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  1. #1
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    Default WWYD - friends wedding

    So long story, a friend who was my bridesmaid is getting married in a couple of months.

    For one reason or another we haven't seen much of each other over the last couple of years, she's met my dd about 3 times and I her dh to be once.

    I got an email about a hens lunch which is a secondary event to a weekend away which I'm not invited to. Hmm ok she has closer people in her life atm.

    I quietly start to wonder about the wedding as it's not far away and I haven't seen a save the date or anything (she's not the type to not send a save the date). She contacts me this week and asks if we can get together with our partners for dinner or something, I agree.
    Wedding Invitation arrives yesterday, RSVP by end of the month.

    I can't shake the feeling I was on the B list. Does it matter? Probably not. But then I'm thinking if I wasn't invited...

    So turns out the wedding is midweek so I would have to take a least one day off work, probably two if we stay the night, and id also have to ask my parents to look after dd and most likely take some time of work (they'd do this in a minute if I asked).

    So if you're still reading WWYD? Is that too much effort for a wedding you almost weren't invite to?

  2. #2
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    As for whether or not you were on a b list, I'm not sure. She did invite you to the hens lunch, and although you say she's not the type not to send a save the date, that doesn't necessarily mean she did. Planning a wedding as you know gets a little crazy and even the most organised people can forget things or have things not happen to schedule.

    She's invited you to the hens lunch, the wedding, and also wants to catch up for dinner. In my book that's pretty good. It's not much notice and it's midweek...so whether you can make it to the wedding, stay the night or whatever I'm not sure - but I think she has good intentions and I wouldn't dwell on whether there was ever a b list or not.

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  4. #3
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    I think you are possibly reading too much into it. I only just sent my invites at the end of September, RSVP October and wedding is November. Save the Dates only went out a couple of weeks before that simply because the chick who was designing my Invite template had a death in the family and had some much needed time off.

    I personally wouldnt think its too much effort for ME to go to that wedding.

  5. #4
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    Just go and enjoy it. Weddings are usually fun! I hate all the stuff that surrounds weddings like who gets invited etc. I think we'll go overseas to avoid it if we marry!

  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by vue View Post
    As for whether or not you were on a b list, I'm not sure. She did invite you to the hens lunch, and although you say she's not the type not to send a save the date, that doesn't necessarily mean she did. Planning a wedding as you know gets a little crazy and even the most organised people can forget things or have things not happen to schedule.

    She's invited you to the hens lunch, the wedding, and also wants to catch up for dinner. In my book that's pretty good. It's not much notice and it's midweek...so whether you can make it to the wedding, stay the night or whatever I'm not sure - but I think she has good intentions and I wouldn't dwell on whether there was ever a b list or not.
    I agree with this.

    When we got married we could only have a limited number if guests due to size of venue and finances. We did 2 lists- immediate family and close friends, then another list of more distant family and friends who we werent in touch with as regularly. If someone on our first list couldnt make it, we worked our way down the second list. It wasnt that we didnt care about the people on the second list or that we didnt want them there, it was purely a numbers issue and we had to be strict with it. If we could have invited everyone straight up, we would have done it in a heart beat.


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    Last edited by SheWarrior; 17-09-2014 at 13:25.

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  8. #6
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    Maybe she accidentally forgot you, dp and I went over our list 6 times or more making sure we hadn't forgot anyone and we forgot his brother with so many people to invite it's easy to do we did it and his brother is definitely not on the b list it's just so overwhelming trying to do everything and not forget anything or anyone

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    Is this a friendship you want to pursue? Or do you think it is dying a natural death?

    If it were a friendship I wanted to have in the future and was willing to invest in it and the logistics of attending the wedding could be sorted then yes I would go.

    If I felt the friendship was on it's way out anyway and it was a bit too hard basket to sort out logistics then I would not go.

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  11. #8
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    I think if you want to try and continue the relationship, then perhaps make the effort to attend the wedding and hens. Maybe it's just the chance you need to rekindle your friendship! Otherwise, if you are happy to let it fizzle out, don't bother.

  12. #9
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    I think most of the facts surrounding timing of invites and hens etc are irrelevant, it depends on A) whether the friendship is valuable to you, and B) logistically whether you can make it (which it sounds like you can if you're willing to).

    Good luck with the decision.

  13. #10
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    I'd just go and enjoy the event, stuff everything else. Experience joy and share their special day regardless of how your friendship has evolved (and there's free booze. Cough cough)

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