Hi everyone. I hope this isn't too longwinded (sorry) and I do appreciate all replies.
I have been with my new partner for almost 4 months. He's a wonderful man and we have shared lots of great moments together this far. We are both pretty into each other and have found a fun-loving companion in the other. We have discussed children but it was always a very future plan (he's early 40s, I'm early 30s).
Bit of history.
His history: Had a couple of kids really young (teens and early 20s) and did it hard and has worked himself into the most amazing position financially and lifestyle-wise. I am so impressed and proud of him, he is a model for other teen parents to show that it is possible to make something big of yourself and not fall into a poverty trap.
He told me his firstborn was tricked out of him (told she was on the Pill but wasn't). Their relationship didn't last, but he is close to his kids to this day and is a supportive and selfless father.
My history: I was told 7 years ago that I would not fall pregnant naturally due to a hydrosalpinx. I was told I would either need to have the injured tube removed if I was to stand any chance of naturally conceiving with the other tube, and that it was a fair chance I'd still need IVF. Crushed me, but I wasn't ready for kids at that stage anyway, so I didn't act on this. No surgery, just left the issue as-is.
My ex at the time had had a vasectomy when I met him, so I could never test out this theory about my infertility, I just accepted it.
I meet my wonderful new guy and we use withdrawal method for a couple of months, all fine, no pregnancy. By the 2nd month told him my infertility story, as I wanted him to come in me as it made me feel closer to him. So we get a bit riskier, but still withdrawing sometimes. He was very skeptical and non-believing of me at first (this caused quite an argument), due to his previous experiences with being tricked into pregnancy years ago. I said I was not lying, not tricking, that I can only go by what I was told.
So here I find myself 3-4 days overdue on my period and with no signs of period coming. I don't have the usual cramps, just a feeling of fullness. My skin is clear, no breakouts which just never happens. I always get a whopping zit somewhere just before my period.
I bit the bullet and bought a Clearblue preg test…the result is here. I thought it was a BFN at first, but I can see a faint vertical line - what do people think? Preg?
Anyway, I feel the test is inconclusive, but I have been teary and upset nonetheless, in case it is true. If I am pregnant, I will feel extremely guilty for asking him to come in me after telling him I would never trick him into it.
I don't want to consider termination as this is a MIRACLE that I never ever thought would happen. I'm trying to think of this aspect of it, but my mind is selfishly drawn back to indulging in how miserable I am at the poor timing of this.
We both work a FIFO job, and will be meeting up at the airport in a few days. I'm not sure I'll be able to look at him without crying. I have one more HPT from the Clearblue box that I will use once we are together again to confirm it. I'm worried he is going to spit chips and that I am now a ball and chain.
We haven't even met each other's parents or friends, we were going to travel, it's all a bit F*cked.
My head is all over the place and I can't stop thinking about it. Any advice?