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  1. #1
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    Default How to tell MIL to not make everything a gift giving competition for DS

    My ILs are trying to make Christmas into a gift giving competition. My family lives overseas so they dont usually give toys but they ILs keep doing it. They have done this with all the other grandkids and its something my DH and I have spoken up about and never approved of a million times before DS was born that we dont like it and Christmas is not about overloading kids with toys.

    Now that DS is born we talked to my ILs that we dont want them to do this as we want to teach him the value that Christmas is not about mountains of toys. So DH sent his mum a text last week asking for clothes a size up of what DS is in now as we dont have any in that size yet and DS is too little to remember toys anyway. He has plenty of toys as it is because every time ILs visit they bring toys and toys. MIL never responded.
    Anyway today MIL sends me a text that she bought DS toys for Xmas anyway and she will also buy more clothes for him on top of that.

    How can i get them to back off? i know they are excited about DS but ****, we dont want him to grow up with that materialistic behaviour like his cousins here in DHs part of the family. why cant they just for once not listen to DH and me and respect our boundaries??? its like they are trying to buy DSs love. on a side note, for years and years the ILs have treated me like an intruder and i can write a book about that i wouldnt have enough space.

    I want to send her a text that one present for christmas is enough but i dont know how to in a polite way. BTW two months later it will be DSs first birthday so he will get even more toys then and we simply dont have the room for it and he is too little to remember it all. I hate how they turn everything into a gift giving competition and then they make me feel guilty for not wanting to participate in their ways.

  2. #2
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    What about donating the surplus of gifts to charity?

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  4. #3
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    It's called being grandparents. Both our folks overload us with stuff at birthdays and Xmas. Is your baby the first grandchild?

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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    We have that problem too. They backed off a bit after they realised that in order for the kids to receive new toys their old toys need to go to make space. After having heaps of toy culls it came down to only having their favorite things around. When gift giving time came the kids were told in front of the grand parents that they are going to have to get rid of some more of their toys to make room for the new ones. The grand parents soon realised that giving gifts meant the kids had to get rid of their other treasured toys.

    Toy culling is a necessity here because this house can not possibly cope with any more. We have to store some food and kitchen gadgets in the laundry as the house is so small.

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  7. #5
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    It's called being grandparents. Both our folks overload us with stuff at birthdays and Xmas. Is your baby the first grandchild?

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.
    OP said they have done it with the other grandkids, so obviously their baby is not the first. She also stated that they (her and her DH) have addressed the issue numerous times in the past, even before their baby was born.
    How hard is it to respect their wishes and not buy the child a bazillion toys?!
    OP I think you are being sensible and are within your rights to object to having your child spoilt. Wanting to teach your child the true meaning of Christmas is great. I hope your inlaws respect your request.


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    I would love it if my in laws even acknowledged my daughter at times like Christmas/Birthdays.
    My mum dose go overboard, she buys heaps of toys etc.
    but it's her money that she is spending, I'm not going to tell her how she should spend it, I'm grateful that she has one grandparent who acknowledges she exists and spoils her, it also means that we just buy her clothes, books, etc for Christmas.
    I put half the toys away and as the year goes by I'll bring new ones out and dd really plays with them then.
    Honestly I think it's rude to tell someone how to spend their money when it comes to presents, if they ask what to buy, then give suggestions, but demanding they they only buy X,Y,Z just seems rude to me.

    I understand your point of view though, your son won't use them and you don't want heaps of toys around and it would be more beneficial to have clothes..
    But you should just be thankful for any gift, give it to charity if you really aren't going to use it and leave it at that.
    Your MIL said she would get some clothes as well, so she did listen, she just must really want to buy some toys too, at the end if the day it's her choice what gift she gives. just let her be a bit overbearing in the grandchild gift giving department, say thanks and either give t to charity, put it away for a time your child gets bored with his current toys or throw it out if it's that bad.

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    Sounds like a first world problem to have. Your child isn't going to grow up to be a materialistic brat just because his grandparents want to spoil him on Christmas. That's what grandparents do. Why don't you put away some of the toys and bring them out later in the year? I don't really see the big deal? Sounds like there are deeper issues behind this for you to be reacting this way.

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    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    Etiquette says that once a gift has been given, it's up to the recipient what they do with it. So... you could give the toys to charity, or re-gift them. A recipient's only obligation is to to appropriately thank the giver for their thoughtful gift.

    But the trouble is, none of that stops MIL from doing this!

    Instead of texting, I would sit her down and tell her face to face that whilst you appreciate the sentiment, you've asked for no toys. You don't have the room for toys and that your DS has enough toys. Your MIL will probably laugh it off, pretend you're not serious or completely ignore you.

    If she does ignore you, do one of the above suggestions with the toys, tell her you've done it and reiterate the no toys thing. MIL will probably be cranky but rinse. lather. repeat until it sinks in!

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    We had similar issues with my parents and in laws. I wasn't really that annoyed that they were over loading DD with gifts, I knew they did it out it love, but our house physically couldn't cope with so many toys and they were all over the place and driving me mad.

    Eventually I had to do a huge cull, anything that DD hadn't even looked at recently I boxed up and gave back to each set of grandparents. I said it was so kind of them to shower DD with toys and she should get to enjoy some of them at their houses too. It was all polite and civilized but I think they got the message.

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  17. #10
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    GrabbyCrabby is offline She is everything I need, that I never knew I wanted... She is everything I want, that I never knew I needed...
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    You could send them back to Nanna's like MM suggested, yell her you have too many toys at your house, so you think it would be a good idea to have some there for when he comes to play


 

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