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  1. #151
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    @harvs this has actually occurred to me. As mum said they dont need to know details, just that he is having keyhole surgery and needs to take it easy for a bit.... my mums excellent at this sort of thing lol. He would absolutely hit the roof and probably wouldn't tell me anything again. Yes he can be like that.

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
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  2. #152
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    Quote Originally Posted by lil miss View Post
    @harvs this has actually occurred to me. As mum said they dont need to know details, just that he is having keyhole surgery and needs to take it easy for a bit.... my mums excellent at this sort of thing lol. He would absolutely hit the roof and probably wouldn't tell me anything again. Yes he can be like that.

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
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    It's hard. The best thing to do would be to try and at least get to his doctors appt. At least then you can ask all these questions in front of him. Maybe tell him that you want to go to the drs appt with him so you can better understand the process. If he's still standoffish with you you can tell him that if he doesn't want you around for the surgery then you'll respect his wishes and stay away, but that you would feel more informed/comfortable with the situation if you know what's happening. It is really unfair of him to keep you in the dark, and if you get the opportunity I would mention this to his doctors. They can then monitor for signs of depression (not uncommon in cancer patients) and refer him to a psychologist if needed. I don't know what else to say other than tell him to snap out of it and let you in. x

  3. #153
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    Quote Originally Posted by theoneandonlyem View Post
    It's hard. The best thing to do would be to try and at least get to his doctors appt. At least then you can ask all these questions in front of him. Maybe tell him that you want to go to the drs appt with him so you can better understand the process. If he's still standoffish with you you can tell him that if he doesn't want you around for the surgery then you'll respect his wishes and stay away, but that you would feel more informed/comfortable with the situation if you know what's happening. It is really unfair of him to keep you in the dark, and if you get the opportunity I would mention this to his doctors. They can then monitor for signs of depression (not uncommon in cancer patients) and refer him to a psychologist if needed. I don't know what else to say other than tell him to snap out of it and let you in. x
    Ive told him all that, more than once. What makes it really hard is its all happening in another state.

    I tried talking to him again last night and it ended in a massive fight

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
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  4. #154
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    I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to drive after keyhole surgery. He really needs to tell his work.

    Hugs OP. Sorry you're having such a tough time.

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    First huge hugs.


    My hubby won't take time of work unless he is dying. The only way I can get through to him is talking about the problem through his bosses eyes.



    He needs to tell work. To cover works but.
    There are some things like driving that you aren't allowed to do because insurance companies won't cover you. He could get his boss in trouble.

  6. #156
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    Quote Originally Posted by anewme View Post
    First huge hugs.


    My hubby won't take time of work unless he is dying. The only way I can get through to him is talking about the problem through his bosses eyes.



    He needs to tell work. To cover works but.
    There are some things like driving that you aren't allowed to do because insurance companies won't cover you. He could get his boss in trouble.
    Yep I told him all that, he just shrugged and said we will see (which is his nice way of telling me to shut up). He told me to stop being doom and gloom, I told him im not, im just looking at it realistically and asked why he even told me if he is so set on doing it alone, he snapped and said he regrets telling me.

    Eta- he just agreed to have the dr call me after the surgery to let me know how it went. Hopefully they will.
    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
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    Last edited by SheWarrior; 08-09-2014 at 08:57.

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  8. #157
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    Hi lil miss,

    I too agree that he needs to tell about the keyhole surgery to his work place. Yes some men do not like the fuss (according to men mind). So I will continue to pray that you get the courage to cope with this. You are getting great articles as support from the forum. Its a great forum.

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    How frustrating for you! Will he hospital even discharge him without someone there? I guess all you can do is be there

  11. #160
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patience Belmont View Post
    How frustrating for you! Will he hospital even discharge him without someone there? I guess all you can do is be there
    I guess if he has someone to drive him home (probably his boss), they can't really do much? As mum said they would have had to discuss recovery time and limitations with him when they explained the surgery... the company is really good in regards to health issues, one of the previous head bosses was going through treatment for breast cancer a couple of years ago and the company was very supportive in regards to time off etc, its just dh won't accept it. He talks to my mum a lot and having been through cancer herself she tells him from experience and he listens (most of the time) to her even if she says exactly the same thing as me. Its good having her as a middle person because she can see both sides and can help us understand where each other is coming from.

    My biggest concern is that he is going to push himself too hard too soon and stuff himself in the long run. And mum agrees. If he wants to work, fine, its like an escape for him but I worry about the physical side of his job. He said he will take it easy (no heavy lifting etc) for a bit. He has a massive NATA audit coming up which means he has to fly out to woop woop to the annex lab for a week 2 weeks post surgery. He is stressing because if the audit doesnt go well he could be out of a job.

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
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