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  1. #1
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    Default Grandparent who showered with my 3 yr old

    I need someone to tell me when it is okay for a step father and now grandfather to shower with my 3 yr old. Like my FIL did 3 times in one week. I talked to my husband about it and he said he didn't like it either when he was little. So he told his mother he thinks it's weird and we are not comfortable with it. (We just moved to their state and staying at their house). So 2 days later she asks if we think he is out to hurt our son? Like what are we referring? I told her my husband didn't like it either and she looked at him and said He NEVER hurt you at least 5 times in a row. I'm thinking no lady pedophiles love children, and who are you trying to convince? I think my husband has his own discomfort about it..I think she is in denile about her perfect life. At 3 if he is standing in a shower with an old man he is genitalia height and my son doesn't need to see that. Does anyone else think I'm out of line?

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    I think it's weird/off for anyone other than parents (possibly to include step parents) to shower naked with a child.

    You could explain to your mil that you're not accusing your FIL of anything you just want to start teaching your son about personal space early to help prevent anything bad happening should he cross paths with a pedophile.

    Did your FIL ever do anything inappropriate with your hubby? If so that's a whole other kettle of fish.

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    You're the parent - if YOU don't feel comfortable with it - it shouldn't happen, simple.

    My kids have showered with their G.parents a that age, but all involved were comfortable about it - actualy ..no - do remember my FIL wearing undies in the shower because HE didn't feel comfortable without.

    but - inyourcase..If you say 'don't do it' it shouldn't be done.

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    I think you need to go with your gut and what you are comfortable with in regards to your child.

    In my family, both DP and I are 100% comfortable with our 4yr old DS showering with any grandparent. He's even jumped in with my brother and sister at times. But that is because we are comfortable with it. If either of us had an inkling of being uncomfortable about it, it wouldnt happen.

    Trust your gut. No one can tell you if its right or wrong. Different people/families have different dynamics and relationships.

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    I don't think you are out of line. Not at all.

    I may get burned for this but..
    In saying that though I'm not thrilled but I'm not upset that dd2 (and dd1 when she was younger) has had an occasional shower with her Nana's. Usually at the insistence of the child not the grand parent though.

    In some cultures it's perfectly acceptable for people including elders to be at least partially naked.

    But in no way should they allow it if your not comfortable. That is crossing major boundaries.

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    I think it's weird for a child to shower with anyone who isn't their parent. I wouldn't have wanted to when I was little and I wouldn't want my child to.
    I know nothing bad would be intended by it but I just wouldn't feel comfortable with it. They shouldn't even be arguing with you.

    Also, why are they doing it in the first place? Were they minding your son and just felt like it was easier to do it that way? Or were you in the house at the time and your FIL just snuck him into the shower while you weren't watching? Depending on the situation I might react differently. But the way your MIL has carried on about it would make me feel even more uncomfortable because it almost seems like she's trying to cover up something.

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    If it's not ok with you, then they need to respect that.

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    It's not weird if the child thinks its weird, but in a lot of cases the child WOULD think its weird. I remember showering with my Dad when I was little and I was starting to feel uncomfortable about it - don't know how old I was though. I remember not saying anything though bc I didn't want to make him feel bad! Aww amazing how smart we are even that little hehe. If your child can communicate well, ask him. Otherwise it's your judgement and his parents will have to suck it up. It's your decision not theirs and if they think it's a paedophile thing then they are jumping to conclusions. I don't understand why they don't get it if your husband remembers feeling uncomfortable and has said so - if I was his parent I would feel mortified to hear that and want to make sure another child doesn't feel that. At such a young age they are so vulnerable!

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    I have said my thoughts about nudity a few times so at the risk of repeating myself. I don't like it, I would not allow it, and I would stop anyone who wanted to do this. ok for FIL to run a bath for grandchildren. ok even for FIL to stand nearby to make sure there are no accidents in the shower. but not to be naked with the grandchild and in such close space. I don't like this sort of thing at all. marie.

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    You are not out of line.

    It makes you and your DH uncomfortable, so you shouldn't need anyone else to tell or try to convince you otherwise.

    For the record, no way in hell I would I allow my FIL (who is a step father to my DH) shower with my 3 year old.

    I find the fact that your MIL repeated 'he never hurt you' repeatedly very unsettling.

    I'm a firm believer in following gut instincts when it comes to parenting. I will always err on the side of caution if something seems not quite right.

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