+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 48
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    3,197
    Thanks
    312
    Thanked
    960
    Reviews
    13
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Don't accept the toys. Slightly different concept( and sorry to vent) but my mil keeps buying boxes of Huggies when on special- we are now 100% using cloth so after last box ( where we mixed used) I said no more, She brought another box.
    I said thank you but no thanks keep them at yours but we won't take them.
    Dd is now nearly out of that size,she text DH the other week asking if we wanted them for daycare- we said no. Her response - but she'll grow out of them and it's a waste. We stuck to our guns it's her problem we said no to begin with.
    So moral of mine story - don't accept and maybe keep them wrapped and donate to charity?

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    191
    Thanks
    45
    Thanked
    18
    Reviews
    1
    She actually asked us what to get him when she visited the last time and DH and i had a lengthy discussion w them about it then how we thought it was overload for DSs cousins last year. He then sent a text a week later to make sure. What's the point her asking then if she's going to ignore it anyway?
    They live in a different city so we cant just send it all back but we see them every month and every visit its the same. DSs cousins get so used to it that the one time she didnt bring anything the kids were rude and said "what where's our present - tantrum" this is exactly what we want to avoid with our DS. We ve seen enough in the past.
    DSs is only going to be 9 months at xmas so he wont even remember the expensive toys.

    About not asking for toys -- DHs sister does it all the time and somehow they respect that from her but not for us. I also notice that its more competing with the other grandparents TBH. But i dont understand why. As said before my parents live overseas and see DS even less. And they ask what we need and respect our wish. No need to compete for my childs attention at all.
    I know it is about them competing w my parents for DSs love because with SILs kids my MIL used to brag to me how they thought they only had one grandma because they're grandma on daddy's side lived far away and couldnt see them often. She enjoyed it so much telling me that. And my parents being overseas she is hoping to be DSs only grandma as well. Its just frustrating that we have clashing family values.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    4,109
    Thanks
    1,604
    Thanked
    2,085
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    It doesn't sound like they are competing with anyone to buy more toys, it sounds like they have always showered their grandkids with gifts and are continuing to.

    ETA: I was typing this while you were replying with more details in why you see it as competing.

    I love some of the ideas in here such as collaborating with them to get big things such as a swing set, rather than lots of smaller gifts. Or keeping a lot of toys at their house for when you visit.

    As someone with a child who has birthday and Christmas close, storing some gifts for later in the year is pretty standard.

    I feel that if you start to demand 'no presents', or declare in front of grandparents that you'll be giving most of what you just received to charity, it will make their behavior worse. In their eyes, they will feel like your child is being deprived. This could already be part of their motivation. You see yourself as teaching your child to value things other than the materialistic, they probably just see him missing out. Assuming this is the case, learning how to 'manage' the in-laws now will help down the track. You may, for example, find it better to not tell them you don't allow DS lollies because if you do they will feel the need to make sure he's not missing out and overload him when they see him.

    I agree with PP, it will take more than being spoiled by grandparents to turn your child into a brat. In fact they might be able to help teach your child about the pleasure and joy you can get from giving.
    Last edited by Stretched; 07-09-2014 at 08:35.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Stretched For This Useful Post:

    delirium  (07-09-2014),vue  (07-09-2014)

  5. #24
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    1,581
    Thanks
    748
    Thanked
    733
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Id be devestated if I was told to limit what I give my grandkids. Its one of the fun bits actually having the money to afford it all lol. Apart from special momento/keepsakes that may just be for the parents to buy I will be spoiling my grandkids rotten.

    Id either make a donation to a womens shelter and as bub gets older involve him in it. I think that will be a lovely thing to do or else leave it all at the inlaws house. Good luck x

    Sent from my SM-G900I using The Bub Hub mobile app

  6. #25
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Canberra
    Posts
    2,645
    Thanks
    1,036
    Thanked
    863
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Haven't read any other responses. But I think saying just one gift (plus clothes if they like) is fair. You could say thank you for your generosity but we'd rather Christmas be about ds enjoying time with you and less about gifts. Or how about suggesting gifts like an annual play centre pass or similar. So it's not a material gift but something he'll enjoy. And that they can take him and have fun days out?

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Bond Girl For This Useful Post:

    vue  (07-09-2014)

  8. #26
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    276
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked
    98
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by littlelove View Post
    I don't think it's rude to ask for clothes at all. My DS's grandmothers and aunties love buying cute little outfits for the kids! And I love buying them for my nieces and nephews.

