+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 7 FirstFirst 1234 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 67
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    42
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked
    28
    Reviews
    0
    Congratulations I hope things go smoothly for you and your partner. He sounds like a lovely and mature man so fingers crossed he takes it well. However, situations like this are sometimes complex, and think of it from his side too.

    I was in a similar place to you once, and I can tell you that although we worked out fine it was initially a bumpy road for my partner because he didn't expect a child so early on. The first thing you need to do is decide that you truly want the child yourself, even if he is not in the picture and even if he could in no way contribute to it. If the answer is yes, at least then you are not just having his baby to try play happy families. Also, this lowers your expectation of him so he can make his own mind up about how involved he wants to be. In my opinion "forcing" him is worth nothing and will just cause stress & disappointment down the track. In my case although my partner took the news badly initially, he chose to be 100% involved and we married a year later and are still happily together with more children!

    When you address it with him, also take it from his perspective - he thought you were infertile and took your word for it, even though you had never tested out your fertility as your last partner had had a vasectomy. In addition, he is a good father who already has children who - no matter how old they are - may feel very displaced by your news and how short your relationship has been. This may affect his initial response.

    I hope he takes it very well and your pregnancy is a miricle which should not be diminished. But also be mindful that he took your word for your infertility and it could be an initial shock. Hope it turns out well!
    Last edited by Miniminka; 30-08-2014 at 19:35.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Miniminka For This Useful Post:

    Explora  (31-08-2014),firsttimemummatobe  (31-08-2014)

  3. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    241
    Thanks
    239
    Thanked
    123
    Reviews
    0
    Thank you Gingercat, that is a nice way to put it...let him be as involved as he wishes. I know he will support me, but saying it that way takes the pressure off

    Legwarmer THANKYOU for your perspective...a little voice inside my head has been saying that exact thing repeatedly, but it's nice to hear from someone else. It's strange, I have felt my biological clock ticking loudly in my ear for a while, and it's astounded me how abruptly it has ceased since the BFP, and how I have instantly gone into selfish teenager mode thinking only about how it's going to interrupt our lives. I will stop taking this for granted immediately and focus on the miracle.

    All the best with your IVF treatment and thanks again for redirecting my focus xx

  4. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    2,916
    Thanks
    637
    Thanked
    2,324
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I hope things work out for you, I really do, BUT any couple having sex and not trying to conceive SHOULD use contraception. If pregnancy ensues, then both parties are responsible for the life they have created.

    You did not lie about being on contraception, you said you had been "told" you were "possibly" infertile. If he was really concerned about pregnancy, he would have insisted on some sort of contraception. Which the withdrawal method is certainly not. You are both old enough to know this.

    So there is absolutely no basis for a "I was trapped" response from him. Pregnancy takes two.

    I hope you have a lovely pregnancy, and a healthy baby at the end of it. Whatever happens with this fellow, the pregnancy is now a fact. Good luck.

    Sent from my GT-N7000B using The Bub Hub mobile app

  5. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to J37 For This Useful Post:

    atomicmama  (30-08-2014),ertgirl  (31-08-2014),~ElectricPink~  (31-08-2014)

  6. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    241
    Thanks
    239
    Thanked
    123
    Reviews
    0
    Miniminka...yes indeed I will be very sensitive to his side of it. It is actually his side of the situation that is bothering me far more than my own. I feel like I have failed him, that he put trust in me and I let him down.
    I know logically this is not the case, as I have also been trusting in a diagnosis that has now left me in a predicament (even more so than him, let's be honest ladies). But it brings me to tears every time I think about how this has upset his plans.
    He has just finished raising his kids only to have to do it all over again before he has had enough "him time".

    I want to fast-forward to the fun part where we enjoy watching the miracle develop...this early part sucks.
    Thanks for your thoughts.
    Last edited by Explora; 31-08-2014 at 08:01.

  7. #15
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    2,916
    Thanks
    637
    Thanked
    2,324
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Ps. If you have hydrosalpinx of one tube, why was it assumed the other tube was not patent (open) and functional? That bit doesn't make sense. Was there any evidence of disease of the other tube which led your doctor to say you were likely infertile??
    Doesn't make sense from a medical perspective.

    Sent from my GT-N7000B using The Bub Hub mobile app

  8. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to J37 For This Useful Post:

    delirium  (30-08-2014),ertgirl  (31-08-2014),gumnut babies  (04-10-2015)

  9. #16
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    241
    Thanks
    239
    Thanked
    123
    Reviews
    0
    J37...yes you are correct, being consenting adults we are 50/50 responsible for this.
    It's a miracle, a life I never thought in my heart I would ever bear. At the end of the day it will be the only thing that matters

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to Explora For This Useful Post:

    J37  (30-08-2014)

  11. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    241
    Thanks
    239
    Thanked
    123
    Reviews
    0
    J37 - The other tube was open and patent (7 years ago), and I asked my doctor your very question. His response was that the blocked tube contains unhealthy, stagnant fluid which seeps into the uterus and causes a "bad environment" that a fertilized egg would not grow in.
    I'm not sure what's going on in there these days, but the egg must have implanted ok.

  12. #18
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    2,916
    Thanks
    637
    Thanked
    2,324
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Hmmm...as a doctor myself, I am very sceptical about his theory that the one affected tube would render you infertile. If there is one patent tube, there is always a chance of pregnancy. The hydrosalpinx would usually cause fibrosis (scar tissue), and fresh inflammatory fluid would certainly not be entering the uterine cavity 7 years later.
    Anyway, this is beside the point now, the pregnancy has happened.
    I wish you the very best.

    Sent from my GT-N7000B using The Bub Hub mobile app

  13. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to J37 For This Useful Post:

    Explora  (31-08-2014),KitiK  (30-08-2014),SageS  (09-10-2014)

  14. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    241
    Thanks
    239
    Thanked
    123
    Reviews
    0
    J37 - I just checked your profile and I see you are a doctor...have you heard of people with one hydrosalpinx conceiving naturally with the damaged tube still present in their body?

  15. #20
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    241
    Thanks
    239
    Thanked
    123
    Reviews
    0
    Just saw your response. Not as infertile as I was led to believe?!
    Thanks for your thoughts


 

Similar Threads

  1. Possibly pregnant?!
    By Smartie in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 26-01-2014, 22:56
  2. Possibly 3 weeks Pregnant?
    By DaynaPineapple in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-12-2013, 16:43
  3. Replies: 11
    Last Post: 05-09-2013, 06:56

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Ro&Co
Share magical moments this Christmas with this gorgeous gingerbread house. Exclusively available in Brisbane, with FREE delivery in Brisbane Metro areas. Each Christmas Centrepiece is unique and made to order, from $240.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
The Health Hub & Glowing Expectations
Glowing Expectations is conveniently located at The Health Hub in Darlinghurst. We offer pre & post natal personal training, small group pregnancy exercise classes, flexible mums & bubs sessions, massage, & naturopathy in our air-conditioned studio.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!