on (it's just dimmed a little), and my ipod is playing winne the pooh stories next to her bed (nice sedate stories narrated by Alan Bennett). We have also had to just be really tough with her when she cried out. We reassured her plenty of times, told her we loved her, we were right outside the door (her bedroom door is about 5 steps away from the living room). For the last 2 nights she has gone to sleep on her own and only woken twice during the night but it was only for a drink, cuddle or to start the stories again. I really thought I had done my dues trying to manage her sleep (or lack of it) when she was a baby.

    DS used to wake during the night and he came into our bed during the night until he was 4.5. He had different issues going on though. He had a severe speech delay which affected his comprehension and reasoning skills. It was habit for him to come into our bed but because he only had limited communication skills there was no way around it without being extremely traumatic for him. (It would be like changing a routine for a child with ASD without any prior warning.) Between the ages of about 1 to 3 we would often put The Wiggles on the DVD player in our room and he could watch that laying in bed. He was enthralled with The Wiggles, it was about the only thing that actually engaged him so he would at least lay still and be quiet whilst we slept/dozed. I don't want to think about the amount of times I've been serenaded to sleep by The Big Red Car.

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  7. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    - don't feed your DS (unless sick etc) or give him any attention or form of entertainment when he wakes at night. No DVDs, no eye contact, no lights on.
    - don't bring the day nap forward to compensate. Keep your DS up to the normal nap time even if it is a struggle. Put your DS down for the night at the normal time.
    (Putting him down earlier or giving entertainment will encourage continued night wakings).
    - don't let your DS sleep any later than 3pm if you want him in bed by 7.
    - don't change your sleeping arrangements through the night. If your DS is hopping into your bed at midnight then he is going to continue to wake at that time so he can hop in your bed.
    - ensure your DS has appropriate bedding is warm enough etc. cotton/bamboo bedding is preferred, polyester etc can lead to sweating
    - get rid of any negative sleep aids. Do not pat/use a dummy/play music to get your DS to sleep. Instead use comforter with your smell on it.

    Be consistent. Tough love can be hard in the beginning (eg a few nights of Wobblies if you make a stand about ds1 not coming into your bed) but if this is something you can do you will reap the rewards in the medium-long term. It can take up to a week for changes to take affect. Don't give up after 2-3 days

    Good luck
    Hi harvs. My son is almost 2 as well and recently went through a waking up phase. I agree with vicpark, it might take a few nights but hang in there! You'll feel like a different woman after some decent sleep. Once you realize that the tough love isn't hurting them it will make you more confident.

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  9. #15
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    My sympathies Harvs my daughter was a shocking sleeper too, we finally hit a wall a couple of months ago I went through an horrific 3 week stint with her and I had to work full time during it with a busy stressful job where you absolutely need to be switched on, it broke me, I got to the point where I just wanted to hurt her, it hurts to say that but sleep deprivation warps your thoughts changes absolutely the way you think. On the last really bad night I just couldn't get up to her and let her scream it out, I could hear her but couldn't have gotten up if the house was on fire, I was beyond exhausted. I think it broke the habit because mostly since, she has been very good with her sleep I haven't gotten up to her for awhile.

    So although I didn't make the conscious decision to not get up, that night of being unable to get up seemed to cure it, DD was 2 1/2 and I have to admit she is much nicer company on decent sleep we both are!

    Scary times though, very scary I was at the brink, if something didn't change I think I would have hurt her.

    Single parent like you with absolutely no back up, like you. I tend to think now what the greater good/evil is. You need sleep and he needs sleep. Things can fall apart so quickly

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  11. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mokeybear View Post
    My sympathies Harvs my daughter was a shocking sleeper too, we finally hit a wall a couple of months ago I went through an horrific 3 week stint with her and I had to work full time during it with a busy stressful job where you absolutely need to be switched on, it broke me, I got to the point where I just wanted to hurt her, it hurts to say that but sleep deprivation warps your thoughts changes absolutely the way you think. On the last really bad night I just couldn't get up to her and let her scream it out, I could hear her but couldn't have gotten up if the house was on fire, I was beyond exhausted. I think it broke the habit because mostly since, she has been very good with her sleep I haven't gotten up to her for awhile.

    So although I didn't make the conscious decision to not get up, that night of being unable to get up seemed to cure it, DD was 2 1/2 and I have to admit she is much nicer company on decent sleep we both are!

    Scary times though, very scary I was at the brink, if something didn't change I think I would have hurt her.

    Single parent like you with absolutely no back up, like you. I tend to think now what the greater good/evil is. You need sleep and he needs sleep. Things can fall apart so quickly
    I'm glad I'm not the only one who has moments like this. You're doing it on your own though, my hat is off to you!

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  13. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by HopefulK View Post
    I'm glad I'm not the only one who has moments like this. You're doing it on your own though, my hat is off to you!
    Thank you, it's a hard thing to be honest about, but it doesn't really help anyone by pretending those feelings haven't been felt, I think the majority of us have been there, it's a tough gig parenting!

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  15. #18
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    I dont have a toddler so feel free to ignore me but I remember as a kid my mum would never let us sleep in bed with her but we could come in lay next to the bed and she would hold our hand. Maybe start by insisting he sleeps on the but can hold your hand, even if he does carry on you can still be there for him but have some boundaries.

    You have my sympathy, no sleep sucks. I have a sleep challenged baby and it just seems that nothing works and if you ask for help you are told to just let them cry (not on bh, there has been some great advice) and it seems to push you further and further away from reaching out.

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  17. #19
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    Subbing. Constant battles with 20 month old DD.

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  19. #20
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Thanks again to all who have contributed and comiserations to those in the same boat.

    VP, I don't have leave as such until the end of the year for school holidays, and I don't have anyone who can help out for a full week, which is why it's challenging. And thank you for your big list of suggestions, I really do appreciate it.
    @Sonja I was lucky enough that when he is well, DS basically started sleeping through when he started childcare. When unwell the rules are different. He is most often unwell since cc which adds to the challenge, but I would often pick him up to help him cough and shh pat back to sleep. Sometimes I would lie next to the crib and put my hand through if necessary and pat the mattress. For the past eleven weeks I have tried those things as well as offering water, staying with him and gradually moving away, trying to control the temperature in his room, bringing the crib into my room so we are sleeping close together, rocking him to sleep, putting on white noise and music, a nightlight, total darkness, sitting in his room, leaving him alone, ignoring him etc. I won't take his dummy but that's the next step on the road, although he falls asleep with it in and doesn't wake if it falls out. I also have suspicions that he has night terrors which adds another layer to it all.

    I have a deal with myself that I will try to resettle him for an hour at a time before I can co sleep. But those feelings of worrying that I'm going to be tempted to hurt him are getting stronger. It's really frustrating when he's wide awake and wants to play. I can cope when he's crying because I can fix that with cuddles, but when he cries hysterically if he's apart from me then spends four hours climbing over me and punching me I start to lose my mind a bit. It's very hard not to react to that.

    He has a horrible cold tonight and can't breathe properly so I imagine I'll be sitting up holding him upright so he can sleep, but I will have to pick a date and just go through with it, even if I'm exhausted at work. It's not really any different from usual!

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