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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScubaGal View Post
    Totally. Kids are just excited by you and their elbow and funny noises... You can still have a career.

    I'm in the reverse position, compared to my friend I mentioned it took me a lot longer to find my DH and in the mean time I got a successful career through accident and hard work but not because I particularly wanted to be at the top of my game. Turned out that when I was finally ready our only option was IVF. I'm thankfully now pregnant and I wish my husband was the big earner so I could take a nice long mat leave but it's my salary that brings home the bacon so it's not really an option.
    I'll have to find another career...with my current job being FIFO, I couldn't go back to it as it would mean leaving my child for weeks at a time, and my DP is also FIFO, so it's not an option unfortunately. I'll just have to put it out there to the universe to help me find another open door that suits my new life and see what I stumble upon.

    Congrats on your pregnancy - what a relief, you lucky thing

    Oh and @harvs sorry I forgot to answer your query about terminating...I don't want to do it for a couple of reasons...firstly I fell pregnant when I thought I couldn't. My doctor told me I was a likely candidate for IVF...So if this is a one-off miracle, it would be the most ungrateful thing to do to terminate.
    Also my mum has lost 2 children and would give anything to hold them again...it seems like a dishonour for me to do something so flippant as to terminate something that my mum and so many other women wish they had.

    But I had considered counselling...if I don't snap out of this attitude soon I will book myself in. Thanks

  2. #12
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    You really don't know how you are going to feel until you have your baby. I was complaining about how bored I was going to be and worried about staying home with a baby and if I could be patient with kids, but literally the moment he was born that all changed.

    Not to say that will or should happen to you, but just know that you really can't predict how you are going to feel a year from now.

    I know how hard it is to find a job you love, but in my case coming back from maternity leave somehow resulted in me finding a position where I'm earning more and the work is easier! You just can't predict where changes like this will take you, it could be somewhere great. This could really be a miracle, and I think you need to try to accept it as one because you have already made up your mind not to terminate, so it's the only way ahead for you right now.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Eilonwy For This Useful Post:

    Explora  (20-09-2014),ScubaGal  (18-09-2014)

  4. #13
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    You sound like a smart, insightful woman who isn't scared of hard work. Having a little one will change how you approach your new career, but that won't necessarily make the work part of your life any less exciting or rewarding (or frustrating or downright hard). Hopefully a new career will bring new and different opportunities you can't even imagine now. And it sounds like your little one will grow up with a mum that loves them to bits and leads by example by teaching/showing them the value of hard work, respecting yourself and people around you. Lucky baby!

    Seriously, be gentle on yourself. Pregnancy is a hormonal and emotional minefield full of freak outs even when it's planned. You have the added burden of sudden and unexpected to deal with. It doesn't make you a bad person.

    Give the career move some time to settle. Someone told me it takes 12 months after birth to be able to make insightful/unemotional career decisions about work-family balance and that was certainly true for me. You obviously have to decide about your current job sooner than that, but maybe hold off investing your savings until life and hormones have settled and you are more certain about how a new business will align with your new groove. That's not to say quit work to sit around and watch daytime tellie in the meantime. Is studying an option for you?

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    Explora  (20-09-2014)

  6. #14
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    I had (and still have) very similar feelings, what you're going through sounds totally normal to me. It's so hard though!
    I accidentally fell pregnant within 2 months of starting an amazing PhD that I'd moved interstate for and was so lucky to be accepted in to. So I really struggled throughout my pregnancy with wondering if I'd made the right choice, how was I ever going to maintain a career, how would I still find a sense of identity and self-worth without being in that whole academic environment that's always been so important to me.
    And not going to lie, I still struggle with it! But my 3 month old is pretty awesome so that makes it a bit easier

    The only piece of advice I can think of is something a counsellor told me, which is that even if you become a mother, that doesn't mean that you're not still the person you were before (you just might not have the job title for a while!). So in my case, she said that I was still educated, intelligent, scientifically minded, etc, and while your job might change, you won't lose those sort of underlying attributes. (It might feel you have when you haven't slept in days and can only think about short term baby stuff but that's only temporary!)

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    Explora  (20-09-2014)

  8. #15
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    Is there any way your role could become live in rather than FIFO? If a company really wants to keep you they'll make it work.

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eilonwy View Post
    You really don't know how you are going to feel until you have your baby. I was complaining about how bored I was going to be and worried about staying home with a baby and if I could be patient with kids, but literally the moment he was born that all changed.

    Not to say that will or should happen to you, but just know that you really can't predict how you are going to feel a year from now.