    Sent from my GT-I9195T using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Likewise, my mum constantly buys clothes for daughter and by brother constantly buys her trendy trainers! The difference is, they do that of their own accord, I'm not saying "hey don't buy her toys, she needs clothes".

    Sorry my last post was unclear.

  9. #27
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    8
    Thanks
    19
    Thanked
    5
    Reviews
    0
    If you are consistently teaching your son the values you want him to learn, then I'm sure getting spoiled once or twice a year by grandparents isn't going to turn him into a spoiled brat. You say the cousins act spoiled but how do their parents go about the issue? It would make a huge difference.

  10. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Mekoda For This Useful Post:

    AngelicHobgoblin  (07-09-2014),Fox in Sox  (07-09-2014),Liddybugs  (07-09-2014),LoveLivesHere  (07-09-2014),Pusheen The Cat  (07-09-2014)

  11. #28
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    1,474
    Thanks
    630
    Thanked
    795
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    You're so lucky to have grandparents that love your children and spoil them. It's not the presents that will make them materialistic, it's the lessons you and your family teach them. They get too many presents? Give them to kids that need them.

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to moosey For This Useful Post:

    delirium  (07-09-2014),Soon2be4  (07-09-2014)

  13. #29
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    216
    Thanks
    226
    Thanked
    130
    Reviews
    0
    OP, I think I get where you're coming from. It sounds like it's not just Christmas and Birthday presents - it's multiple toys every time the Grandparents are visiting? Is that right? And are they visiting every month? Fortnight? If it's that frequent then I can understand you feeling anxious about your child's ongoing expectations around seeing their grandparents, meaning to them, spending family time means you get toys. And I get the feeling from your posts it's less about having too many toys around, and more about the relationship between your ILs and your child developing into one that relies on gift giving rather than spending time or meaningful interaction. But the point is, you can't control what other people do, if they won't change after you've asked them. And this is just the beginning in terms of other people in your child's life behaving in ways you wouldn't. Smile and nod politely, accept the toys, be happy you are getting a seemingly unlimited supply of things to distract and entertain your child with, and make sure you and your DH stress all the positive values you want your child to identify with regardless of what other people do.

  14. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to vue For This Useful Post:

    moongazer  (07-09-2014),someonesomewhere  (07-09-2014),Stretched  (07-09-2014)

  15. #30
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    22,847
    Thanks
    6,200
    Thanked
    16,892
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    I feel that if you start to demand 'no presents', or declare in front of grandparents that you'll be giving most of what you just received to charity, it will make their behavior worse. In their eyes, they will feel like your child is being deprived. This could already be part of their motivation. You see yourself as teaching your child to value things other than the materialistic, they probably just see him missing out. Assuming this is the case, learning how to 'manage' the in-laws now will help down the track. You may, for example, find it better to not tell them you don't allow DS lollies because if you do they will feel the need to make sure he's not missing out and overload him when they see him.
    This is a valid point. By telling the IL's you don't want your child to have lots of presents and they are only allowed to buy clothes (no offence but what fun is that?) they are probably feeling like your child is missing out. I'm not for a moment saying they are, just that I agree with Stretched that you maybe keeping a vicious circle going.

    In one way I get where you are coming from and I think your values are admirable. But I can see your IL's side too. I also see things changing as your child gets older. Once they hit school it's ipods and phones, loom kits, talking dolls, game consoles. When my eldest was a baby I felt the same as you. Oh how things change lol and sometimes there's just no fighting it.

  16. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    Liddybugs  (07-09-2014),Stretched  (07-09-2014)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Giving to a charity for a gift
    By Monkeyface1 in forum General Chat
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 18-02-2014, 12:26
  2. The Art of Gift Giving
    By Naboo in forum General Chat
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 19-09-2013, 15:35

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Xmas with a NEW Fridge-to-go Lunch Bag! Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Fridge-to-go 8 hour cooler bags are ideal under the Christmas tree! Now in modern lunch bag designs - fill them with toys and chocolate to make parents and kids happy! Stay super cool and eat healthy and fresh food all summer long!
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Innovations Sports Physiotherapy
Women’s Health Physios who are able to assess and treat a wide range of Pregnancy and Post Natal Issues. We offer Post Natal Pilates Classes taken by our Physios. These classes help you rebuild strength through your Core and Pelvic Floor.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!