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  1. #1
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    Default Anxiety about going out by myself with ds

    Will my ds get enough stimulation if we stay at home all day every day during the week (we usually go out on weekends)? I hope so cause at the moment im too anxious to take him out anywhere by myself as its always really hard & stressful to even get out of the house.

    Im reliant on public transport or walking as I dont drive, which makes things harder as im really scared of taking ds & the pram on the bus/train (I cant use a carrier due to neck & upper back issues).

    Im also really anxious about feeding him in public - the few times I have done it its been a bit of a nightmare, struggling with the feeding cover getting tangled around ds/getting in ds's face etc, ending up with both of us covered in milk so then I have to find somewhere to get changed that I can take the pram (which is very difficult in some places that dont have parents rooms etc), not to mention having to haul around towels & terry flats or multiple changes of clothes. Its hard to time outings around feeds when ds feeds every 2 hours & the feed takes an hour - this would only leave me an hour to get there & back by public transport/walking which is difficult

    Also ds just will not settle for me unless I put him on my boob (see previous paragraph) so im really anxious about what I will do if ds starts cracking up when im out

    Ive already been sworn at in a shop for having a pram the first time dh & I took ds out, I dont know if I can cope with that every time I go anywhere by myself

    Its even hard for me to just take ds for a walk around the block at the moment

    Dh wants me to start going out but I just dont know if I can

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  2. #2
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    I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I've been through similar & even just a 10 min walk down the street (not so far you need to worry about a feed etc) is enough to make a difference to your day.
    I can understand why you don't want to venture too far & even at home - yes, your baby is getting enough stimulation.
    Make a little plan for yourself...even if it's every 2nd day to literally just get out of the house - day 1 - 10min walk, day 3 - 15min walk, day 5 - 10min walk, day 7 - 20min walk.
    As I said - I've been there myself & even found getting myself out for 10mins was hard but worth it.
    All the best x

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  4. #3
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    I've never been hassled like that for having a pram in a shop - very rude of them - bite back, don't let anyone get away with making you feel like that. If anything I attracted people wanting to check out baby! Hopefully it was a one off thing.

    How old is bub? They don't need anything other than you when they are little so I wouldn't worry if you want to stay at home.

    I went out heaps even though I hate driving but I have a lot of shops in walking distance. For baby #2 I am thinking about a carrier. I have ordered an ergo wrap. Maybe something like this would help for you? I know you have neck/back issues but apparently these distribute weight better. An hour sounds like a long time to feed, maybe some of it is just a comfort thing and bub would be more settled that way. And it would make getting on a bus easier. You could also use an umbrella stroller rather than a full on pram. I use public transport for work, ppl are always on there with prams (even big ones). The bus lowers so they just have to wheel it up a ramp and then they tell the driver where they plan to get off.

    What breastfeeding cover do you use? I have one from kiss kiss hug hug - has plastic in it so the top arches away from me and I can see bubs face and he doesn't get material on his face and it wasn't too fiddly. And if there is mess I just wiped it away with the excess material on the cover. It was a lifesaver.
    Last edited by Eilonwy; 26-08-2014 at 14:45.

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  6. #4
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    I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling

    For your own mental health I would strongly recommend taking bubs for a walk in the pram around the block. It doesn't have to be a long walk, but it's physically and mentally healthy for you to get some fresh air, sunshine and a bit of exercise. It took me a long while before i got confident feeding in public. I didn't bother with covers but at first I would seek out a quiet corner so no one could see me wince when DD latched. I also only work BF tops that opened from under the boob so I didn't have much flesh exposed. I had something like 10 of the KMart feeding singlets that I wore with various cardigans and bolero jackets. It was my uniform for 18 months!

    I know it's easier said that done but don't give a phu(k if other people are rude to you when you're struggling with your baby. They have obviously got no idea. I know how nerve wracking it can be. I remember taking DS to a baby exercise class when he was very little. I had to change his nappy during the class and it was the first time I had changed a nappy in public. I was convinced that the other mothers were going to tell me I was doing it all wrong.

    If you take bubs to the shops do they have feeding rooms? If you can get there I would suggest going there, going straight to the feeding rooms with a nice big smoothie for yourself and giving bubs a feed. That way you will then have a longer block of time to do shopping. Feed bubs again before you go home and hopefully things will go smoothly.

    Where in Brissy are you? I'm in the south west.

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    It is so daunting in the beginning, it's hard to imagine ever being able to leave the house, but I promise you it does get easier.

    I would honestly just start small - a walk around the block is fantastic for you and bub, a bit of sunshine, fresh air and a change of scenery.

