#mama I pretty much wrote this exact post 14 months ago when my DS was born. DS was born a month early and spent 8 days in special care before we could bring him home. For the first few days I barely saw him as I was recovering from an emergency CS and DH was madly trying to finish getting his room ready at home (it was in the middle of being painted and furniture was in peices!), and I couldn't get myself to the nursery to see him. When we finally got to take him home I walked in the door and burst into tears and told DH that I felt like we'd made a huge mistake and I wished we could take him back to the hospital. When he cried I felt nothing, when he was sleeping and looked angelic I felt nothing, when he gazed into my eyes I felt nothing... and it was the worst feeling in the world! I felt especially awful a DH was a natural parent, so good with him and just so in love him, while I just felt anxious and uncaring and overwhelmed.
But it got better! It will get better for you! I think it took a couple of weeks for my hormones to settle down and when they did I finally felt love for this little creature I had created. It didn't take long before I was gazing at him lovingly and totally smitten with him.
If you don't feel better in a week or so, please see your MCHN or Dr. PND can happen to anyone, but you can be helped and things will get better if you talk to someone about it.
Big hugs! It WILL get better x
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