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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by #Mama View Post
    DH can be great with him, especially at night when he will get up and change him and bring him to me for a feed, but it's like he doesn't realise how much care he needs through the day when he's mostly awake and wanting to be on me, rather than sleeping. He doesn't understand that sometimes you just have to sit and hold him. This weekend he kept saying to me "I'll look after him, go lay down or have a shower" and when I gave him to him he put him down in the bouncer and would go play with his model planes, or do silly unnecessary jobs out in the garden and won't hear him when he grizzles or cries so I have to go to him before the crying escalates and I start to cry and the whole thing spirals
    Also - my DP is exactly the same!

    The fact that you're concerned when he cries, or anxious about dropping him, all that sort stuff, shows that you are being a great mum to him.

  2. #12
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    I remember with our first that the first 6 weeks were a blur. I didn't feel like things were under control until week 6 and that's when my sister and mum came to stay to help out (they live overseas so I kinda forgive them).

    So DON'T feel like you have to be going places with your parents or feel bad that you don't feel up to it. Hibernate for the first 6 weeks!

    Feeling paranoid... totally normal... I think it comes from being a first time mum. Every day I had a paranoid thought about our boy that I would drop him, fall on him, fall down the stairs with him... all sorts of accidental scenarios would pop into my head at least once a day. Haven't had time to think those thoughts now with bub#2.

    Instead of a pram try go for a walk with bub in a sling or wrap. It keeps bub close to you which is what he's been used to for the last 9 months.

    Also, your crying baby is meant to make you upset, it's meant to make you respond in some way. All normal and natural. I remember saying that in the first few weeks I cried more than the baby did.

    As for breast feeding issues, try baby led attachment or biological nurturing with lots of skin-to-skin where bub and you are both naked while breastfeeding. That can help.
    http://www.biologicalnurturing.com/
    http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/biologicalnurturing.asp

    Edited to add... with bub's crying, I found the Dunstan baby language video useful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgkZf6jVdVg
    Years ago my sister told me that her two had a specific cry for food/milk when they were babies. She called it "lah, lah" and Priscilla Dunstan calls it neh neh but they both kind of sound the same. It helps you to tell when your baby is hungry or just plain tired. Which could be why sometimes they don't want to feed even though they are crying? It's really helping now with our 4 week old bub #2.
    Last edited by debsch; 01-09-2014 at 21:36.

  3. #13
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    You're not alone - it took a while for me to "get to know" and fall in love with all of my babies. I remember looking at them like they were strangers when they were born, even for days afterwards.

    I don't enjoy the newborn stage at all and found that once they stop crying so much and start to smile, giggle (especially the cute baby chuckle) and interact more, I start to bond with them better.

    Do you have a carrier/sling? My babies were really needy and always wanted to be held/carried. It was only when I had my third that I found a good baby carrier that worked well and made life a bit easier.

    Also, I was the same as you about not going out much in the first few weeks, particularly when I had my first baby (and didn't need to do school runs etc). I was tired, my baby would always scream and it ended up being too stressful and exhausting for both of us.

    I did try to make sure I went for a walk everyday though, sometimes just around the block, just to get out and get some fresh air.

    The first few months are so tough, but it does get better. You sound like you're doing a great job.

  4. #14
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    Oh hun what you are feeling is so completely normal! I know this sounds harsh but these little people scream at us, cause us agony and at this age they just take take TAKE!!!! It's pretty hard to love a person like that right!?!?! BUT soon this little person will also start giving. You will get coos, squirms, smiles and cuddles that nobody else gets. They will be especially saved for you because this little baby loves you more then anything else in the world. This is when you will fall head over heals in love. I promise. X

  5. #15
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    So, so normal (but of course rarely talked about). The ladies have said my thoughts already xx

  6. #16
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    Also I had a lot of trouble establishing feeding with my son because he had a lip and posterior tongue tie. Some of what you describe sounds like what happened with us. Let me know if you want me to talk to you more about the symptoms ties cause and what you might need to do about it. Xxx

  7. #17
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    Oh yes, I remember feeling exactly the same. How you are feeling is very normal so please be kind to yourself xxx

  8. #18
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    Oh Hun, like everyone else here I just wanted to reply to say what you're going through is so normal! I can remember bringing DD home and I was a ball of anxiety. I felt so drained by her and having to hold her all day and not being able to stop her from crying, or have a shower or get out of my pjs; forget going out, I felt like I was chained to the couch for a couple of months! It is so so normal to go through all that and it doesn't mean you're a bad mum, the fact you're going through it all and you're still there and responding to your baby means you're doing a great job!

