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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    If I were you I would stay out of it and let your hubby handle it. Dr Phil says it's each partners responsibility to deal with their own family.

    Speaking of Dr Phil perhaps you could invite mil over then have a dr Phil episode about conmen and women on in the background. Might open up a conversation without appearing to be too agressive.
    I think you have taken those words out of context. There's no animosity between the OP and her MIL, they're trying to help her.

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    It does sound very concerning but I would still tread carefully. As families we are naturally suspicious of anyone getting involved or hurting our loved ones.

    13 years ago my mother brought home a much younger man (16 years younger than her). He had nothing and she owned her own home etc... I was very suss on the whole relationship for many years but over time I have thankfully been proven wrong. 13 years down the track, they are still together... he makes her happy, gives her companionship and looks after her and that's enough for me.

    I'd keep an eye on things all the same but perhaps he does love her? I dunno, its a difficult situation to be in. In hindsight in my mothers case, I'm glad I didn't make too much of a fuss and deny her of the happiness he has brought her over the years but it took me a while to trust he was genuine. Maybe you need to spend more time together.

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    Thank you @RipperRita, this is reassuring.

    I think I would feel better if he was a little more open with us all.

    I would guess he is around 60 (give or take) I asked and he said "I fell about 100 most days" and MIL has no idea. That would make him 15+ years younger.

    We have told her we support her getting to know him and having a relationship but we don't support him moving in so soon.

  4. #34
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    Dear OP, I hope everything works out well, one thing you could perhaps look into is your MIL's financial situation, just in case something is amiss. A person can lose their financial security very quickly. eg: who has access to her bank accounts/ is there a way you can monitor any major financial decisions. You and your DH are doing a great job looking out for your MIL's best interests. All the best.

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    Now that you have met him a few times maybe take a happy snap of him and ask at your local police station if there is a unit who investigates such things. If you're feeling uncomfortable then it wouldn't hurt to check it out. I'd also be suss if he had facial hair, glasses etc because i'd think he was trying to change his appearance. I'd also be wanting to upload to facebook and see if anyone commented.

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    Sounds dodgy!!

    Some other suggestions - could you go to the police for advice? Do you know who she banks with? Could you contact them and advise the situation? Stress that you have no desire for access or to know details of her account but is there any way they could flag large or out-of-character transactions?

    ETA: Try and get a photo of him for future reference. You never know if you might need it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mummymaybe View Post

    We have told her we support her getting to know him and having a relationship but we don't support him moving in so soon.
    I think there needs to be a change in tact. You and your hubby are the child and your mil is the parent. She doesn't need to seek your permission and she doesn't need your support or approval.

    Don't make demands like your mil is a toddler. If my kids did this to me I would tell them to fire truck off. Then I would spend all my money travelling so they wouldn't have any inheritance to worry about.

    All you can do is educate your mil on general potential dating hazards, say what you would do in a situation (not what she should do) and keep an eye on the shady character. You don't want to alienate your mil then you won't be in a position to help if it all goes pear shaped.

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    HillDweller  (31-08-2014),ourbradybunch  (31-08-2014)

  9. #38
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    Ok. I was thinking dear god what if hes early 20s to 40s. 60ish sounds better.

    In all honesty its probably hard for us to understand as we arent their age. Maybe when your older you dont waste time seeing what happens?

    Youve definetly been given some great ideas so good luck. Hope all ends well xx

    Sent from my SM-G900I using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Quote Originally Posted by mummymaybe View Post

    I'm not sure why I should just leave it to DH, we are a very close family and do everything together. MIL trusts us both in everything and I'm a better judge of character than DH.
    Partly to protect yourself. You may think you get along fine but when things go really bad (and I can see this situation going down that path) .... People are much more forgiving of their children/blood relatives. Your mil is more likely to forgive her son but hold a grudge against you for god knows how long for the interference.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I think there needs to be a change in tact. You and your hubby are the child and your mil is the parent. She doesn't need to seek your permission and she doesn't need your support or approval.

    Don't make demands like your mil is a toddler. If my kids did this to me I would tell them to fire truck off. Then I would spend all my money travelling so they wouldn't have any inheritance to worry about.

    All you can do is educate your mil on general potential dating hazards, say what you would do in a situation (not what she should do) and keep an eye on the shady character. You don't want to alienate your mil then you won't be in a position to help if it all goes pear shaped.
    We are certainly not treating her like a toddler, as said we have a great relationship and MIL asked us bother our genuine opinion. We were honest with being pushy or condescending.


 

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