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  1. #1
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    Default Need help: 5 yr olds behaviour

    Hi
    I'm at breaking point with my 5 yr old and his behaviour and need some help. Sorry for such a long post and if it's a bit jumbled, so is my mind after a bad morning. I'm just trying to get as much information out to paint a clearer picture.

    Ds1 has always been a full on kid but lately it's getting worse, to the point we are being talked to by his school teacher that he is making very poor choices at school which has never happened before. Everything is a battle and he doesn't care about consequences, having things taken off him or sitting in time out. We have done 123 magic. That worked wonders to start with when he was 3, now it doesn't as its like he gets 3 chances to keep doing what he's doing and consequences don't phase him.

    He has endless energy, always had comments from daycare and now school(he's in kindy) about his energy level. We are constantly at the park, going for walks, exploring or he's playing in the backyard. He is impulsive, stubborn, everything has to be his way, and he is smart. Another thing school has commented on a few times is that he is very switched on and just gets things easily. Eg he can retell a story after being read it once, when the kids were learning patterns at school he got it straight away while most other kids were struggling etc.

    I'm at a loss with what to do and feel like I'm failing him. He just won't listen.

    I ask him why he is making weak choices and not thinking (these are things they say at school) and he says his brain doesn't know how to be good. Is this weird?

    I really make a point of praising him when he is doing the right thing, telling him how happy it makes me. When he is in a good happy mood he is so loving, caring and loves helping. I encourage these moments and praise him for the choices he makes. These moments are brief though.

    His diet is good, I cut out majority of additives and preservatives a while ago, he eats lots of fruit and veg and limited sugar. He is a good sleeper, a very early riser but we put him to bed earlier because of this. He goes to sleep easily around 6:30pm and sleeps solid until around 4-5am. The second his eyes open he is full of beans again.

    He is always doing the opposite of what he is told, yelling inside, saying silly words, the newest one is poo and wee constantly (fair enough if he needs to go to the toilet and do one he can say it, but not just dancing around the house saying 'yukky yukky yukky poo poo poo' or randomly saying 'poo poo' to strangers!) getting his little brother to copy him saying those things or being naughty, turning the outside tap on (this he does daily and gets in trouble for daily) running away from me at the shops etc. If he does something he knows he isn't allowed to, he goes straight to time out, otherwise he gets one warning and asked to stop, then time out. But that still doesn't stop the behaviour. If anything he is worse while sitting in timeout. Continues to say silly words, yells, calls out to his brother to get him to go in that room etc. If he is in time out and continues to do the wrong thing I start the time again, take something away from him that I know he likes, or say we aren't going to whatever place he wanted to go to that week. None of this is effective though, he just keeps going. Sometimes he can sit in time out for half an hour because I have to keep starting the time over and over.

    I explain why it's wrong to do certain things, explain that if he sits in time out quietly he can keep all his things or just sit there for a few minutes then it's over instead of sitting there for ages. He seems to understand but fairly soon is back to doing something else he isn't ment to be doing.

    Again so sorry for the long post and thank you so much if you have read this far. Any help or suggestions would be much appreciated. I don't know what else to do.

  2. #2
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    Hm I'm not a huge help but just wondering how much time he has with technology? My DD is the same age and when she has too much time on the iPad or computer she starts behaving badly. We've had to limit it now, which isn't something I thought we'd have to do.

    Hopefully some of the other mumma's are more helpful xx

  3. #3
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    Some days he watches too much TV and other days it hardly goes on. I haven't noticed it make any difference to his behaviour. He wakes up so early in the morning so will watch cartoons on his DVD player or abc2 for an hour or 2 till the rest of us wake up. The TV is on until we go out somewhere but mainly for noise, they will watch a show here and there but don't sit in front of it for ages watching. I'll try to encourage them to go outside or play in their playroom. Once we get home from being out I'll put the radio on instead of the TV.

  4. #4
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    Perhaps you could get the school to put all their concerns in a letter, head to the GP and get a referral to a child psych? They can rule out any issues behind the behavior and help you with strategies to deal with it.

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    twolittlemunchkins  (22-09-2014)

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    Hi OP, I was also going to suggest getting a report and discussing perhaps getting some OT- thru GP Mental Health Plan, you can get access to approx. 10 sessions. My DS2 did you rounds of it for poor motorskills due to vision problems, and I was aware that the OT was beneficial for different behavioural issues in kids that our OT was involved with eg: aggression, decision making, impulse control. It was very beneficial for learning new strategies in a safe environment eg: through exercises and ideas to use at home too. I am sure your school would be able to recommend a good OT. All the best.

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    twolittlemunchkins  (22-09-2014)

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    It might take time, but I'll suggest reading books by Dr Shefali and following her on Facebook.
    Her books are "Out of control..." And "The Conscious Parent".
    She also has a Lifeclass show on Oprah's channel, which I'm yet to watch.

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    twolittlemunchkins  (22-09-2014)

  10. #7
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    Thanks guys. I'll have a talk to his teacher when I pick him up from school this arvo and ask about a letter from them to take to the gp. I didn't know OTs dealt with behaviour problems too. We have an OT that we see (not often, maybe once or twice a year) as he hurt his hand just after he turned 3 that required a pressure glove for 18 months and now has a scar. We see the OT a couple of times a year to see how it is healing and how the glove fit when he was still wearing it. We are due to see her again in a couple of weeks. Would I be able to ask her about these issues I'm having it should I still go down the gp and referral path?

    Thank you for those book suggestions. I'll have a look at them

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    Sounds like my 4.5yr old..

    Hugs OP... I don't have any advice as I'm I'm the same boat. Ds1 has a great memory (remembers stories or events that happened over a year ago) but is getting more and more cheeky.

    One thing that I did notice in you OP, they 'yukky yukky yukky poo poo poo' thing.. Is he watching that 'baby jake' show on abc for kids?? Coz in that they say it- but they say boo not poo.. I know this coz my ds is going around and singing it too... So thought that this was maybe the same thing.

  12. #9
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    Hi again, we used Sensational Kids in Sydney South- not sure where you are based, but their website may be useful to you- the OT can focus on all sorts of things eg: staying on task, appropriate responses, managing anxiety, risk-taking behaviour- so it would be good to look around for one that specifically focuses on issues required. Our DS2 was 5 and 6 at the time and it sure helped a lot!

  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    Sounds like my 4.5yr old..

    Hugs OP... I don't have any advice as I'm I'm the same boat. Ds1 has a great memory (remembers stories or events that happened over a year ago) but is getting more and more cheeky.

    One thing that I did notice in you OP, they 'yukky yukky yukky poo poo poo' thing.. Is he watching that 'baby jake' show on abc for kids?? Coz in that they say it- but they say boo not poo.. I know this coz my ds is going around and singing it too... So thought that this was maybe the same thing.
    Yes! This is from 'baby jake'. He says it all the time!! I've told him they say boo and goo but that doesn't change what he says.


 

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