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  1. #1
    TheGooch's Avatar
    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    Default How do I know if it's the baby blues, pnd or exhaustion?

    I feel really silly posting in this thread but 8 days after my DS was born and I can't stop crying.
    It's not just random crying, it's this huge sadness hanging over me that I can't shift.
    Not all day every day but a number of times a day I start crying uncontrollably.
    I was sooky on Saturday (4 days after DS was born) but it stopped on Sunday but now it's back.
    I have irrational fears of something happening to DP if he leaves the house, or drives any great distance. I'm petrified something will happen to him and it breaks me because I would be left to do this alone.
    I don't feel an overwhelming love or enjoyment for DS. I care for him but it's not how I imagined.
    I begged DP not to leave me alone with DS yesterday because I was afraid I wouldn't look after him properly.
    I'm really lucky, DP is amazing. He probably takes care of DS 50% of the time when he's home. If not more.
    DP asked me questions from a beyond blue brochure last night and I scored 17. Apparently anything over 10 shows signs of depression. But I'm trying to be rational. I answered those questions about a point in time - right now - it's not like I've always felt like this.
    I still haven't bathed my own baby or taken him In the car.
    I had anxiety during pregnancy that something would go wrong. It didn't of course but my anxiety was high and from when I found out I was pregnant in January until DS was born 8 days ago I hadn't slept for more than 2 hours at a time without waking up. I had restless leg which also kept me awake.
    I'm sorry for the ramble but I'm not sure if these feelings are just the blues or something more or just sleep deprivation.
    Any advice would be good...

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    Hi I couldn't read and not reply. Hugs to you, sounds like you need them

    I have absolutely no experience to rely on, but I think you should talk to your DP and make an appt to see your doctor as soon as you can.

    Having a new baby can be completely overwhelming and exhausting. Do you have any support (parents, friends, siblings) you could call in to give you a hand?

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    TheGooch  (24-09-2014)

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    My MCHN was great. I went in for an appointment and just burst into tears. After talking with me she organised someone to come to my house and meet with me till I was "all better". When is your first appointment?
    You definitely need to speak with someone though. I've heard there are specific lines you can call that specialise in TTC, pregnancy and birth.

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    TheGooch  (27-09-2014)

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    It could be any of those things or all three, you're best to speak to a health professional and get some help. Have you had your first appointment with the child health nurse? I found mine really helpful, let them know how you're feeling.
    The first few weeks are really hard and exhausting, it's a huge adjustment but it will get easier.

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    TheGooch  (24-09-2014)

  8. #5
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    Thank you ladies @Jessbaby an appointment with the Dr is a good idea. DP is supportive and will come with me.
    We do have support from DPs family. Mine are great too but my sister is so far away and my dad hasn't had baby experience for 35 years! @EnPointe I didn't think of speaking to the MCHN about it. We have an appointment tomorrow morning. It's our first one. I will speak to her about it and see what she says.
    I know it sounds ridiculous and overly dramatic but rational me knows I'm going to be fine, that babies are exhausting and we will get through it. Irrational me feels out of control and unsafe for DS to be around. I need to talk to someone

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    Regarding the anxiety about your husband going out - I had this too! I would say "we need milk, can you please go get some?" Or "I'm too tired to cook, can you go get something for dinner?" Then I'd sit there thinking, what if he dies, I can't be here alone with this baby, I can't do it on my own! A few times I stopped him from going because I was so sure he was going to crash and die. Other times I said "no wait, I'll go" - I couldn't handle the guilt of him putting himself "in danger" that I thought I should go instead! I look back now and for me I was just overwhelmed by hormones, a difficult start with breastfeeding and exhaustion. But given your other feelings, it's worth having a chat to someone. All the best and congrats on your baby boy!

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    TheGooch  (27-09-2014)

  11. #7
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    This was exactly me. Exactly. To the letter. I remember the anxiety so much. My ex wouldn't even go out for more than 10 mins because I wouldn't cope. I remember singing to DS cos I was trying to bond with him and I couldn't sing because I was crying.

    I ended up being diagnosed with moderate PND. I believe to dome extent everything you have described is normal, but if it doesn't pass soon I would seek help.

    Just because the questions you answered were 'a moment in time', these are the moments in time you exist in right now. I hope things pick up for you. Go gently - it's hard at first x

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    TheGooch  (27-09-2014)

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    I thought I had PND with my second and saw my GP. She was wonderful. DD2 was older than your baby at the time and her basic rule of thumb advice was that the difference between exhaustion and PND was 3 good night's sleep. In other words if you feel "normal" after 3 night's sleep chances are it's not depression. If you still feel anxious / stressed or down, then they start looking at depression.

    This basically worked for me. I realise it largely depends on how serious your symptoms are and your GP is the best judge of that.

    Being a first time mum is one of the hardest challenges I've faced, and before kids I had faced quite a few. Recognising that there is an issue is such a positive step.

    Good luck.

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    TheGooch  (27-09-2014)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I thought I had PND with my second and saw my GP. She was wonderful. DD2 was older than your baby at the time and her basic rule of thumb advice was that the difference between exhaustion and PND was 3 good night's sleep. In other words if you feel "normal" after 3 night's sleep chances are it's not depression. If you still feel anxious / stressed or down, then they start looking at depression.

    This basically worked for me. I realise it largely depends on how serious your symptoms are and your GP is the best judge of that.

    Being a first time mum is one of the hardest challenges I've faced, and before kids I had faced quite a few. Recognising that there is an issue is such a positive step.

    Good luck.
    This ^ one of my bosses many degrees is Psych. I basically burst into tears in her office sobbing that I thought I had PND and I am failing miserably as a mother to 2 girls. She helped me implement some strategies to cope better and she was right. I am just a normal exhausted mother trying to juggle kids, a house, working and studying. However it is definitely worth talking to someone to explore these fears. I was terrified that I was going to snap and seriously hurt my eldest and it was really REALLY difficult for me to admit that I felt so close to doing that but I finally couldn't live with this dark secret fear anymore and I am so much more happier and relaxed and this is only 2 months on. PM me if you feel you need to talk more xxxx

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    TheGooch  (27-09-2014)

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    Hi OP, congratulations on your new bubby. great advice here. I had trouble managing my anxiety after DS2 was born, and bathing caused me anxiety too, so a wipe down with a nice warm cloth a few times a week is fine too, especially when they are so little xx

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    TheGooch  (27-09-2014)


 

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