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  1. #1
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    Default Do you make your child tidy up after themselves when visiting?

    DS and i went to a friends house yesterday for a catch up and play date. My friend has a 3yo and a 4mo. She's a sahm who is very house proud.

    Whenever i take DS out, if he plays with their toys and leaves them laying around (as toddlers do) before we leave i make him clean it all up ... and i do it with him of course.

    I feel like I am doing the right thing by DS and the people we are visiting... I am teaching him manners and respect of other peoples belongings, as well as showing people that we wont just come and trash the place then leave.

    My friend seemed to become very irritated while we were having a little tidy up bee... i involved her son too but he was not interested and kept playing and making mess (he's only 3)

    Instead of encouraging him to help clean she screamed at him to stop making mess, and then snapped at me to stop. I realised then she was anxious.

    I thought i was doing the right thing... i don't want my child to think he can mess peoples houses .... but i was told to stop my parenting more or less and told i was wrong.

    Then i received a facebook message from her this morning telling me she loved having us over, but she has been feeling awful all night about the fact I felt i had to tidy up after the kids and that she doesn't make her son do that and feels with me being pregnant i need to rest more. And next time she wont allow it.

    I responded, as i do without realising the issue at first, and just said "Oh no love it wasn't a bother at all, i am teaching DS to clean up after himself so he knows to be respectful at peoples houses." i also complimented her (again) at how spotless her house is and she does a wonderful job keeping it that way with 2 young kids.

    Anyways now I have had no response from her. And now i am left feeling like I have really peeved her off by doing it... her getting angry about it yesterday surely is a sure sign she didn't like it, i know. and then we were sort of rushed out of the door... I think she feels i am trying to show her son up which I am not at all I have no idea what her son is like at other peoples houses. And i know my DS surely plays up more at home than other peoples houses so the fact her son played up so much is not for me to judge at all.

    Thoughts? Do you think it would have looked like i was trying to show her and her son up or something? Would anyone here be offended by what I did? I just thought its important to teach them from a young age ... I would never tell a friend off for doing this, myself.

  2. #2
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    I think you did the right thing. I do the same when I go visiting with the kids.

    I kind of get a little annoyed if kids are at my house and they leave and don't help clean up things they've pulled out.




    Me 👩 36; DF 👨 34
    DS 🐢 07/02/97
    DD 🐝 27/09/99
    DS 🐳 26/04/02
    DD 🐞 06/09/06
    DD 🐣 Due 03/12/14

  3. #3
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    If we have a play at someone's house and an obvious mess has been made then yes, I say, let's get in and pack up. If the other parents says no leave it, then we leave it.

    I find the pack up is not always reciprocated, we had people over on Sunday and it took me ages to pack up all the mess, both the kids rooms and the toy area were trashed.

    Sounds like this lady has her own stuff going on.

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    You did the right thing on many levels.

    - kids learn through play, mess is apart of that. It sad that it appears she doesn't let her children do this

    - kids need to learn to clean up for themselves, she appears to not let her kids do this. Setting herself up for heartache later and her kids to not know how to clean as mummy has always done it

    - kids need to learn respect and that they need to treat others homes that way

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    When we are at friends houses I try and get DD 2.5 to clean up the toys they have played with (I do it and involve her) unless the parent specifically tells me to leave it, then I leave it after asking if they are sure.

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    Do you think I should apologise to her? She invited us to her son's birthday this coming weekend... that was before things went a bit strange. Id still like to go and take DS.... but i don't want her to be awkward with me now....

    I feel like i disrespected her or something.

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    Hmmm, I'm not really sure why she reacted that way.

    Please don't think you did anything wrong. I'm sure most people would appreciate your efforts! I think it's great you're teaching your DS to be respectful of other people's homes.

    Maybe she's a bit OCD about the way things are done in her house. That's her issue though, not yours.

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    I would leave it, you said your piece, just move on.

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    You did the thing with out doubt.


    Maybe next time you could say something to him like that at xyz's house we respect her rules and let his/her mum do it. She a special way she likes to be done.

    I don't know it a hard one. If she is that sensitive. I am sure there is a reason she feels that way but it has nothing to do with you. IYKIM.

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    Oh hon, as others have said you didn't do anything wrong and you were not to know that your friend doesn't have her own child not clean up after himself, which is a little odd given that she is house proud.

    I think she feels awful for snapping at you, so I wouldn't say anything more about it, I would let it be and go to the party as you planned.

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