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  1. #1
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    Default Mummas with 3 or more kids...

    Hey superheroes in everyday clothes!

    Hubby and I have always talked about having 3-4 kids. I still want this and (depending on when the subject arises) so does dh.

    We've just welcomed #2 into the world. It's an adjustment to say the least but most days I'm keen as to go again.

    Just wondering how many kids you have, what makes your parenting capacity able to do 3 or more children, (like expectations you've had to let go, standards you've had to relax on)? I guess finance is worth a serious mention too...?

    How do you manage to spread yourself amongst all your darling children and feel like you're connecting with them all... and is it hard not to have favourites? I don't have a favourite among my 2, but I know some parents just connect better with one of their kids than others.

    Anyway, would love to hear how you do it and make it work and manage to give the big finger to "mothers' guilt" so you can get on with your big family.

    Thanks for any insight xo

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    My long answer didn't post, grrrrrr! I will try again tomorrow :-)

  3. #3
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    Hate that!!

    Thanks heaps

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    Congratulations on baby #2 exciting and busy times!
    As soon as I had DD2 I knew I wanted another, so much so that DD3 arrived 10.5 months later I didn't find going from 2-3 much different and I loved my girls all close together. We now have 4 girls which can get expensive. You need a bigger car, house(if you don't want kids sharing), schooling (my girls go private but luckily get a family discount), even getting Maccas can be pricey feeding 6 people BUT out of all of this I wouldn't have it any other way.. I love having a loud, crazy house. Love it so much that we are hoping for #5 in the next year or 2

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  6. #5
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    I have 3. It's very hard and constant work.
    As for your questions.... hmmm.... I wouldn't say I do anything special to make it work.... I guess my friends all tell me I'm a very good mother (eg- high expectations on behaviour- good manners, behaving in public, sitting still when required, they don't get away with cheeky attitude etc etc), so I guess that is a big thing.
    Standards I've relaxed- housework!
    Finance- irrelevant IMO. I've always been in a low income family; when married and now as a single mum. Yes it's tight but it would've been almost as tight with 2 kids rather than 3. The only thing I must say about finances is that they do get a LOT dearer as they get older- think 3 x swim fees, dance/taekwondo/scout/soccer fees, plus all the incidental costs like birthday parties, excursions, camps etc. I have one starting high school next year and my bestie always tells me horror stories of high school fees LOL, I shudder to think of x3 high school fees. That being said, I believe finances are never perfect and no matter what you have you'll probably always feel it's not quite matching to your lifestyle IYKWIM.

    One on one time- is SO hard. This is something I struggle with I must admit. Every school holidays I try to have a day out with each child. Which is hard because then I need 3 x days of babysitters, as well as babysitters for work, so I feel like I'm asking a lot of people. I had decided a while ago that once a week I was going to let each child sit up with me after bedtime and play a game/ read a book/ watch telly etc.... but you know what, after spending the day running around after 3 kids, I just want them all to get into bed and leave me alone LOL.

    Favourites- yeah..... that's not very PC to say, but yes I do click better with two of my kids than the other one. I do get a bit a guilt about that.

    Most days I love the busyness of having 3; I feel quite special and important to have 3 little lives to look after and organise, to run around to activities and see all their proud moments. But I must admit there are many times I struggle with having 3, 3 x the fights and the whinging and moaning, there are times when I daydream about having only two!

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  8. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    I have 3. It's very hard and constant work.
    As for your questions.... hmmm.... I wouldn't say I do anything special to make it work.... I guess my friends all tell me I'm a very good mother (eg- high expectations on behaviour- good manners, behaving in public, sitting still when required, they don't get away with cheeky attitude etc etc), so I guess that is a big thing.
    Standards I've relaxed- housework!
    Finance- irrelevant IMO. I've always been in a low income family; when married and now as a single mum. Yes it's tight but it would've been almost as tight with 2 kids rather than 3. The only thing I must say about finances is that they do get a LOT dearer as they get older- think 3 x swim fees, dance/taekwondo/scout/soccer fees, plus all the incidental costs like birthday parties, excursions, camps etc. I have one starting high school next year and my bestie always tells me horror stories of high school fees LOL, I shudder to think of x3 high school fees. That being said, I believe finances are never perfect and no matter what you have you'll probably always feel it's not quite matching to your lifestyle IYKWIM.

    One on one time- is SO hard. This is something I struggle with I must admit. Every school holidays I try to have a day out with each child. Which is hard because then I need 3 x days of babysitters, as well as babysitters for work, so I feel like I'm asking a lot of people. I had decided a while ago that once a week I was going to let each child sit up with me after bedtime and play a game/ read a book/ watch telly etc.... but you know what, after spending the day running around after 3 kids, I just want them all to get into bed and leave me alone LOL.

    Favourites- yeah..... that's not very PC to say, but yes I do click better with two of my kids than the other one. I do get a bit a guilt about that.