    I highly recommend getting a baby carrier, I used a hugabub and it changed my life! I could actually do things with my hands and still have DD close to me so she wouldn't cry.

    Just go easy on yourself, it's still early days, as soon as your bub starts responding to you with little smiles and gurgles it will all get so much easier and you'll feel like it's all been worth it. DD is 19 months old now and when she was just born I thought OMG what have I done, but now these past 19 months have just flown by and I'm so in love with her. It will come, just give it time and be patient. The best advice I got was take it day by day, don't plan for later in the week, just get through today and before you know it you'll have a little toddler on your hands and you'll be an expert on your child and everything will seem so much easier.

    *hugs*!! Oh and don't forget to post on here anytime you're feeling overwhelmed, I could not have gotten through those early days without the amazing mums on bubhub who offered so much advice and understanding.

  9. #19
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    @#Mama your totally not alone. I could have written your post in relation to the anxiety and not wanting to go places. I used to cry when I couldn't settle dd and it made me horribly anxious driving or making plans because inevitably she would just scream her lungs off and I could never figure out what it was she wanted. AND she is my second child.. Some would assume I would have it all figured out by #2. But I was just as clueless and on a steep leaning curve as any new parent. Each baby is so different and it takes time to figure out their little quirks and preferences.

    First of all. No one will judge you for having a crying newborn. Honestly - it's pretty normal. And whilst it might sound like the most frustrating noise in the world to you ATM. When your out and about a million ladies will loose their minds over that adorable little teeny cry that only newborns make. So don't be surprised when people gush over you baby even whilst he is screaming.

    I promise as Bubs gets older and stretches out between feeds it will get a little easier in regards to having a smidge more time to yourself just to have a hot shower in peace etc.

    I would recommend talking to your dp about your feeling especially in regards to him talking care of Bubs and then leaving him to do other things. You need him to understand the anxiety that you (and so many others) feel as he starts to get upset.
    I could never nap during the day or rest even when df was home. I couldn't switch off from listening out for her. So df suggested taking her out of the house to eliminate the worry. So when he got home from work he would take dd on a walk around the block so I could have some quiet time. Sometimes I would just lie down and take a few good deep breaths and enjoy the quiet. It really doesn't have to be anything major but you do need a little space to reset and find your balance sometimes.

    I found taking baby steps was the best way. At first I couldn't imagine being away from dd even for a second. It made me burst into tears. But I really did need a little down time to myself. So small breaks of 10min or so at first until I could be away just slightly longer. This took a long time. And I had nothing to worry about since she was in great hands wit her dad. It was more so just getting my head around the fact that it was ok for someone else to care for her too. And even though she was so dependant on me for food especially, I needed to make sure I was happy and healthy in mind and body also.

    Sorry this is a long reply..
    I would recommend investigating your local child health clinic. Ours in Brisbane ran a newborn class for 4wk babies and mums to join. It was amazing to hear from other mums on the same journey to know what was in the range of normal and how to best cope. We went for 4 weeks. One day a week and it totally saved my sanity. They also held 4mth and 6mth classes and so on. These same ladies I met there have now become some of my closest friends.

    You may have also heard of the baby blues post pregnancy. Keep in mind your body is going through a big change with all those amazing pregnancy hormones dropping off. So it's completely normal to be a bit whacky for a while. I think even up until dd was close to 3months I had these crazy emotional days and everything seemed complete hopeless. Then the next day I was back to 'ok I can do this'
    Sleep deprivation defiantly doesn't help to give you any clarity either.

    Give yourself time. Time to settle into this new life, to get to know yourself now as a mum and your baby. As well as what works for you and your family.
    Last edited by MadeWithLove; 01-09-2014 at 14:35.

  10. #20
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    Hi
    #Mama
    Sounds quite normal for a newborn and mum. Babies can be very demanding but so lovable and adorable. Be patient with yourself and keep going. A big hug for you at this time as you are struggling to cope. Take heart as the days go on your baby will settle down. You are very special to your baby and your husband Good that you write to a forum. Sometimes talking out makes you feel lighter within yourself.


 

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