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  1. #31
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    Just updating:

    So my anxiety is still really bad but I'm not as miserable! My head feels a little clearer and I'm not feeling as overwhelmed all the time....I still have my moments of course. This may sound silly but I've gone from crying multiple times a day to not even getting the urge, it feels strange. I still lack motivation and everything feels like It's too much effort but I find that I can push myself through. I'm still stressing a lot and putting a lot of guilt and pressure on myself but counselling should help with that. I'm still really tired and sometimes highly irritable but I have only been taking Zoloft for 2.5 weeks.

    I got the results from my bloods and no diabetes (phew) but I do have very low iron and extremely low vitamin d. So I'm also on vitamins which should help my tiredness.

    I have my first in home counselling session on Thursday. I spoke to the woman on the phone and she was so lovely, I can tell I'm going to feel really comfortable around her. I have team health coming over this week and she's going to spend an hour or two with me and walk down the park with the kids. She is also looking into a mums group and driving us to story time at the library because I don't have my license.

    I also have an organization called Catholic Care who will also spend an hour or two a week with me and taking us to a play group. She also mentioned they do in home stuff but I haven't had a proper meeting with them yet so will have more details soon.

    So basically I'm doing better. Little improvements but It's so much better than being in a dark hole you feel like you can't get out of. I actually have hope that I might enjoy my life and my babies.

    I just again wanted to thank every single beautiful person who has taken the time to support me. I honestly can not thank you enough xoxo

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    zooey  (01-12-2014)

  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mokeybear View Post
    Hugs my darling I have only just seen this thread, I'm really impressed that you have laid it all out there and gone and got some help for yourself, that's a very mature thing to do.

    You are far from a crap mother and a very kind and decent person, 3 under 3 is a mind boggling workload, When my boys were small it was just a gruelling blur, it does get easier with time.

    I'm glad you are taking the steps needed to look after yourself, you deserve to have a much happier life lovely.

    Huge hugs PL xxxx
    Hey lovely, so nice to see you around Thank you so much for your kind words xoxo

    My life is a blur at the moment, I'm hoping I will eventually come out of it. I want better for all of us and that's what keeps me going

  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by olismumma View Post
    @Purple Lily I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story and opening up... I have been quietly following your battle. I couldnt imagine how tough 3 under 3 would be.... actually I can imagine and its probably nowhere near as hard as living it. I bet you are a great mother
    I have 1 dd and am due with ds in less than 4 weeks. There will be 21 months difference.
    I have always battled depression and as soon as I had dd pnd and anxiety hit big time! Ive always been a pretty anxious person due to a lot of things happening in my life which I wont get into.
    At 15 I was put on zoloft though only took them for a couple of days as a family member flushed them down the toilet telling me to get over my "issues" and how bad anti depressants were.
    Since I struggled with pnd I saw a counselor and got myself a mental health plan though I still felt like everyone around me was pushing me to take the anti-ds.
    My biggest fear was not being "myself" anymore and the meds mellowing me out so much id be 'zombie-like'
    When things are going good im pretty happy and confident though when things are bad, they are reallllly bad..
    I was also scared of the weaning and whether I would ever be able to get myself off them.
    I have said to my dh that if I ever get as bad as I did after having dd to remind me that I dont have to feel like this and to give them a go.
    I would be really interested to keep reading how you are going on them if you are happy to share or even pm
    I think you will be helping more ppl than you know opening up with your journey.
    So thank you again and I really hope this helps you

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Hi lovely, thank you for sharing and I'm so sorry you have had a rough time I will never understand why people think others should just get over it, it makes something so complicated look so simple when It's not. I had 23 months between my first two and it was hard but also so rewarding. I hope you don't end up with pnd but if you do just know there are so many beautiful people on this forum who will support you

    I never in a million years thought I would be open to taking the meds but here I am and so far I feel like I have made the best decision. I hope you can find some comfort in my posts as it seems we are quite similar and obviously have a lot of the same fears. I'm going to continue to share my journey (if people don't mind) in the hope that I will bring comfort to somebody going through the same.

