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  1. #11
    BH-KatiesMum's Avatar
    BH-KatiesMum is offline Community Manager
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    Im sorry for the loss of your Grandmother


    and I'm sorry that your workmates were'nt considerate of you - its a sucky feeling when it feels like you dont matter to them


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    Lizard  (06-09-2014)

  3. #12
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    Lizard can I also be completely honest here as someone who is also not a very emotional person - the loss of a grandparent when we are adults is often not appreciated by some as being a sad occasion. As someone who lost their brother when he was 32 I tend to see the loss of an older person as an occasion to celebrate a long and filled life, rather than a sad event. Does that make sense?

    Please don't think I'm trying to "grade" how sad a person should be when someone close to them dies - I'm not at all. It's not a competition. I'm just trying to explain why for me when another adult tells me they lost their grandparent I don't automatically assume it's a sad occasion.

    Again sorry for your loss and I hope my post doesn't add to your upset - just offering a different perspective.


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    Luna Lovegood  (07-09-2014)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie Pallie View Post
    I would still put in but only a tiny bit. I'd be miffed too, your grandmother was your flesh and blood, the other colleagues relative was through marriage.

    To be honest, I'd be a bit embarrassed if my FIL passed away and my workplace bought me flowers for it. It really is over and above for not a direct relative
    my inlaws have been in my life for 20 odd years. They adore my kids and feel like flesh and blood.

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    We have a collection called flower power at work and everyone who contributes money (usually $2/wk) gets flowers or wine for any event happy or sad that year. Some years you may never need them but others you might double dip. If you chose not to contribute then there is no hard feelings if you don't receive anything.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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    Apple iPhart6  (07-09-2014),beebs  (07-09-2014),Lizard  (06-09-2014),ScubaGal  (07-09-2014)

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    I get what you're saying Sonja but I think you are right when you say you cannot 'grade' it.

    If this were about my other grandmother (dad's side) I would feel a sense of relief for her and satisfaction in a full lived life.

    Before my grandmother's diagnosis she was a very healthy active person, always giving of herself and so full of love, she touched so many peoples hearts. She deteriorated very quickly and while at the end we didn't want to see her suffering, I never imagined the next 10 years or so of my life without her in it.

    There are so many variables that people just don't know.

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    Apple iPhart6  (07-09-2014),sunnyflower  (06-09-2014)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    We have a collection called flower power at work and everyone who contributes money (usually $2/wk) gets flowers or wine for any event happy or sad that year. Some years you may never need them but others you might double dip. If you chose not to contribute then there is no hard feelings if you don't receive anything.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.
    This is a good idea! I like it.

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    I also don't agree with putting people into categories of how sad we should be to loose them. I know of one friend whose grandmother raised as as her mother was tragically killed in a car accident when she was young. She was devastated when her grandmother passed. Devastated . So I think we should all be careful not to judge or put labels on the sadness we expect others to feel. We never will always know all the circumstances.

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    Every scenario is different and you can't say that an older person dying isn't necessarily an occasion to be sad. I was an absolute mess when my 92 year old Grandad died. He had a fall, the next day I visited him in hospital, the day after he was dead. When my Poppa died, it was after a prolonged illness during which he had slowly slipped away and wasn't with it anymore so I was relieved he'd found peace.

    I am so sorry for your loss, @Lizard. I love the idea of "flower power" that someone mentioned. I also know the feeling, I was devastated when I left a job after 4.5 years (during which I ALWAYS contributed to gifts) and nobody did ANYTHING for me. It's hurtful and it sucks.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lizard View Post
    I believe X was closer to FIL than own family. But yeah I did feel a little upset by this as mine loss was flesh and blood. I really feel the distance made people not realise how much of a loss it was to me.

    And I forgot to mention I think I will put in but bring it up later that something needs to be done about this as it really is not great for staff morale.
    Sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmother a few years back and it was a pretty rough time. I still think about her quite a lot, and often shed a year when I watch a video of her life that was shown at her funeral.

    Unless there are extenuating circumstances (a person was raised by their grandparent etc) I would draw the line at organising flowers for someone's immediate family (parents, spouse, kids, siblings).

    I'm not saying this to offend you or to try and belittle your grief, however a line has to be drawn somewhere and I think grandparents, in the absence of extenuating circumstances, is a reasonable and common line to draw. I didn't receive flowers when my grandmother passed, this didn't upset me as I didn't expect anything.

    It sounds like your colleague received flowers because her FIL was more like a father to her? As hard as it seems I would try not to take offense at this.

    As for the mat leave case (where someone at your work received a send off and someone else didn't) this was probably due to the one who did get a send off having a close friend at work who put their hand up to organise something. IMO for mat leave cases the responsibility pies with line management to make sure someone in organising something. I didn't receive any real send off when I went on mat leave for my second bub, which miffed me. Quite a contrast to a big morno's and present for my first. People in my office were very very busy at the time of my second though, and I didn't make a big deal of leaving. I hold my supervisor responsible ... I think she realised (too late) that nothing had been done and felt guilty...when bub was born I received a small present and card from my colleagues. The whole thing reiterated to me that work colleagues can be good value however they come and go... In the end it's your family and friends who you should rely on for support when the going gets tough.

    Sorry again for your loss.
    Last edited by VicPark; 07-09-2014 at 03:43.

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    I'm sorry to hear about this, I also am one who doesn't think that you should feel a "certain" way because of someone's connection - ie blood, not blood. When my godmother died - who was my mums first cousin - so hardly related at all-I was absolutely devastated. She was so special to our family - and because she didn't ever have kids of her own, we *were* her family so to speak. I also lost my dad at a young age - and it tore my family apart - so I know what it is like to lose both close family members when you and they are young, and what It is like to lose kindred spirits - closely related or not.

    I would put in for the manager at work - but I would also bring up the suggesting that there should be someone who organises collections for those type of things.

    Sorry for you loss.


 

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