    Most days I love the busyness of having 3; I feel quite special and important to have 3 little lives to look after and organise, to run around to activities and see all their proud moments. But I must admit there are many times I struggle with having 3, 3 x the fights and the whinging and moaning, there are times when I daydream about having only two!
    I've typed and deleted two replies that I wrote because it all just sounded so scary and negative but this is pretty well how it is for me too. Although I don't have a favourite. My youngest is really difficult and I struggle to parent him, but when it's just me and him he is easy and we get along well.
    My three will all be at school as of next year and there will be no sadness about my baby going to school. I am on the countdown, I just can't wait!
    I don't know what it's like to have four, and never will. I think I am so traumatised by having three under four with a DH who works such long hours he was never around to help and my third was such a difficult baby (still is difficult) that I could not ever face having another baby.
    I always thought life would be easier once they got older and in some aspects it is...like I get sleep now (I went 7 years straight with broken sleep...that was tough) but then our afternoons are so busy because if I don't have an after school activity to take a child to there are extra children here. I often have 5 or 6 kids in my house after school. I don't have a husband who can be at home getting dinner started while I'm watching the kids at swimming lessons or vice versa so will walk through the door at 6.30pm needing to get all kids showered and cook dinner by myself...it sucks. I often don't sit down until 9-9.30pm. With two small kids all was done and dusted by 7.30pm...I miss those days

    I have found some find the transition from 2-3 really easy and some find it really hard. I have found raising three kids hard.

    One tip...don't ever expect to ever get on top of your washing. My aunty had three kids and I have memories from my childhood about the washing piles that seemed to be a permanent feature on her lounge...I now have that permanent washing pile and my mum always comments that it reminds her of going to my aunty's house...I don't know why but that one extra person produces 10x the amount of washing! I have a 10kg washing machine and wash every single day, sometimes two loads....between towels, sheets, and the clothes....argh...it never ends! I dream of the day I no longer have to wash for five!! haha Oh and I stopped ironing clothes when no. 3 came along...that was another way of coping with a larger family.

  9. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lissy12 View Post
    Hey superheroes in everyday clothes!

    Hubby and I have always talked about having 3-4 kids. I still want this and (depending on when the subject arises) so does dh.

    We've just welcomed #2 into the world. It's an adjustment to say the least but most days I'm keen as to go again.

    Just wondering how many kids you have, what makes your parenting capacity able to do 3 or more children, (like expectations you've had to let go, standards you've had to relax on)? I guess finance is worth a serious mention too...?

    How do you manage to spread yourself amongst all your darling children and feel like you're connecting with them all... and is it hard not to have favourites? I don't have a favourite among my 2, but I know some parents just connect better with one of their kids than others.

    Anyway, would love to hear how you do it and make it work and manage to give the big finger to "mothers' guilt" so you can get on with your big family.

    Thanks for any insight xo
    We have 4 of our own plus dh's sister so 5 all up. When we had #3 it the thing I found hardest was getting out and about- getting kids into the car etc. But after a couple of short trips to the shops etc it became like second nature. In every other way dd3 just slotted perfectly into our lives. I would spend 1 on 1 time with dd1 when the other 2 were sleeping, then days dd1 was at daycare I spent 1 on 1 time with dd2 while dd3 was sleeping. 1 on 1 time with dd3 usually happened at night (made the night feeds much more pleasant).

    Having dd4 was a whole different ball game. Dh works away weeks at a time so its just the kids and I. I do struggle to get 1 on 1 time with all of them, but most days I manage to do it. I do connect with dd2 more than the others, always have. I think because she is such a placid kid, where as the others are firey and full on and very independent. As for favourites- its which ever one isnt crying/throwing a tantrum at the time lol.

    Honestly I dont know how we make it work. We just do. No tricks or tips, we just go with the flow. Finances can be an issue at times, and sometimes (a lot of the time) they dont get what they want. But they always have what they need and thats most important to us. They are surrounded by love, and not having all the material things they want makes them appreciate it when they do get something all the more.

    Ive had to relax on a few things- mainly the fact my house will never be display home tidy. Some days I just dont get any house work done and it annoys me but it will still be there tomorrow, my kids won't be this little forever.

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
    Embrace the chaos

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  11. #8
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    Thanks for sharing. Things to think about. Anyone else?

  12. #9
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    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
    Embrace the chaos [/QUOTE]

    Just looking at your signature. You started with a bigger gap and got smaller and smaller. Planned or just the way it panned out?

  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lissy12 View Post
    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
    Embrace the chaos
    Just looking at your signature. You started with a bigger gap and got smaller and smaller. Planned or just the way it panned out?[/QUOTE]

    Dd1 and dd2 were surprises. Had a m/c between dd1 and dd2 as well. Dd3 and dd4 were planned but fell pregnant 1st cycle ttc which we weren't expecting either lol. Had an early m/c just before falling pregnant with dd3 also (only 3 weeks between m/c and falling pregnant with dd3).

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
    Embrace the chaos


 

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