    The shops and other outings can wait until you're ready.

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    heartstringz  (26-08-2014)

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    I cant use a carrier unfortunately - ive tried some but they all put too much pressure on my shoulders which exacerbates my preexisting neck & upper back issues

    Ive seen people with prams on the bus too, it just makes me anxious still - anxious that an old bus with steps will turn up so ill have to wait for the next one (some routes its an hour between buses), anxious that ds will crack up on the bus & I can never settle him etc

    Ive got a feeding cover with wire at the top, but I still find the bottom of it gets in his face when im trying to get him under it & into position. The mess is cause of the nipple shields so I need more than just wiping up a little with the feeding cover - its all over my clothes & ds's clothes

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    After having 2 children I never managed to master the stairs with a pram. The thought of taking a baby in a pram on a bus would be enough to give me heart palpitations!!

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    I felt the same way in the beginning. I didn't drive, was so scared to breastfeed in public, and got so anxious that DD would scream and cry while we were out. What helped me was having a support person - DH, mum, friend etc. Is there someone that can go with you? Even just for short outings, just to get you a bit more comfortable? Also take things slow, maybe try and walk to a park this week - 30 mins max. Make sure bub is fed first and than go. Then you can start doing bigger trips. It does get better, but I know how overwhelming it can seem at the beginning xox

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  15. #9
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    That sounds hard. I'll just give some ideas based on my limited experience.

    Have you tried getting out every day, even for a short walk up the road or around the block? Maybe you just need to build up some confidence slowly and build up to the more complicated trips to the shops etc. I found getting out in some fresh air and the exercise each day with a walk really helped my mood and helped bub to settle and sleep better.

    Are you generally anxious? I'm not experienced with that, but maybe a GP could help with putting you in contact with services that can help you work towards addressing the background anxiety so that taking trips out seems less scary.

    How old is your baby? I found breastfeeding whilst out and about got easier as we both got better (and faster) at feeding. As they get older, you don't have to muck around with getting latch right multiple times etc. Do you have some good feeding tops? I didn't bother with a cover once I worked out the best combo of tops that meant I got to stay covered and bub was much happier, not pulling off because he was annoyed by the cover. Some of the special tops were better than others. Some of mine were good and the others useless. A feeding singlet pulled down under a stretchy top that I could pull up seemed to work best for us in the end. I still used the parent rooms where I could for a while, or a quiet booth at a cafe. It gets easier with time, but the right tops helped heaps. I found feeding covers are hard to coordinate and they seem to upset some babies, although I've seen some people using them making it look easy.

    What carriers have you tried? If you have only tried bjorns and slings, I'd say definitely keep looking. I've got an ergo which is great for us. It puts most of the weight onto the waist/hips and puts very little pressure on my back, neck and shoulders even now at 9.5kg. But not all carriers suit all people. There are so many different types, sizes, styles, fits. Indeed, it took me a while to get the adjustment on my ergo right so we were both comfy. It would have been easier faster if I had have found someone experienced who could have helped me with the adjustments. You could try looking up your local baby wearing group on Facebook. They might have local meets or a carrier/wrap loan library where you can go to get advice on what styles might suit your needs, then try a few different styles/brands before you commit to buy. The groups I follow all seem very friendly and supportive so it might be an opportunity to make some supportive friends. I often see posts on the Facebook groups from people with back/shoulder/neck issues asking for help and they get inundated with suggestions, offers to loan different types, tips for adjusting etc. Lots of babies settle better in a wrap/carrier than a pram, and with practice you can discretely breast feed in some of them. I'd say it's worth investigating further as I really found that having a good carrier that suits you and bub makes shopping etc and public transport much easier when you are "hands free".

    Hope that helps. Feel free to ignore any of my suggestions because my experience is pretty limited!
    Last edited by clbj; 26-08-2014 at 16:23.

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    I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I found it SO hard when DD was young as well. I don't know how I would have gotten out & about with her if we didn't have a car.

    Do what works for you, and the rest will come. Hopefully the feeding issues will settle down. Even if they don't, he'll space out and drop feeds eventually. Do whatever you need to do to get you through the day.

    Honestly, babies are so adaptable. Not necessarily HAPPY, I know, but adaptable.
    There's so much pressure to do sepcific things to maximise development, but really... most babies thrive with remarkably little. Whilst I'd urge you to consider getting out if YOU want to, your son isn't going to be deprived by staying home where you feel more comfortable.
    Last edited by Renn; 26-08-2014 at 15:07.

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