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  1. #1
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    Default Need advice for self destructive Son.......

    Hello all i am new around here, I am from the US. Just looking for some help or advice with my son. My son is 17 years old, has always been a great kid makes great grades. A few months ago my son his girlfriend and two of there friends were coming home from the movies and they were creamed by a drunk driver. Son was the only one to survive and spent an extensive amount of time in the hospital. Well he has been on a path of self destruction. His grades have been going down hill he comes home wasted drunk on the weekends always moping around. He has been sleeping around a lot even with older women from what some of his friends have said. He does go and see a therapist and also sees a psychiatrist and is on zoloft for his depression. I don't know what to do, or how to help him. I could really use some advice. Thank you ladies in advance.

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    What a tough thing to go through. Is it possible for a parent or parents of his girlfriend or friends to have a chat with him?

    Honestly I have no idea. My first thought though was that he is feeling guilty he survived. That and being overcome with grief.

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    Her parents haven't been the most help when my son went over as soon as he got out of the hospital because he missed the funeral they told him they never wanted to see him again.

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    That's awful the parents said that. I feel for you. No advice just hugs. Xx

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    Seems like a very unfair thing to have happened to all the people affected by this awful accident.

    i guess he might be dealing with survivor guilt and engaging in self destructive behaviour if he feels responsible, that he was the one who should have died, angry at the world. He also might be thinking life is short and he has just seen a friends life taken away and therefore one must live it up in the meantime.

    17 year olds do go out and get wasted and I'm not sure how old the women are he is sleeping with or if that is a spectrum of normal and a real concern?

    If things are really off the rails and you're concerned about his deteriorating mental state or he's at all expressing thoughts of actual self harm (feeling 'better off dead') or comments like this, try discussing your concerns with his Psychiatrist. People sometimes get started on meds that aren't right for them and of course in his situation ongoing PTSD is a possibility.

    Normalising his feelings and discussing things with him and just doing things with him to lift his spirits is important, like going for a walk somewhere beautiful or watching a sunset or the ocean. Just being there is huge.

    I guess he is in pain and possibly using these external things to cope with potential internal distress. Should they be taken away? I just don't know what the result of that may be just now as after being in hospital he would have already had so much control taken away from him. He may eventually work out himself that sex and substances won't heal the wound, he has to forgive the person who did this, and himself, and perhaps God/the Universe/Life/Whatever.

    Time and support is probably all that's needed. You sound like you have things in place. He will need a lot of time to recover emotionally despite his physical wounds healing. It's often the wound we can not see that hurts the most.

    I can tell you support him and that really makes a difference long term.

    how are you coping with all of this?

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    He has admitted to sleeping with women add old as 50. Abs he never drank before this so that's why i am worried. He has admitted to feeling suicidal but his psychiatrist has said there isn't much we can do unless he actually does something. So he told me just to not let him have any closed doors and don't allow him to be alone much. It's been rough he is going to have back problems the rest of his life from the wreck and i thought i was going to lose him for awhile.

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    Wow, that is a terrible situation for you to be in. I have no advice but I hope that you can all find peace soon

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    Today has been worse then normal. His back pain was so bad today he couldn't get out of bed to go to school.

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    hi mom0120. sorry , this is just terrible for you and for your son. first, I will say, this is going to become your new normal. this wont be something that is magically fixed one Tuesday afternoon. I would suggest you start using your local library. take out every book you can find about grief, ptsd, any book about a returned solider, or survivor story. there might be a few that your son wont relate to, but I bet he will find one. just knowing other people have been through this sort of stuff really helps clear the path so to speak.
    do you have a faith? I would be praying with everything I have, and not stopping until you see some improvement. I will pray for you all.
    your son is so young to be binge drinking, and the s3x is just a means to forget what he is dealing with. these can both become a problem and a source of more distress if he doesn't stop.
    I hope you find some help, and I wish you all the best. keep reaching out, even though we are in aus, we are mostly mothers, and we can understand your hurt. hugs, marie.

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    Thanks =). We are Christian, He has a lot of friends in the youth group but he hasn't gone back to church since all of this happend.


 

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