Yep, I would say don't overthink it. I think in the first instance, you did the right thing. However, everyone has their own way they like things. If she has any form of anxiety, then I'd just go with what she tells/asks you, and try not to take it personally.
You've already discussed it, so in future I'd just leave it to her (or ask if she'd like you to clean up, and leave it if she says no).
I help my kids clean up at friend's houses but I always tell people not to worry when they're here because I don't want them to feel obliged to do it.
In your case I would just move on. Go to the party on the weekend and maybe next time have a playdate out at a playcentre or at your house.
"Insert witty signature here"
I think you did the right thing too, I ensure my children clean up before we leave someones house but if they ask us not to I usually ask, are you sure? Personally I detest people packing away at my house as I am particular about where things go, my close friends know this and we all work together to teach the kids where things go.
I would definitely expect DS to clean up after himself once he's old enough. I obviously don't expect a full clean up, but if I'm at a friends house I will rinse my coffee cup and put it in the dishwasher etc because that's just good manners iMO and I want to teach my kids to have good manners.
If they said don't worry about it I wouldn't but most of my friends are the same as me in that regard.
I dont think you did the wrong thing but she sounds like she is stressed to the max, anxiety and OCD (I say this because it sounds like me at times)
I say just go tp the party and act like nothing is wrong. understand that she might be stressed and perhaps a little lonely and seeking company, and give her a pass.
I have some quirks that people find annoying and my best friends know that when they come to my house, I cant really control them, like supervising cleanup and making sure toys are packed away in their right boxes etc...if it isnt, the anxiety and stress it causes me is unbearable. I dont think ive ever snapped at anyone over it before but I also havent had people who dont already know me really well over since my anxiety and OCD have gotten worse.
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I wouldn't give it much more thought. Next time you're there, offer to pack up but she will most certainly (genuinely) tell you not to worry about it. There will be plenty of other opportunities to teach your DS to tidy up when out.
I'm not OCD about keeping things tidy but I am a little about things going back in the right place. It really unsettles me when I find someone has helped pack up my kids toys and there are Duplo in the Mega Blocks. Or if they unload the dishwasher and they're stowed the butter knives in with the serrated knives in the drawer.
The thing is, this is MY problem, not theirs. I know they only want to help. So I tend to refuse the help and do it myself.
The fact that her house is spotless with two little ones suggests she's like me but x1000. So don't push it with her. I'd guess she paid very little attention to the reason you were giving as her attention was 99% on the soft toy sticking out of the train set box.
I also don't like people cleaning things up in my place. When visiting I usually ask if they want help to clean up.... And help when the host agrees.
Go to the party and have fun. It's her issue not yours.
wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.
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