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  1. #1
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    Default Feeling annoyed and guilty.

    I just need to vent about my work place, I'm feeling a bit annoyed and miffed really but then I feel guilty about it.

    So someone in management lost their FIL this week, it was expected he'd been very sick for a while and I am sad for this person's loss. The common thing in such a situation is that someone organises to buy flowers and asks others to put in, which is nice. And this is what what has happened with a note in the staff room saying "I've arranged flowers for X and would appreciate everyone put in for them"

    Normally I wouldn't think twice about this and put in even if X wasn't my favourite person, it's not nice for anyone to loss someone and flowers is a nice gesture.

    Which is where we get to my dilemma, a few months ago I lost my grandmother who I was very close to, in a similar situation it was expected and I was basically waiting for 'the' call. My grandmother lived in another state along with the rest of my family so at the time I didn't leave work that day to go be with them. If I had left work then when I got the call I would have gone home and cried on my own and I didn't feel like being alone, so I struggled through the day till I could be with my DH. Anyway no one at work bothered to buy me flowers. Not everyone knew about my loss but management did and those I work directly with did.

    This was a really hard time for me being away from my family I wasn't able to grieve properly my DH did his best but he had only been in the family just over a year at the time and didn't know my grandmother like I did. It was a week and a half before we went back for the funeral and so in the mean time I just kept working to keep myself busy. I feel like maybe people didn't think it was that big a loss to me because I was still at work through it all.

    Anyway it is not only deaths that this seems to happen with we have had a few leave for maternity leave recently and for one of them people did a collection and bought a basket of stuff and for the next (someone who would have put in for the previous one) no one did anything.

    I just don't think it's fair that some people get this kind of consideration or generosity and others are forgotten all together. So I want to say no I won't put in on behalf of those who aren't treated equally but at the same time I feel I'm horrible if I don't put in because it is for someone's loss.

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    i know the feeling hun. I worked for the same company for 7 years and didn't even get a thank you card at the end of it. Same as the job after - when I left work just before giving birth - nobody even acknowledged me at all. Really peeved me off.. and I have family that still does business with both companies and they always say that my old bosses wonder why I have never ''visited'' or ''kept in touch''... um NO!

    P.S -I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother
    Last edited by GlitterFarts; 06-09-2014 at 09:55.

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    I would put in, you yourself know how it feels to have it ignored, would you wish it on someone else?

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    This is not uncommon. unless someone puts their hand up to be the "official" organiser of collections sometimes people miss out. Are you prepared to take on that role?

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  6. #5
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    I get where you're coming from.
    I would just put in this time and every other it came about because like you said, it's not fair on the person who lost his FIL. It's not about only giving flowers or showing sympathy for those who did the same for you or anybody else iykwim. These things usually don't have any proper planning behind them and I don't think it was intentional, maybe just people being disorganised and unaware; it's basically up to a person to decide to take a collection and I think a lot of times within a workplace people just assume someone else will arrange something and they well be notified. In your case with your grandmother someone obviously dropped the ball and for whatever reason nothing eventuated. I wouldn't think it was done maliciously.
    When I worked in an office HR or a supervisor would normally be responsible for things of that nature and the company would pay. For birthdays it was marked on a calendar and the person who had a birthday morning tea organised the next one and so forth so no one ever missed out and you were only responsible for arranging one event a year.
    I'm sorry for your loss x


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    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 06-09-2014 at 10:41.

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    oh yes - forgot to add in before... I would put in.

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    I would still put in but only a tiny bit. I'd be miffed too, your grandmother was your flesh and blood, the other colleagues relative was through marriage.

    To be honest, I'd be a bit embarrassed if my FIL passed away and my workplace bought me flowers for it. It really is over and above for not a direct relative

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    Thanks for your thoughts guys and words of sympathy.

    To be honest I am feeling very conflicted about this and it's brought up a lot of emotions of how hard that time was for me. I have no family in my city and only a few friends so maybe I relied on my work mates to be friends too much. I used to work a lot closer with X before they went into management and thought we had a fairly good relationship. X was well aware of what I was going through as I had to ask them for time off to go see my grandmother in the months leading up to her passing. But I also know X is not a warm and fuzzy person and even refused to 'put in' for birthdays, leavings etc because of the very reason that they would put in and then no one would put in for their B'day. My current line manager organised flowers for X a while ago when it was known their FIL was sick, and it wasn't looking good. Yet she didn't think to get flowers for me in my time of loss.

    It goes against my nature not to put in, but I really feel something needs to change. I know as some have mentioned that it's not intentional and just a matter of it being over looked, but for those over looked it hurts that no one thought enough about your situation to be moved to do a collection.

    I think an official 'collection person' is a good idea and while I might have to put my hand up to do this right now I still feel a bit raw about it, nor do I think it would be a good time to discuss it with X might have to wait a bit, or for the next need of a collection to bring it up.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Allie Pallie View Post
    I would still put in but only a tiny bit. I'd be miffed too, your grandmother was your flesh and blood, the other colleagues relative was through marriage.

    To be honest, I'd be a bit embarrassed if my FIL passed away and my workplace bought me flowers for it. It really is over and above for not a direct relative
    I believe X was closer to FIL than own family. But yeah I did feel a little upset by this as mine loss was flesh and blood. I really feel the distance made people not realise how much of a loss it was to me.

    And I forgot to mention I think I will put in but bring it up later that something needs to be done about this as it really is not great for staff morale.


 

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