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  1. #1
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    Default New relationship, possibly pregnant after told infertile. Help!

    Hi everyone. I hope this isn't too longwinded (sorry) and I do appreciate all replies.

    I have been with my new partner for almost 4 months. He's a wonderful man and we have shared lots of great moments together this far. We are both pretty into each other and have found a fun-loving companion in the other. We have discussed children but it was always a very future plan (he's early 40s, I'm early 30s).

    Bit of history.
    His history: Had a couple of kids really young (teens and early 20s) and did it hard and has worked himself into the most amazing position financially and lifestyle-wise. I am so impressed and proud of him, he is a model for other teen parents to show that it is possible to make something big of yourself and not fall into a poverty trap.
    He told me his firstborn was tricked out of him (told she was on the Pill but wasn't). Their relationship didn't last, but he is close to his kids to this day and is a supportive and selfless father.

    My history: I was told 7 years ago that I would not fall pregnant naturally due to a hydrosalpinx. I was told I would either need to have the injured tube removed if I was to stand any chance of naturally conceiving with the other tube, and that it was a fair chance I'd still need IVF. Crushed me, but I wasn't ready for kids at that stage anyway, so I didn't act on this. No surgery, just left the issue as-is.
    My ex at the time had had a vasectomy when I met him, so I could never test out this theory about my infertility, I just accepted it.

    I meet my wonderful new guy and we use withdrawal method for a couple of months, all fine, no pregnancy. By the 2nd month told him my infertility story, as I wanted him to come in me as it made me feel closer to him. So we get a bit riskier, but still withdrawing sometimes. He was very skeptical and non-believing of me at first (this caused quite an argument), due to his previous experiences with being tricked into pregnancy years ago. I said I was not lying, not tricking, that I can only go by what I was told.

    So here I find myself 3-4 days overdue on my period and with no signs of period coming. I don't have the usual cramps, just a feeling of fullness. My skin is clear, no breakouts which just never happens. I always get a whopping zit somewhere just before my period.

    I bit the bullet and bought a Clearblue preg test…the result is here. I thought it was a BFN at first, but I can see a faint vertical line - what do people think? Preg?
    http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f117/Explora/Mobile Uploads/image_zpsf4cade6e.jpg

    Anyway, I feel the test is inconclusive, but I have been teary and upset nonetheless, in case it is true. If I am pregnant, I will feel extremely guilty for asking him to come in me after telling him I would never trick him into it.

    I don't want to consider termination as this is a MIRACLE that I never ever thought would happen. I'm trying to think of this aspect of it, but my mind is selfishly drawn back to indulging in how miserable I am at the poor timing of this.

    We both work a FIFO job, and will be meeting up at the airport in a few days. I'm not sure I'll be able to look at him without crying. I have one more HPT from the Clearblue box that I will use once we are together again to confirm it. I'm worried he is going to spit chips and that I am now a ball and chain.

    We haven't even met each other's parents or friends, we were going to travel, it's all a bit F*cked.

    My head is all over the place and I can't stop thinking about it. Any advice?

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  3. #2
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    I can't see the picture link doesn't work

  4. #3
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    I find clearblue aren't sensitive at all. I was getting the same result as that then getting super dark lines on FRER. That's def a positive.

    I'm not sure whether to say congrats or not but you are certainly very fertile if you have only stopped withdrawal in the last month or two.

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    Explora  (31-08-2014)

  6. #4
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    Thanks for your reply…I am thinking you are right.
    For anyone else, you will need to copy/paste the entire line…the link to the pic cut out half-way.

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    yeah that looks like a positive to me.
    i would probably get a print out of your medical history regarding the infertility to have on hand incase your DP cracks it. but congrats, it is a miracle, and you should enjoy it. don't feel guilty but i understand your predicament

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    As previously said I would get a letter from your dr, or some of your medical records stating your diagnosis and resulting infertility. Given your partner is already suspicious of being trapped by women from past experiences I would think this will be necessary as you are apparently very fertile especially as you are both FIFO. Good luck!

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  11. #7
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    Looks like a positive! Congratulations!

    I'm sorry but I don't buy your partners `trapped' story, if he was that worried about being trapped into a pregnancy then he would not be using the withdrawal method as contraception even before you told him you were infertile.

    It takes two to make a baby and he was happy to use no contraception so he is equally responsible, none of this `trapped' rubbish.

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  13. #8
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    Thanks to all who have replied. I guess it's unanimous and that the test is a BFP.
    Has anyone else gotten pregnant so soon in a new relationship? Did it survive?
    Ladies do your men want to chime in on the male perspective of this unusual unplanned pregnancy (infertile but not)?
    If anyone has any advice/experience approaching their partner about an unplanned pregnancy I would love to hear it!
    Thanks for your support and advice ladies...forums are awesome

  14. #9
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    I can't speak personally, but my bestie fell pregnant to a man she had been casually dating for less than 2 months. She is now 7 months pregnant and he has moved in with her and they seem very happy so far. She didn't put any pressure on him, just told him he could be as involved as he wished, but he was very eager to be involved and wanted the relationship to work. So at the moment everything is going along swimmingly. Hopefully your partner reacts positively!

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  16. #10
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    Hey there

    Well congratulations! Even though it may not feel like something to celebrate right now. Just wanted to say my little piece as I was told I couldn't have kids quite a few years ago, and after 2 egg donors and 4 rounds of IVF I am still not there. So it may well be something of a miracle that you are pregnant, you just never know.

    As others have said, I would show your partner your medical evidence that you truly thought you were infertile and explain to him that yes, this timing is not ideal... But that it has happened and that you would like to keep the baby, and you'd love it if he could come on board and accept this too. You say he is in his early 40s, so how 'trapped' can a man be at this age? He doesn't have to love the idea right now but hopefully he will come round to the idea and see it as exciting eventually?

    I don't know. All I'm saying is that you don't want to regret a decision further down the track when you do start trying for a child at the 'ideal' time only to find out it's incredibly difficult. Hopefully that wouldn't happen to you, but honestly, you just never know.

    Good luck!

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