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  1. #31
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    #mama I pretty much wrote this exact post 14 months ago when my DS was born. DS was born a month early and spent 8 days in special care before we could bring him home. For the first few days I barely saw him as I was recovering from an emergency CS and DH was madly trying to finish getting his room ready at home (it was in the middle of being painted and furniture was in peices!), and I couldn't get myself to the nursery to see him. When we finally got to take him home I walked in the door and burst into tears and told DH that I felt like we'd made a huge mistake and I wished we could take him back to the hospital. When he cried I felt nothing, when he was sleeping and looked angelic I felt nothing, when he gazed into my eyes I felt nothing... and it was the worst feeling in the world! I felt especially awful a DH was a natural parent, so good with him and just so in love him, while I just felt anxious and uncaring and overwhelmed.
    But it got better! It will get better for you! I think it took a couple of weeks for my hormones to settle down and when they did I finally felt love for this little creature I had created. It didn't take long before I was gazing at him lovingly and totally smitten with him.
    If you don't feel better in a week or so, please see your MCHN or Dr. PND can happen to anyone, but you can be helped and things will get better if you talk to someone about it.

    Big hugs! It WILL get better x

    Sent from my GT-I9195T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  2. #32
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    I'm another one who felt exactly like you. ds was born and placed on my chest for a few seconds but I was so overtired from labor, I couldn't even move and DS was just limp not crying. He was then he was rushed to SC nursery because of lack of oxygen (the cord was around his neck) and I drifted in and out of sleep.

    Finally about 4 hours later I walked to the nursery and held him properly for the first time and I felt no rush of love. It was like I was just holding someone else's baby. He fed ok but all it could think about was how much I wanted to sleep.

    I was not prepared for how much he changed Our lives and our relationship. I felt regret at getting pregnant and kept thinking what things would be like if I never got pregnant. I would say I built a relationship with DS over the first few weeks and grew to love him more and more. I was never at that extreme stage of wanting to hurt him but it certainly is hard and I felt alone because I thought everyone just loved their babies right away.

  3. #33
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    I will just echo what everyone else said - you are completely normal. I could have written your post when my son was born. Five years later and we have an amazing bond. It grew over time and I think he is the best thing ever now. I know, for me, breast feeding struggles definitely did not help the bonding difficulties, but once those struggles were over I was able to enjoy motherhood so much more.

  4. #34
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    Thankyou, just writing my post felt very freeing and your replies have really helped. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has felt this way. He hated skin to skin when we tried it last week, but will sleep on me as long as I let him so we have been lying on the couch together today and he has been a lot more settled and has spaced his feeding out to hourly. I'm going to try and use my ring sling a bit as well, thankyou for your suggestions. I'll also look at the priscilla Dunstans video - try and catch him before he gets too worked up, although he goes from 0-100 in five seconds flat :/

  5. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to #Mama For This Useful Post:

    BettyV  (02-09-2014),HappyBovinexx  (01-09-2014),littlelove  (01-09-2014),Stretched  (01-09-2014)

  6. #35
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    Your post just made me cry! 'Cos I get it... and you are doing great.

    But I just wanted to say, to hell with what the world thinks. My second baby is two months old and I have walked down my street one evening while he screamed his little head off (I was walking to my brother's house to get something to calm him down - didn't work mind you). I was sure every neighbour heard him. I tried not to let it get the better of me.

    We walk every day. Sometimes he will cry, and I will laugh a little, make a joke, and talk to him. If people judge me, whatever. My MIL judges me and I tell her Whatever. He is a baby, and he is allowed to cry.

    Sometimes I feel annoyed at the crying and say "Shush" and then I feel instantly bad. I feel guilty as I didn't really want this baby, but now I know I just LOVE him in a way I NEVER thought possible. I know for myself the trick is to work like a Buddhist would, calm and content - he feels your stress and needs you to remain secure for him. I remember as a first timer how stressed I would get, and then DP would come along and laugh a little and I thought "Wow, it's really not so bad." The love too, it will come, trust me 😉

    * Big hug *

  7. #36
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    I'm another one who could have written your very post!!

    Took me ages to grow a bond with my daughter... I thought it would be instant but after she was born, the last thing I felt like doing was holding her or looking at her!

    Our feeding was horrible & I had holes in my nipples, I was so anxious leading up to every feed!

    It took me a good couple of months to start feeling much for my daughter but she was diagnosed with colic & reflux, me with PND. Any wonder, she never slept & cried / screamed all day everyday... I too never went out in public in the end!

    I took her to a (gentle - not cry it out) sleep school & learnt heaps about routine. Happy to share, PM me

    One of the best things I ever did & eventually around 4 months she grew out of the colic

    She's now 1 & most days & nights - fantastic! Also couldn't love her more if I tried xxx

  8. #37
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    I had the exact same thing! Our little boy went to special care for the first week so I would only see him for feeds really. We never got to do that skin to skin thing much or have a cuddle, it was always trying to get him to latch on. The day I gave up on trying to breastfeed and went to formula only was the best decision I made for both of us. It made the whole household happier!!

    But aside from the initial little issues with feeding and sleeping and screaming, I also didn't have that 'wow what a precious little miracle' feeling that people are always talking about. I always knew I loved him but never felt the need to stare at him non stop like all my friends said I would. I don't know when I actually fell in love with him but it did happen and now I can't wait till he wakes up so I can get smiles and laughs and hugs. Of course I also can't wait till he goes back to bed either!! He's four and half months now and life is so much easier than when he was new and neither of us knew what we were doing. I know his cries and I know his little cues and I feel like a real mum now rather than just someone who got given a baby to look after. I still have days where things don't go well, like today I've spent most of the day crying and feel like such a pathetic mess, but I love my little family, even if it did take me a little bit to get there.


 

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