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  1. #1
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    Default Do I confront my husband?

    I was looking through my husband's phone only cause I was bored looking for something to do when I found a chat app where he had been chatting to a lady very explicitly about sex and he wanted to do to her etc . . . I have had this playing on me for 2 days now he has just had surgery and isnt too well I dont know if I confront him cause then I have to explain why I was snooping on his phone. Do I just let it go I am sick with trying to decide. If I do confront him how do I do it? We have 2 small kids

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    I would have to think about whether we could move on as a couple or whether this was a deal breaker for me before I said anything. If it's not a deal breaker then what things do you think will need to happen next? Counselling, open conversations about this etc esp if your trust has diminished. I know when I found my ex-h's 2nd phone (didn't see the contents but he thought I did) that I was driving home to kick him out. I was 5.5 months pregnant and had a 4.5 yo.

    Why were you looking through his phone? I would just say 'I was being nosy (or whatever reason) and now I wish I hadn't because I found this......What can you tell me about that?'. Only you can decide on the timing but I know that if you don't say anything this will eat away at you, your self esteem and your marriage. Others may disagree.

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    I think you should confront him and no matter what way you do it it will be an unpleasant thing unfortunately. It sounds like you think he'll be angry at you for snooping? Don't let him get defensive about it. Agree that snooping is a breach of trust but what he's done is much more serious and a betrayal. Hopefully you guys can sort this out and work through it, I would make sure he is honest about every single thing and detail that has occurred and make sure he is regretful and remorseful. Couples therapy would be good to start asap as there are issues of trust and connection to work on now. Good luck x

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    That's a yucky situation to be put in. I'm so sorry.

    I personally would confront him, you have every right to have picked up his phone, you were using it - I use DFs phone all the time when mine is flat or I can't find it etc. so I would be simply saying you saw this app and wandered what it was etc, he may well accuse you of breaking his trust by 'snooping' but ultimately that's what he has done. Anytime someone is seeking to fulfil desires Outside of the relationship however is a betrayal of trust. He shouldn't be having these conversations with anyone else and it needs to be stopped.

    I would state what you saw, how you fell about it and what needs to be done to fix it. That may be to seek some marriage counselling to resolve the matter or simply asking him to stop. I guess that's up to your judgment and if anything like this has happened before.

    Personally i would also be stating if it ever happens again he can consider himself single since I wouldn't be tolerating this kind of betrayal in any form and would consider this a severe moment of bad judgement, now he knows better he can do better.

    Best of luck!

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    That's a big burden to be carrying around. Similar has happened to me ( with an ex). Definitely need to talk, but pick your moment, obviously when he is better but also when the kids aren't around.

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    From my experience I would confront him about it, same thing happened to me with my ex except he stupidly linked his phone to the ipod in my car, as soon as I confronted him I felt so much better, and when he asked why I was looking through the messages I just said I was being nosey and that if there was nothing to hide there wouldn't of been a problem, good luck

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    I have gone to say something so many times but I just feel so sick at the thought I just can't.

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    Can you identify some of your fears? Sometimes naming them can help sort your emotions.

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    Soon2be4  (04-09-2014)

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    I sent u a private message OP

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    That sux op. I would confront him. you know it will eat away at you if you don't..


 
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