    Thanks again for your kind words and all the best for the upcoming birth xoxo

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Purple Lily For This Useful Post:

    olismumma  (05-11-2014),TableDancer  (02-11-2014)

  6. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    Much love to you PL. You are a hero in my books - look how much I whinge with just the one! I hope you are feeling much better soon x
    Oh harvs thank you for the kind words! And hey, you whinge away lovely just because you have one doesn't make it any easier. My first was a horror and I found just him harder than having the two of them! I hope you've been getting some sleep? Thanks again xoxo

  7. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by TableDancer View Post
    Glad to hear you are doing even better again now I feel like the medication makes it harder for me to sort of think deeply about things, so is harder for me imagination to take over when it comes to my anxieties and it is harder to over think everything. This also applies to other thinking and emotions though so I don't think it is weird that you didn't really cry

    You mentioned that you were in touch with a perinatal team? Could you ask them for some coping strategies like relaxation techniques, CBT type self talk. Also, are you getting any time to yourself? Even just an hour at night to have a bath or watch tv/reading a book helps if you tell yourself that you are doing it for you and it's your down time now.
    Wow you just explained it so well. It really does make sense and I'm hoping they have the same effect on my anxiety, lord knows I over think absolutely everything!

    I have a counsellor who will be doing home visits which starts this week so I will definitely be looking into coping strategies. After the boys are in bed we eat dinner and watch a TV series so that's really all the time I get. Although I have been going food shopping on my own and sitting down for something to drink. I basically just take my time and Dh is more than willing to have the kids for as long as I need. I do feel like I need a hobby though

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  9. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rammie View Post
    Dear Purple Lily,
    Thinking of you and praying for you. Do let us know how your therapy is helping you and you need someone to unburden your self. This forum is great.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rammie View Post
    Hi TableDancer,

    I like your comment of "Glad to hear you are doing even better again now I feel like the medication makes it harder for me to sort of think deeply about things, so is harder for me imagination to take over when it comes to my anxieties and it is harder to over think everything. This also applies to other thinking and emotions though so I don't think it is weird that you didn't really cry "This is so true. Purple Lily take care and keep going.
    Rammie thank you so much for your kind and supportive posts. Its lovely to feel like I have people behind me on this. You truly are a lovely person xo

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  11. #37
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    Thinking of you . I have had depression, anxiety and panic attacks in the past .

  12. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rammie View Post
    Hi TableDancer,

    I like your comment of "Glad to hear you are doing even better again now I feel like the medication makes it harder for me to sort of think deeply about things, so is harder for me imagination to take over when it comes to my anxieties and it is harder to over think everything. This also applies to other thinking and emotions though so I don't think it is weird that you didn't really cry "This is so true. Purple Lily take care and keep going.
    Hi Rammie, I'm glad you feel this is true too, it makes the way I have felt seem a bit more normal @Purple Lily, Thank you for updating It's great to hear you are doing a bit better every time you post. It sounds like you have been very proactive seeking out support and assistance which is awesome ! I think that following your progression could end up being really helpful to anyone else in the same situation as you are being so honest and describing your experience and symptom progression as you go, I know when I was feeling at my worst just reading bubhub, even if I didn't reply, made me feel like I certainly wasn't alone in feeling like I did

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    Hi Purple Lily ,
    Thank you so much for sharing your life with me and the forum. Now please do not get dis couraged if you dip down a little as you go along. If this happens make sure you contact the team and they will help you. I am praying for you and for some other ladies. We are here to support you and you must never feel that you are on your own. Lots of Love,

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  15. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Purple Lily View Post
    Hi lovely, thank you for sharing and I'm so sorry you have had a rough time I will never understand why people think others should just get over it, it makes something so complicated look so simple when It's not. I had 23 months between my first two and it was hard but also so rewarding. I hope you don't end up with pnd but if you do just know there are so many beautiful people on this forum who will support you

    I never in a million years thought I would be open to taking the meds but here I am and so far I feel like I have made the best decision. I hope you can find some comfort in my posts as it seems we are quite similar and obviously have a lot of the same fears. I'm going to continue to share my journey (if people don't mind) in the hope that I will bring comfort to somebody going through the same.

    Thanks again for your kind words and all the best for the upcoming birth xoxo
    Thanks so much @Purple Lily. I hope you are feeling much clearer now meds have kicked in a lil more x

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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