Accidental double post
Id tell her to butt out and if she has a problem with how dinner is done at our house well then maybe she shouldn't be around at this time anymore!
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I'd just say what I felt, as I always do.
'Mum, it's fine, I'll deal with this, you go relax (or other colourful advice!).
I always step in when I need to no matter who it is!
Ok here's what I did:
1) shaking of the head: I looked at mum and said "what's up?" She stopped shaking her head and said "nothing."
2) trying to get ds1 to feed himself: I walked over and said, with raised eyebrows, "let him do it himself." Then I proceeded to say "come on DS1 it's your turn now, I know you can do a good job and take a big mouthful." Ds1 then had a big mouthful.
I would have just ignored the head shaking. But the attempted force feeding would not be met with pleasant words from me Not that my mum would ever do something like that, but whenever we have a disagreement on how things should be done with DS, I usually nip it in the bud fairly quickly by saying something like "He is our son and we will decide how/when/what/etc".
But I'm pretty lucky because for the most part, Mum and I agree on most things. The MIL is another story
I like your course if action. I can't *stand* passive aggressive comments / actions. And mealtimes can be very stressful in our house since DD is going through a fussy stage with her eating and dinner times are the worst since she's tired and ratty. I actually hate anyone else being over for dinner at the moment as it really interferes with her eating and tends to set off the fussiness even more! So I possibly wouldn't have handled the situation as patiently as you VP!
Here's a follow up: this morning ds1 left the table between his weet-bix and toast courses and was playing in another room. He had a bit of a whinge when I dragged him (not literally) back to the table for toast.
My mother said in a cranky voice "what's all that whinging for" and as I was putting ds1 back into his chair and explaining he had to have toast, then teeth, then toilet, then peppa etc... My mum interrupts and says "if you don't eat, there's no TV."
My response: "mum. I've got it under control." No further comments.
On a side note, the house guests leave today...
For the first one I probably would have shook my head back in an over exaggerated way...because I am mature like that
The second thing I would have said "Mum, this isn't 1950's anymore - we don't force feed children theses days" - in a really sarcastic voice.
Not that I think these responses are good things to do - but I can tell that is the kind of thing I would have said, my mum drives me crazy sometimes
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