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  1. #1
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    Default DH emotionally unsupportive

    Last week was a bad week. We took DD to the Dr and she was diagnosed with juvenile arthritis and tested for cancer and while waiting for the results my Dad rang me in tears because the dog they have had for 10 years died. The day my Dad rang I was inconsolable I was already stressed and then this fur baby who had been in the family and even lived with us part time for 10 years died. I sent DH heaps of texts because I was falling apart and all I got was "ok" in return. The next day my daughters results came back clear so I felt a huge weight lifted and DH thought everything was fine but everyday I speak to my Mum and she tells me how bad my Dad is taking the passing of his dog. My Dad had a triple bypass a long time ago and has had heart problems and has been getting chest pains and according to my Mum he cries all the time and my Dad never cries. I keep saying to DH I am worried and just have a bad feeling something will happen especially when they pick up the ashes and the only response I get is "Hhhmmm" I am a mess trying to deal with my daughters limitations and manage her pain and worrying about my parents and I have gotten no support. I am sorry I don't even know why I posted this just needed to vent I guess.

    Just to add I know someone taking the passing of a pet seems weird to some but my family are big animal lovers and to us they are like our children and this dog went everywhere with my Dad and shared a pillow with him and if he watched tv then she would always sitting on his lap.

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    Oh what a terrible few days you've had, I'm sorry to hear about the fur baby, your poor Dad's grief. I'm not much of a pet person myself but my in laws are and they have grieved terribly for pets who have passed away. Glad your DD's results came back clear but must have been traumatic nonetheless. Sorry to hear your DH seems to be not tuned in to your needs...maybe he's a bit overwhelmed and it's easier to zone out? Or maybe he's worried there's nothing he can do to help or he can't fix it, and he's worried about trying to help you and failing. I would ask him for a one to one catch up about how you've been feeling.

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    Oh just wanted to reply after reading, I feel your scream for a a big hug and supportive words telling you everything will be ok from your dh. Its sad that he hasn't communicated with you through such hard times. Is this out of character for him? On the bright side I'm so glad your Lil girl was cleared for cancer. Maybe just talk to your husband, maybe he's not sure how to tackle his own emotions through this. And your dad, I understand the pet thing. Sounds like they were best mates. Lots of hugs all round

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    Hugs. It all sounds very stressful. Is your DH usually good at saying the right thing to help you when you're feeling down or worried about things?

    "Insert witty signature here"

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    Oh you poor thing! What a crappy time you have had. So happy for you that your DD was given the all clear. Sending you lots of hugs. DH being dismissive and unsupportive must be rough and at the worst possible time. I hope things start to improve. Have you told him how he is making you feel?

    Sending hugs to your dad too, poor love, must be hard for him to say good bye to his friend...

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    Thank you everyone. DH has always been a bit emotionally stunted, he grew up in a family where it was every man for himself so never really learnt how to offer support and normally I accept that but to not even get a "are you ok?" From him has really p!ssed me off and upset me. I just had a argument with him that had me break down in tears because he argued that he looks after the kids if I am sick or injured so I had to explain to him that he is their Dad and that isn't the same as being there for me emotionally. I am going to see my parents this weekend but am worried about seeing my Dad I am fairly certain I might break down if I see him cry.

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    I really feel for you! Sorry your week was cr@ppy. That would really hurt me too if DH responded that way.

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    Sounds like an awful week... Huge hugs.
    I often feel unsupported in my real life so I just seek support elsewhere. Online or from friends. It's not ideal but it does the job and prevents me getting bitter and frustrated.
    Last edited by RipperRita; 01-09-2014 at 15:07.


 

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