    I know how hard it is to find a job you love, but in my case coming back from maternity leave somehow resulted in me finding a position where I'm earning more and the work is easier! You just can't predict where changes like this will take you, it could be somewhere great. This could really be a miracle, and I think you need to try to accept it as one because you have already made up your mind not to terminate, so it's the only way ahead for you right now.
    I know you are 100% right...I know my feeling will change as this progresses and as the baby is born. I'm just struggling to accept there will be a baby in 8 months. If I see a mother with a baby, or baby clothes or dummies or anything that reminds me of a baby, I turn away and don't look at it. It's horrible and a sad way to be. I hope my feelings change soon. Thanks for your reply.

  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by clbj View Post
    You sound like a smart, insightful woman who isn't scared of hard work. Having a little one will change how you approach your new career, but that won't necessarily make the work part of your life any less exciting or rewarding (or frustrating or downright hard). Hopefully a new career will bring new and different opportunities you can't even imagine now. And it sounds like your little one will grow up with a mum that loves them to bits and leads by example by teaching/showing them the value of hard work, respecting yourself and people around you. Lucky baby!

    Seriously, be gentle on yourself. Pregnancy is a hormonal and emotional minefield full of freak outs even when it's planned. You have the added burden of sudden and unexpected to deal with. It doesn't make you a bad person.

    Give the career move some time to settle. Someone told me it takes 12 months after birth to be able to make insightful/unemotional career decisions about work-family balance and that was certainly true for me. You obviously have to decide about your current job sooner than that, but maybe hold off investing your savings until life and hormones have settled and you are more certain about how a new business will align with your new groove. That's not to say quit work to sit around and watch daytime tellie in the meantime. Is studying an option for you?
    Thank you, you are so kind! What a warm and lovely person you are.
    Your advice is excellent, re waiting before jumping in to a financial venture too quickly. I think studying will be the perfect answer to keep me busy and feeling like I'm doing something useful, while I let everything settle.

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by deku View Post
    I had (and still have) very similar feelings, what you're going through sounds totally normal to me. It's so hard though!
    I accidentally fell pregnant within 2 months of starting an amazing PhD that I'd moved interstate for and was so lucky to be accepted in to. So I really struggled throughout my pregnancy with wondering if I'd made the right choice, how was I ever going to maintain a career, how would I still find a sense of identity and self-worth without being in that whole academic environment that's always been so important to me.
    And not going to lie, I still struggle with it! But my 3 month old is pretty awesome so that makes it a bit easier

    The only piece of advice I can think of is something a counsellor told me, which is that even if you become a mother, that doesn't mean that you're not still the person you were before (you just might not have the job title for a while!). So in my case, she said that I was still educated, intelligent, scientifically minded, etc, and while your job might change, you won't lose those sort of underlying attributes. (It might feel you have when you haven't slept in days and can only think about short term baby stuff but that's only temporary!)
    Yes, you are right. Women are more than just mothers. We just have to juggle things carefully and push for more if that's what we want.
    Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad your little one brings you happiness and I hope you get to finish your PhD one day

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  13. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by 79me View Post
    Is there any way your role could become live in rather than FIFO? If a company really wants to keep you they'll make it work.
    Unfortunately my job is very remote and moves around a lot, so there is not one permanent town I could move to that would suit. (Plus I'm a contractor, so no maternity leave or obligation to assist me with residential option).

  14. #20
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    Keep an eye on your emotions, you mention how you are not normally negative. Pregnancy, especially the first trimester, turns me from an optimist into a pessimist. Two pregnancies I even developed depression in the first trimester, the hormones do crazy things! So don't feel bad about how you are feeling. The physical things going on now will be partly responsible.

    I haven't been in your position in terms of an unplanned pregnancy but I've always been an ambitious career person. So the adjustment to motherhood came with some struggles. Now I have #2 I can tell you that one child is easy to make them work into your plans a little more. We travelled on an extended around the world trip while our 1st was a baby.

    When we came back I struggled to find part time work (over qualified/too much management experience) but chance led me to a job that then guided me to further study and my new career. I now have a job that is rewarding, family friendly and part time/casual. These have been really important once #2 bub came along, especially now DH has started working FIFO.

    Like some PPs, I just can't do the full time SAHM thing. I end up in a demotivated slump feeling like a mere shell of myself. I do get so much joy from my children, but I am more than my kids. Apart from the end of pregnancy and the first year or so, I have not put my life on hold for my kids. There is no reason why you need to. New options will open up when the time is right.

    PS. Throw away any glorified ideals and visions of motherhood. It is what it is, you just get on and do it any way that works.

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