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  1. #1
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    Default Everything is a complete mess

    Sd , 15, went out of town on Friday a couple hours away to go drinking with friends. Yes dh allowed it. I was unaware. There's been enough conflict between all of us lately. Dh turns a blind eye to the reality because all he wants is a happy harmonious home.
    Fast forward to Sunday when she is supposed to be home, and he has no idea where she is. She then rocks up at 8pm with 2 puppies claiming they are hers and no one is touching them at all. None of it was thought through....ie who will look after them when she's with her mum, or at school etc. or even who will pay for anything for them.and the fact we have a golden retriever already. We tried getting another dog only two months ago but it didn't work out with having two dogs here.
    Much arguing occurred. (I'll leave it at that or too long a story)It resulted in myself getting our 3 kids out of bed and going to stay with a friend.
    Yesterday sd took her two dogs around town to try see if her friends would want at least one of them. She's had the day off school, and dh is up to his second day off work as he is that depressed. She could only re home one so hasn't been home since and dh has no idea where she is.
    He is home again from work as he pretty much having a breakdown. He doesn't want a second dog at all, but wants to say yes to her just so she stays home.
    Dh thinks it will teach her responsibility and may stop her going out on weekends. I refuse to look after it while she's at school as I have my own three kids plus I do family day care.i do not think it's fair to teach her responsibility this way, it's not fair on the dog. She proved yesterday she is not capable of making decisions that are good when I read on her fb status that it was a pretty scary moment sitting in her friends car boot while her friend did skids and burnouts.
    I've booked an appointment for dh to see a dr about going back on his anti depressants, and am ringing around trying to find a crisis counsellor for he and I to talk with together

  2. #2
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    Oh you poor thing. I have read your posts in the past and its obvious things are going from bad to worse. I have no advice but wanted to send you some big hugs.

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    I'm sorry, I don't have any advice for you but hang in there. XXOO

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    What's the bio mother like? Is she a reasonable person? If so maybe you could have a chat to her and explain that DH isn't in the frame of mind at the moment to deal with this, and she needs to sort out SD and the dog issue. I would put my foot down and say the dog can't come over because it's not fair on your current dog - but I'm not sure how tenuous the situation is and whether that would make things worse. It's a bit of a stretch to think this dog will make her less likely to go out on the weekends, I'd say she will still go out as she pleases and just leave the dog with you. Sounds like she's pretty much allowed to do whatever she wants at the moment, a pretty dangerous offering to an irresponsible 15 year old. Most can't handle that sort of freedom. Hope things get better soon!

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    Yes that is my point. It'll be a novelty for a few days the once it starts to get big and lose it's cuteness the novelty will be gone.
    BM lives 6 hours away. She would say a definite no as well. The relationship between sd and her is rocky. Sd wanted to see her in the holidays for a week, which we agreed to, however it's the first long amount of time they'll be spending together since 24 months

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    I wish I could offer you some practical advice, but I don't have the experience (I only have a 'threenager').

    I recall your other thread and she doesn't seem to have any respect for authority. It's very troubling and must be such a stress to you and your DH (obviously the poor guy is at his wits end).

    Somehow, this girl needs a wake up call. She is causing so much distress to her family and it really isn't fair.

    Good luck with the counselling. It must be bloody hard

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    Letting her keep that dog is no way to teach her responsibility - it will teach her that she can do whatever she wants and get rewarded for it.

    It sounds like your DH is going through a rough time, but he needs to clamp down on this behaviour now, not letting her go drinking - skidding and burn outs etc, before something happens you know?

    Maybe ring Bio mum and tell her everything you have just written here and see if you can come to an arrangement?

  8. #8
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    Default Everything is a complete mess

    Wow that sounds like quite a night! I can sense your desperation in this post, and I too have been reading some of your other threads. It must be so challenging. I have no experience with teenagers or step parenting, but one thing I know from teaching is that unless all adults in her life are on exactly the same page then it will be very difficult to rein in her behaviour. Is that a conversation you all can have before SD goes to stay with her bio mother? I can imagine that the mother might be tempted to be a little indulgent if they haven't spent a lot of time together.

    I really feel for your whole family. What are her grades like at school? I think I would be tying in permission to go out with performance and attendance at school, and completion of chores and respectful behaviour at home. It seems to me like she is actually screaming out for boundaries or to be noticed. I can understand why your husband would be tempted to stick his head in the sand, but now is the crucial time to step up and be the parent who is firm but fair and loving. It's not fair on you to bear the entire responsibility for your family's wellbeing. I hope he can seek help and be open to doing whatever he needs to do.

    If counselling is not an option, there is a free podcast called PPP parenting, and there are plenty of others. Maybe you both could sit together and listen to a few, and have a really open discussion about where to from here?

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  10. #9
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    tazz475 is offline Holy banjo, check out boob mountain!
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    There's an organisation run through the hospital called CAMHS which is specifically aimed at children and adolescents under the age of 17. They can help with mental health issues as well as behavioral difficulties. I think they also offer counselling for parents as well. Might be worth giving them a ring and seeing if they can help you. I don't have teenagers, but I was a 'troublesome teen' myself and went through CAMHS with my mum.

    http://www.nslhd.health.nsw.gov.au/S...camhs-hkh.aspx
    Last edited by tazz475; 16-09-2014 at 14:38.

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  12. #10
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    What a very stressful time for you all. Well done and thank goodness your family have you- who is able to see clearly through this haze and the benefit of a councilor at this point in time.


 

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