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  1. #11
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    He should have said sorry but he can't be there to his cousin without question.

    Your DF needs to tell his friend to make a decision. I would be hurt if he chose his cousin, but to some people family trumps everything. I would definitely go to my best friends wedding over my cousins if I had to but every family is different.

  2. #12
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    If I'm reading correctly and it's the groomsman cousin who is getting married then family comes first. I'm honestly flabbergasted at people saying he said yes to you first, so he should car about family.

    You need to remember he may desperately want to be at your wedding but family and social pressure will always win.

    Even if he wasn't part of the bridal party as it's a family wedding I'm sure he would have had a hard time deciding and would feel obligated to attend the family wedding over a friends.

    I'm sorry if this seems blunt but imagine if your cousin turns around and said they're going to a friends wedding instead.

    He should have talked to you first but at the end of the day it's not like he's choosing another friend over you it's a family member. Weddings are about family and there is an underwritten obligation
    Last edited by maternidade; 21-09-2014 at 10:05.

  3. #13
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    I don't really see that there's two sides to this. Your friend agreed months ago to be the best man. Asked, accepted, plans made, done.

    The cousin should have checked the date was okay first, before locking in plans. With our wedding (and my close friends weddings), you come up with a date, check the people you want in the wedding party are available, then lock it in. If you check with them and they say, ' sorry, I'm best man for a mate that day', then you change the date or accept they won't be there. You don't make a date concrete without first checking those closest to you are available - or else this happens.

    If you were both asking at the same time, then yes family comes first would apply but you asked months ago. 'Family' is not an excuse to be rude and ditch your other important commitments.
    Last edited by MissMuppet; 21-09-2014 at 10:07.

  4. #14
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    Ps you cannot pick a date and check with everyone first, otherwise you'll never get married.
    Ps the cousins partner sounds like a b!tch so definitely not over reacting there

  5. #15
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    It's his family - he may want to be there for your DF with all the intent in the world but if he's close to his family he has to decline your DF now. It's not just saying no to his cousin if the weddings are the same day it means he doesn't attend a family wedding. I couldn't give 2 hoots about my cousins weddings TBH but we're not close. If he is close enough to be asked he will want to go.

    they all sound very young and yes could have handled it better but it sounds like your DF's friend has been put in a difficult position - if I were you I'd encourage your DF to let it go and find someone else. And no I wouldn't end a 20 year friendship over this.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    Ps you cannot pick a date and check with everyone first, otherwise you'll never get married.
    Ps the cousins partner sounds like a b!tch so definitely not over reacting there
    You don't check with everyone - but you do check with your best man/groomsmen otherwise how do you know they're available? If you don't check first then you can't tell them to drop out of someone else's wedding party. That's 100% plain rude.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post
    You don't check with everyone - but you do check with your best man/groomsmen otherwise how do you know they're available? If you don't check first then you can't tell them to drop out of someone else's wedding party. That's 100% plain rude.
    Maybe but the fact is they didn't. That's not a good enough reason to decline a family wedding IMO.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post
    You don't check with everyone - but you do check with your best man/groomsmen otherwise how do you know they're available? If you don't check first then you can't tell them to drop out of someone else's wedding party. That's 100% plain rude.
    You cannot dictate your day around others.

    By the sounds of it the cousins bridezilla partner had already all the ducks lined up and was just waiting on the official ring to go

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post
    You don't check with everyone - but you do check with your best man/groomsmen otherwise how do you know they're available? If you don't check first then you can't tell them to drop out of someone else's wedding party. That's 100% plain rude.
    It sounds like both couples have set a date, then later asked this guy. Had either of the wedding parties asked if there were other weddings on they wouldn't have known about each other's weddings anyway given they are in different circles and by the OP took some time to ask the best man.

    I just think the whole Wedding phenomenon has gotten nuts. People get way too precious and self absorbed over one day and that's not a dig at the OP but a general comment.

    Our best man had a fight with his (feral) partner and was only around for the speeches at our wedding. He had been a childhood friend. Yes I was a bit peeved but meh I went on enjoying myself and didn't dwell on it. Weddings are what you make them.

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  11. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    If I'm reading correctly and it's the groomsman cousin who is getting married then family comes first. I'm honestly flabbergasted at people saying he said yes to you first, so he should car about family.

    You need to remember he may desperately want to be at your wedding but family and social pressure will always win.

    Even if he wasn't part of the bridal party as it's a family wedding I'm sure he would have had a hard time deciding and would feel obligated to attend the family wedding over a friends.

    I'm sorry if this seems blunt but imagine if your cousin turns around and said they're going to a friends wedding instead.

    He should have talked to you first but at the end of the day it's not like he's choosing another friend over you it's a family member. Weddings are about family and there is an underwritten obligation
    This. There may be enormous family pressure and your DF's friend may feel pretty torn. While it sucks and the girlfriend may have been a bit rude, the friend is in a tough position where he is forced to let someone down.


 

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