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  1. #1
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    Default Feeling lonely

    I have two kids - 5yo & 3yo. My 5yo is at prep at school and my 3yo is at home with me full time. My dh works from home all week. But somehow I feel lonely. I have anxiety around meeting new people and if someone is not friendly then I get paranoid and think they are avoiding me and that no one wants to talk to me.

    I see other mums being really friendly at school drop off and walking off together chatting - but not with me. If there's a mum I would like to talk to - I feel to shy to wait for her to come out to walk with her. Do I need to be more brave? How do I know if someone wants to be friends?

    Dh suggests inviting other families over but I'm too scared. I hate hosting people as I feel so anxious and can't talk.

    It also seems my son doesn't get invited for some many play dates or parties. I try to go to all the social things, but still don't seem to be able to make friends.

    I go to a playgroup with my 3yo, and though i've known the mums there for almost 2 years, I don't see them outside of weekly playgroup.

    Any tips on how to make friends with the school mums, or other ways I could make new friends?

    I also wonder why I don't seem to make friends as easily as other people - is it just because I'm so anxious?

  2. #2
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    Hugs. It is hard when you feel anxious. I think sometimes anxiety can be interpreted as 'too busy' 'uninterested' 'time poor' 'aloof'. Has ds or dd have one special friend? Maybe start small and ask one mum for a playdate a park? It may also be worth doing some online exercises to combat the social anxiety or at least read about it so you understand it better.

  3. #3
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    I agree . I have anxiety too and I find it hard to make good friends. I think starting small, ask a mum and her child to the park etc.

  4. #4
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    I see your 5yo has their Birthday this month - got anything planned? Why don't you invite the ladies from your play group over with their kids - and also kids from your 5yo's school and their parents. Throw a party/bbq! And have a couple wines before they show up

    Sometimes we really have to just put ourselves out there in order to get anywhere. I don't see a better reason than your child's birthday. Do something for the adults at the birthday too - don't make it just kid orientated i think. My friend threw a party for her son the weekend just gone and while she hired out a party room for the kids at a play center, she also ensured there were nibbles brought out for the adults so we all could sit around and mingle instead of it just being about the kids, but of course the kids were still put first and looked after first... once they were all set, us adults hen got to have our time and relax while the kids ran a muck. And when she had the B'day cake brought out, a tray full of red velvet cup cakes were brought out to us adults, plus there was a tab put on for us to get cuppas/coffees.... Was a really good touch and really got us all mingling.

    I also have anxiety.... but over the years I have forced myself to get out there and it has helped me over come a lot. But you have to bite the bullet and just do it. You have to start somewhere. Sure sometimes in the past I felt very awkward, and was faced with some awkward situations, but that's what life is about so we learn and grow so you just roll with the punches and have a laugh about it later with your DH. Just keep in mind that you and your DH are a team as well.
    Last edited by Serenity Love; 03-09-2014 at 22:36.

  5. #5
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    I have trouble meeting new people as well. I'm a teacher and I understand how tough it can be to talk to parents, even when it is expected from me in my role! Would you feel comfortable with starting off with super baby steps and going from there? One day you could smile at a mum, then build up to greeting, stopping for a quick hello etc? It works for me, because it keep my expectations of myself manageable.

    Also, never underestimate the impact of simply smiling at someone :-)

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    Or join a meetup group ! These groups are great !

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    Can I share a secret? Nobody would know this about me to see me on the outside, but internally I'm actually by nature quite a shy person, and feel the same sorts of anxieties you mention. I actually think there are many others who feel the same way, they just appear to be confident.

    Most ppl love it when they are approached at a function or out in public, why not try just walking up to someone and saying hi? If it helps you could think about a few conversational questions to ask them beforehand such as "how old are your kids", or "what was the last movie you saw?" I promise it will get easier over time.

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    I plan DS birthday parties. It's a way for me to meet his friends and their parents and gain some contacts. As a working Mum- I find this is the only way.

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  10. #9
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    It could also be the opposite - not anything about you but that the other parents are really busy, which is an unfortunate issue with us at the moment, we have too much family stuff going on with family members needing help from us to have any time to do playdates or the like. So we might appear kind of aloof without meaning to.

    I think meetup is a good idea, heard those are very friendly. Lots of fb groups also have local catchups organsied.


 

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