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  1. #1
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    Default How do you get your DH to listen?

    For at least 6 months now I have been trying to tell my husband I'm not happy in our marriage.

    He works, then goes to the gym, comes home eats and sits on the lounge, using his phone to look up eBay or Facebook and then goes to bed. I have told him we need counselling and he shrugs it off, I have tried talking to him and he comes good for a couple of days then back to his usual self, I have tried the 30 days of nookie which didn't even make 5 nights due to him sitting in his phone until all hours. I don't know what else to do.

    Has anyone else been through this? I don't know what else I can do, I don't want to leave him but it's looking like that is the only option I have to get him to see that I am 100% serious about this. Does anyone else have any ideas that might make him listen? It's killing me everyday going through this.

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    So sorry you're going through this. I have problems in my marriage too. Took a while for DH to agree to counselling, he was very anti the whole thing. But was ok when he was there.

    Sounds like your DH isn't communicating with you much. Is that your main frustration? A lost connection? Just trying to understand.
    Could you suggest a 'technology free night' per week to do things together as a couple? Have a nice dinner, talk, play board games, etc.

    Sounds like you really need to tell him how you feel, if he doesn't listen could you write him a letter explaining it all and make some suggestions for doing things together?

    Not sure if that's any help. But big hugs x

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    Hi MarkandSandy, would it be possible to ask him to put his phone down for a bit so you can both have a conversation where he's not distracted? If you're not happy then you're doing the right thing trying to discuss it before it gets too far down the track. Is it a lack of not spending time together? You should tell him that you'll start meeting him at the gym & you can train together

    I hope he listens to you & is able to discuss with you how he is feeling. I think it's important to get your feelings across & at least that way it's not bottled up & he knows exactly how you feel.

    Good luck

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    hi markandsandy. you have been trying to communicate this problem for 6 months and he still hasn't come to the table so to speak. !! I would be maybe getting some counselling on my own. There has to be some way to get though to him. Maybe I would go on strike, stop doing any thing for him, sort of pretend he doesn't exist, and when you have his attention tell him this is how you are feeling. that might not work, but after 6 months I would be pulling my hair out. good luck, marie.

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    Could you try wiring him a letter outlining your feelings?

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    I've tried writing him a letter, texting and talking to him. I think he is just turning a blind eye to everything.

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    He sounds very disconnected. That makes it very hard to make any progress. Can you try changing your angle a bit and ask him what is making him feel disconnected/upset/unhappy? And let him talk rather than you taking (initially)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Redcorset View Post
    He sounds very disconnected. That makes it very hard to make any progress. Can you try changing your angle a bit and ask him what is making him feel disconnected/upset/unhappy? And let him talk rather than you taking (initially)
    I agree. Something is going on for him. He needs to be an adult and talk to you about it, not bury his head in the sand. If he continues to refuse I'd be seeking counselling alone to discuss the situation.

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    You can't make him listen or talk if he doesn't want to. But you also shouldn't have to put up with being ignored either. Maybe get some counselling on your own first, see how that goes. If he won't get involved though, and he won't change, then there's not much you can do except leave.


 

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