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  1. #1
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    Default My child feels cast aside

    A few days ago, we had a family gathering at my parent's house. Their house is not very large, but, it tends to be the "hub" of the family. Most of the adults and older children were in the kitchen getting dinner ready. The rest were in the living room watching some show on TV.

    My younger daughter is eight years old, and the youngest in the family. Her sister is thirteen, and their cousins are all in their 'tweens and teens. I knew that she felt set apart from the others, but, I didn't realize the extent until the other day.

    She came into the kitchen (which was already quite crowded,) and asked if she could help. There was really nothing that we could let her do that would not involve her getting underfoot, so we told her that we were good, and to go into the living room.

    A little while later, I found her sitting by herself in the hallway. When I asked if anything was wrong, she said that she was "just trying to stay out of the way." It turned out that the men in the living room were watching a show that involved language not suitable for an eight-year-old, and they sent her out of the room. The dining room is off limits to children, unless dinner is served and they are sitting at the table, and my parents' bedroom is off limits, as well. That did not leave anyplace for her to go, except for the hallway. Since the other kids were all either helping in the kitchen, or watching the show in the living room, there wasn't even anybody for her to talk to or play with.

    Does anybody have any advice on how this can be avoided in the future?

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    All I can think of is making a point to find a task for her to do in the kitchen that's age appropriate

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    I think she will always feel slightly out of place, considering that she is the youngest by quite a bit. However, I think that it was rude of the men to be watching an inappropriate show for an 8 year old, if there was only one living room in the house. That is one room that shouldn't be off limits to her, and I am sure that they could of found something else to watch that was more appropriate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BubblesK View Post
    All I can think of is making a point to find a task for her to do in the kitchen that's age appropriate
    I agree with this. Maybe even have a quiet word with the grown up people involved so they know exactly why she is in there so they don't just dismiss her to another room.

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    I actually would have a very stern word to the men about having a inappropriate show on when your dad is there. That's not ok. I would in future make place for in the kitchen even if it meant sending a older child out.

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    The men shouldn't have been watching a show inappropriate for the kids during a family gathering. What's with that? Its not okay for them to shoo her away like that. Fair enough if it was an adults only affair, but not during a family gathering.

    I'd have said something to them about needing to watch something more inclusive, or turn the tv off altogether.

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    I just wanted to congratulate you on having such a well behaved little one!
    To sit in a hall alone and not complain is amazing!
    If it were me I would not be happy with inappropriate content on the TV at gatherings but in saying that all you can control is your behavior not anyone else's especially as it's not your home
    Knowing it's an issue now I would have a specific task for her in the kitchen - even if it's sitting on a chair folding napkins or something. If it's really inappropriate for her to be in the kitchen I would leave the kitchen myself to be with her

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    i would have taken her back to the tv room and told the men too bad you are changing the channel.

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    I agree with PP, the men shouldn't have been watching an inappropriate show when they knew she wouldn't be able to watch it. How rude and nasty to kick her out of the room like that

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    I agree with having a task for your little one in the kitchen. that would be the first plan. otherwise, the tv goes off and everyone spends time together 'talking'. a family gathering should make time for family to actually gather, not separate. marie.

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