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  1. #11
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    hi dueinaugust. it seems to be that both of you are dealing with your own issues and trying to hold it all together. I think counselling alone and together might be worthwhile. I would like to say, don't expect him to know what you are needing or wanting from the relationship. He has already created a big problem by cheating, he doesn't seem to be able to see past his own needs. I feel that both of you need help in different areas, and trying to stay married or sort out a divorce, is just going to add more to the mix. im sorry, I dont mean to offend, I hope the counselling works out. hugs, Marie.

  2. #12
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    What a crappy situation OP. Good luck with the counselling. I can certainly understand the need to feel that you have tried everything.

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    hi dueinaugust. it seems to be that both of you are dealing with your own issues and trying to hold it all together. I think counselling alone and together might be worthwhile. I would like to say, don't expect him to know what you are needing or wanting from the relationship. He has already created a big problem by cheating, he doesn't seem to be able to see past his own needs. I feel that both of you need help in different areas, and trying to stay married or sort out a divorce, is just going to add more to the mix. im sorry, I dont mean to offend, I hope the counselling works out. hugs, Marie.
    I understand and am not offended.
    He won't go to counselling. He refused to even talk about it.
    I have been going for a while.
    I find it really helps. He just thinks they are putting ideas in my head.


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  5. #14
    harvs's Avatar
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    Just reading between the lines here, but your husband sounds like my ex. If it's not too late, I can highly recommend trying to find a male for your marriage counselling. In my experience some men have a real aversion to hearing what a woman has to say, and is more likely to make compromises when it is a male holding court.

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    What a difficult situation. I think counselling could be a good thing but as you say, if he's not interested and you both can't find a way forward, I hate to say it but it seems like there's not many others avenues other than to look at leaving and starting fresh. I'd be more inclined at this point to get some financial counselling.

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  9. #16
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    So after a few days here and there of talking and others of not wanting to be near him my dh has agreed to counselling together.
    Just one session to see if it will work for us but it's a start.
    He has taken all his passwords down and given me full access to emails and everything.
    He has really taken the time to stop and reassure me he wants to change and stop.
    Now all I have to do is stop looking for it.
    How long does it take to stop checking every day?
    To stop thinking about it everytime he is up late?

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  10. #17
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    Is been a few months since I even looked at this thread but the time has come again.
    I can only take so much.
    Counselling didn't work. He just sat there and wouldn't say a word. He did try to help me for a few days.
    Now I'm back to checking his phone and email. I have not found anything but I would think he is smarter than to be caught twice the same way.
    I spent the whole day yesterday (mother's day ) thinking of what to say. To kick him out! How happy I would be with him gone. The comment he made after the lady big argument is still stuck in my head. "your happiness shouldn't rely on me". ***.

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    Sorry you are going through this. He sounds very selfish. Please don't agree to any financial decisions without getting legal advice. There's no way I would want 30% of a company you will have nothing to do with. What happens if he gets into financial trouble and you are tied into the company? Or if he gets a new gf and she's not happy about the arrangement? I hope you have some support around you.

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    I am folding the business in the next month. He is going back to a sole trader. That way I don't have to be a part of it. But that is while we are still together. He still has no idea how unhappy I am.

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