I'd just say "mum leave my kid alone".
You may have thrown your mum out bodily and told her to never harken your doors again.
2) I'd have tell mum to let DS1 be, that in this house we let people be in charge of how much and how quick they need to feed themselves.
Id ignore the head shake and probably say 'leave him alone, you're not helping/ don't antagonize him'.
Read in combination it sounds like they're peeved about something else and it's coming out in a passive aggressive way.
If it was my own Mum I would tell her what I think. On the spot. And that's knowing she has an attitude and will probably spit it. But then again I don't see her a lot. If she was there every other day... I'd probably find a time to have a proper discussion about how you feel about it, at a calmer time maybe when it's just her and you. Then she will know it is seriously bothering you. But I guess it depends on your relationship.
2 say hey I am parent here. (Which I do say to mum all the time)
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