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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by AMC14 View Post
    When I first put DD on gaviscon I found it took a couple of days to kick in and be effective. Are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding? If bottle feeding what formula are you using?
    You are doing a great job even if it feels like you aren't, its so awful to feel that low... depression and anxiety are so cruel.. im sorry you are struggling so much. Massive hugs xo
    I'm bottle feeding. I'm glad you mentioned it takes a bit because that gives me some hope. As I said in my last post we have changed her formula so decided to stop the gaviscon while she gets used to it. Just so we can make sure the new formula is agreeing with her ok.

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by RipperRita View Post
    Do you have private health with psychiatric cover by any chance? and someone to care for your older children? Would it be out of the question or impossible to fly to Brisbane and spend 2 weeks in a mother/baby unit if things got bad enough? Just a thought.... I know the logistics would be pretty hard to work out but if it gets that bad then its got to be worth considering right?.. I had a quick google and your right, there isn't much up your way in the way of perinatal mental health facilities.. I can't believe there isn't even a mental health day program anywhere!?!

    Don't forget to be kind and forgiving to yourself.
    You are exactly what your children need and they are so very lucky to have you. Give yourself a break, You are human, and its okay for your children to see you struggle and not cope, in fact its healthy and realistic and will help them develop resilience instead of thinking they need to be perfect all the time. It won't harm them and in fact will help them develop empathy and kindness for others that will make you burst with pride one day.

    Sometimes It's about just getting through the day however and in whatever way you can. Remembering that tomorrow is another day, a clean slate and a chance to try again. Forget about what happened today, don't get overwhelmed about the future... just live in the moment.

    Im not going to lie.. It takes a f**king long time to recover (and even then Im not sure ill ever be the same as before) and when you are in the depths of it, it feels like it will never end but its just a moment in time and IT WILL PASS eventually... its just about hanging on until the sun comes out again.

    Ive never seen you be anything but kind and supportive on this forum..Your a good egg purple lily... you deserve the same level of support and kindness. I hope you have people irl that do that for you.

    Give yourself a Pat on the back for getting through a rough day and I sincerely hope tomorrow is better for you xxx
    No private health insurance and at the moment we are living week to week so I wouldn't be able to fly anywhere. If we had the funds I think I would take that step although I would miss my boys so much. There Isn't much in the way of programs unfortunately. The perinatal team have been awesome though, I really like them. I just wish there was somewhere I could physically stay.

    I honestly can't thank you enough for this beautiful post. Every word is true and Its all something I just have to keep telling myself.

    The funny thing is if I saw somebody who was in my position I wouldn't think anything that I do about myself. I think I'm such a crappy mother yet if I'm looking at somebody with the same issues that thought doesn't even cross my mind. I know I am far too hard on myself and I really do need to change my way of thinking.

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I wish I could thank Ripper Rita 100 times over.

    Purple lily you are in the thick of it and it's bloody hard. When I had DS DD2 was under 2 and it was clear she was an incredibly anxious child who clung to me like a life raft. She was a terrible sleeper and so was DS1. I was living some kind of hell. I felt like I was walking in mud every day. I hated everything about my life. I used to look at my kids and wonder what short straw they drew to get me for a mother. Yes I loved them, but sometimes that's not enough.

    I was beyond overwhelmed. I drowned.

    Fast forward 3 years and life is completely different. We have all come so far. I look at them now and think I didn't do so bad afterall. I have also learned to forgive myself for my dark days. Don't get me wrong we still have them but nowhere near as often. Maybe once a month instead of 5 times a week?

    I know these are just words but we have lived through this and you will too.

    I hope you can get some help somehow. It's such a hard slog some days.
    Thank you so much lovely. I'm not sure if you will read this but I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this. Although It sucks that other people go through this It's also nice to see stories from people on the other side if it.

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeavenBlue View Post
    Purple Lily, I've only just seen this thread and had a chance to read through. Firstly, can I say how courageous you are for putting yourself out there through your struggles for other hubbers to share in. I find it inspirational. I'm personally really struggling at the moment but Am having a hard time admitting it let alone sharing it. I think you are amazing and don't know how I would do what you are doing. 3 under 3 is a workload I can't even imagine. I'm struggling with one! I just wanted to say that I know you aren't feeling so good at the moment but I'm thinking of you and really hope you feel some relief soon. Your thread has really made me feel like it's ok to admit that things aren't so peachy and ok to seek help. I hope that I can find it within myself to make the same leap. Maybe one day.
    Hugs lovely and I'm so sorry you are struggling too You are stronger than you feel and it may take time but you will also take the leap. It's taken me 3 years of pnd and at least 10 years of depression and anxiety to get to the point of asking for help. I'm not saying it will take you that long but asking for help Isn't easy, its one of the hardest things I have ever done. Thank you for your lovely words xox

  5. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by olismumma View Post
    Thinking of u @Purple Lily. I hope the increased dose of zoloft helps you more. Good to hear you're optimistic about counseling. . Fwiw I bet you are doing a better job with your lil ones than you think. Ripper Rita has given some wonderful words of advice too.
    My dd had reflux so I understand where you're coming from. Gaviscon helped but she only improved on losec in the end.. is it possible to see another gp or paed for prescription, not fair for her to put up with pain or you to have to "just cope and wait it out"
    Thinking of you xx
    I hope it helps, I've had 75mg for 6 days now so hopefully it makes a difference. We've just changed her formula but if it continues we will see a different paed. I also didn't think it was fair to expect both me and dd to "just cope" that doesn't help anything. Thanks for your support lovely. I hope you're enjoying your new beautiful little boy

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Purple Lily For This Useful Post:

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  7. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpybump View Post
    Purple Lily I was thinking of you the other day as I haven't seen you for a while in our DIG. I wish I could come over and watch the kids for you while you take a break. You're doing such an amazing job caring for your children - such close age gaps are HARD work.

