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  1. #11
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    She probably just didn't want you to feel obliged to clean up.

    I don't like people to feel they have to if they visit us.

    I wouldn't stress about it.

  2. #12
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    Yes I do the same as you but I also feel uncomfortable when its done at my place and always insist on doing it myself so I guess I understand where she's coming from. Im not sure why Im like that....

    I wouldn't make a big deal. Id just offer next time rather then do it and see what she responds and take your cue from there....

  3. #13
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    You did the right thing I also make my children pack up their mess both at home and when out. Perhaps she likes her toys put away a certain way, I know I do. Each toy belongs somewhere and I don't like them all mixed up. She sounds a little OCD with cleaning so perhaps that was it.

  4. #14
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    Sounds like she has some issues to react like that, but perhaps she also took offence at the "I prefer to teach my son respect" comment. But you've already chatted about it now, so I would leave it.

    I don't expect kids to pack up at my house, I just think that's part of the deal when you have a playdate.
    At others houses, I suggest to my kids to pack up, but 99.9% of the time the parent tells me to leave it, usually they say it's because their child is only going to pull it all out again, or sometimes they say it's because they want things in particular places.

  5. #15
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    Just as an aside OP, I always get my kids to pack up the toys/mess they have made at other people's homes, but whenever someone else does the same at my house with their kids, I always tell them it's fine and no need (I don't want them to feel obligated to do so) etc, that said though, I am never annoyed or irritated by it, quite the contrary.

  6. #16
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    My SIL is like that - she likes things put back in certain spots so hates it when other people clean up so whenever we go over there I just tell DS to make sure he puts back what he pulls out, I do the obligatory "do you want me to help you clean up " and she always says no ill do it later , DS is figuring out that different houses have different rules and it's funny when I picked him up from there the other day he was eating popcorn in one of the kids rooms ( with all the kids) and when he saw me he said " I'm allowed to eat in bedrooms at Auntys house" as if to say I can't get in trouble cause it's not in our house!

  7. #17
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    I always do the same as you did with my DD - I think it would be rude not to! My friends all do the same when at our place and I know it's less about cleaning the toys (which doesn't take long) but more about setting an example to their children about being respectful with other peoples belongings and tidying up after yourselves. You've done nothing wrong (and a lot right) and frankly you're friends response is a bit odd.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    Sounds like she has some issues to react like that, but perhaps she also took offence at the "I prefer to teach my son respect" comment. But you've already chatted about it now, so I would leave it.
    Yeah ... im thinking i must have picked the wrong words, when all i was doing was just letting her know that i wasn't put out that there was reason to me doing it other than feeling obliged, ya know? I just though as a mother she'd be happy to see another mum trying to teach her kid the right thing... but then i was sadly mistaken as it only seemed to irritate her more.

    Mind you she said far worse things before that happened, like the fact we are not Catholic and DS wasn't baptized will mean he will be held back in life and wont get a decent education because he wont qualify for any decent schools. I am now starting to think she might be struggling, and taking it out on people... possibly.

  9. #19
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    You did nothing wrong.

    Don't over think it. Even if she is peeved well then thats on her, we can't get inside peoples heads to wonder the "what ifs" of all our interactions with others.

    Your actions were considerate, leave it at that.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by scratchycat View Post
    You've done nothing wrong (and a lot right) and frankly you're friends response is a bit odd.
    Yeah I am starting to realise now it was odd. She was asking us to come over for weeks, but i had a lot going on and she seemed to excited to have us finally come, but when we arrived she was super anxious and wouldn't sit and chill. As soon as the boys started playing she was actually following them around cleaning up after them then getting frustrated as they kept making mess... which made me start to clean too, then she gave up so we got to have a nice catch up, but then when it was time to go i decided to have a little clean up bee and that kicked up her anxiety and made her very....angry. Strangely. I personally don't have OCD, so i guess i don't know how it feels.


 

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