    I hope the perinatal team helps. Thinking of you xx
    You're too kind I left the dig the other day, I wasn't keeping up and I guess I'm not in the right frame of mind to be apart if it. I also felt like I didn't really have anything to contribute because I'm going through too much. So I kind of just faded myself out. I love that they are so close together but Its such hard work and I feel like if we had of spaced them out I would be a better mother. But we have our surprise baby and even with knowing how hard it is I wouldn't change it. I just wish I was stronger and coped better.

  8. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by Purple Lily View Post
    I'm bottle feeding. I'm glad you mentioned it takes a bit because that gives me some hope. As I said in my last post we have changed her formula so decided to stop the gaviscon while she gets used to it. Just so we can make sure the new formula is agreeing with her ok.
    Hopefully the change in formula helps... We've stopped the gaviscon at the moment as well because dd has been diagnosed lactose intolerant so we've changed formula and so far we haven't had a problem but its only been 2 days on the new one. I think I read on here somewhere that reflux is often mistaken for an intolerance to lactose. Don't quote me on that though.
    Im glad someone has come out to talk to you.. are they going to again? It'll probably do you good to get out of the house as well.
    Keeping looking up because there is a light at the end of the tunnel xo

  9. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by AMC14 View Post
    Hopefully the change in formula helps... We've stopped the gaviscon at the moment as well because dd has been diagnosed lactose intolerant so we've changed formula and so far we haven't had a problem but its only been 2 days on the new one. I think I read on here somewhere that reflux is often mistaken for an intolerance to lactose. Don't quote me on that though.
    Im glad someone has come out to talk to you.. are they going to again? It'll probably do you good to get out of the house as well.
    Keeping looking up because there is a light at the end of the tunnel xo
    I'm sorry I didn't see your reply! Thanks, so far the formula hasn't made a difference We are taking her to a different Dr to talk about reflux and meds so hopefully that goes well. I've also heard that about lactose intolerance somewhere as well.

    How is your dd going on the new formula? I hope it has helped

    They have been calling me every week and they did another visit on Tuesday which actually really helped.

  10. #69
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    Just updating..

    I have been very down to the point where I didn't even want to talk to the perinatal team when they called but they spoke to Dh anyway. Dh has been on nightshift so was gone from lunch until 9:30 so lunch/naps and the dinner/bath/bed routine was all up to me. Dd pretty much screamed for hours on end so all of that contributed to me falling apart. My mum came to help one night so that was nice, it meant I could spend some qaulity time with my boys and dd didn't cry. So for two weeks I sat in that dark tunnel just wishing the days away and crying a lot. I honestly just feel useless, I know It's a long road but I still have so many bad days It's hard to get through. I'm not even looking forward to Christmas and its my favourite time of the year Zoloft was increased to 75mg which made no difference so I'm now on 100mg. I think it might be helping but I've only been on that dose for a week. Dd is sick at the moment and ds2 is waking a lot at night so I'm not sure how much I would be able to tell if its working because I'm so stressed and anxious.

    My psychologist upset me the other day so that didn't help. Everybody is harrasing me to put ds1 in daycare for two days a week but I'm not entirely comfortable with that for various reasons. She decided to be blunt and kept saying I was holding him back. That I was holding him back from new experiences and having friends. I was so upset and felt sick to my stomach. I'm in therapy because I feel like a terrible mother so to be told that I was quite upset. The next session she apologise for being so blunt and didn't mention daycare that day but the words have been spoken...I can't unhear what she said so no apology is going to make me feel better.

    We are taking dd to the drs tonight to discuss reflux meds. She's that bad we are having to hold her while she sleeps. Poor Dh has been holding her all might sitting up She's been crying so much It's been hard to deal with. My anxiety is through the roof

    But after all that I still have good moments too where I think It's going to be ok so I try and focus on that.

    Sorry for the ramble...it probably didn't make much sense thanks to sleep deprivation. Thanks again for all the love and support xo

  11. #70
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    Thats ok
    She's much better, a different baby so much happier its great she'll actually do tummy time now which is awesome.
    Some drs are idiots when it comes to babys. It drives me nuts, especially because we're told in pregnancy "mum knows best, mum knows when there's something wrong" yet they don't listen.... hopefully you find a dr that will listen.
    Thats really good they are calling and still popping out to see you. It makes such a difference. I think you're amazing having 3 LO's so young, I don't know that I could do it!

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