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  1. #141
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    Thinking of you all lilmiss. Sounds like you are all having a beautiful weekend with Dh and making the most of every second. I hope the talk went OK xoxo

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    Thinking of you.
    I hope you had a chance to talk last night.

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    Hi lil miss,
    All the very best for you and your family. Will be praying for you

  4. #144
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    Well results confirmed what he was told after the biopsy. Its cancer, hasnt spread to other parts. He said there was 2 types of surgery he could have- wedge something where they take a big chunk out or keyhole which is what he will be having. Surgery is booked for next monday. He doesnt want me there, said its no big deal and he will be in and out within 24 hours tops (he reckons same day, I beg to differ). As far as I know he isn't planning on taking time off work- he said its just keyhole and he pretty much has the thinking its no big deal. He said he has to go for follow up appointment a couple of weeks later and seems to think (or is telling himself) that will he the end of it.

    I understand a lot of it is his was of coping but the way he is being so blasé about it is really frustrating. As my mum said, if he doesn't look after himself noe especially post surgery, he is going to do more damage to himself. He refuses to tell his work anything, as far as he is concerned its nothing they need to know. Yes, its keyhole surgery and its fantastic that is all he needs but its not like he is just having his tonsils out or something. He said he wishes he never told me to start with. Yep that one hurt.

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  5. #145
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    Oh hon, how scary for you both. I can imagine how hurtful it would have been to hear that, but, if he's anything like my ex, this is what I imagine he meant: 'I'm scared and putting all my energy into denying that there's anything wrong. I can't pretend like that when you know about it, and I want to shield you from this but all my energy has to go into just carrying on.'

    I really hope everything goes as smoothly as it can. Sounds like you had an amazing day together yesterday - maybe this has made your hubby realise what matters most in his life?

  6. #146
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    @harvs thats exactly what he is like. It just worries me that he is so set in living like nothing is going on that he is going to push himself too hard and possibly end up worse off physically/emotionally. Especially with work. This is something I believe they need to know about, especially given the fact he does a lot of on site work and that means a lot of long distance driving to often fairly isolated areas, and a lot of manual work, heavy lifting etc. In a way I wish he didn't tell me- sort of feel like whats the point when he wont let me support him and be there for him (not just physically there but emotionally as well).

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  7. #147
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    it is hard

    that is definitely just his coping mechanism (and the 'I wish I had never told you' part is purely a knee jerk reaction to get you to stop asking him questions. Dont take it to heart

    You are right though - he really needs to tell his work. While it might only be keyhole surgery, it will still take some recovery time, and he may need Radiation or Chemo afterwards to make sure that they got everything.

    If he wants to pass it off as a 'nothing to see here, all is going to be fine' ... thats ok. You can do that too if that suits him. But he needs to tell his work (even if its to tell them the surgery if for something else, he needs to tell them he is having surgery and may need some recovery time.)


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    Oh @lil miss. What great news that they can do the surgery via keyhole. He will need to realise though that any surgery will need recovery time. I'm sure it's all part of his coping mechanism, but he does need to snap out of it. If he goes back to work and has an accident because of something that relates to the surgery and hasn't told them, work cover won't cover it. He will need recovery time, even if it's only a few days. He NEEDS to talk to his doctor about expectations regarding time off work, duties at work etc. I feel for you. Men are terrible at showing emotion. He's probably trying to save you from any of the drama, but what he doesn't realise is that he needs to let you in. I can only hope he realises this by next Monday. I would just let him know how you feel. Let him know how his attitude towards the whole situation affects you and the girls and then tell him it's up to him. You'll be there to support him, but you'd rather go through this together as a couple and a family rather than you both going through it separately. He's probably sh!t scared. A cancer diagnosis, especially in one so young can be petrifying. It makes you face your own mortality, and his behaviour over the weekend makes me think that's exactly what's going through his head at the moment. Bloody men!

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  10. #149
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    Quote Originally Posted by theoneandonlyem View Post
    Oh @lil miss. What great news that they can do the surgery via keyhole. He will need to realise though that any surgery will need recovery time. I'm sure it's all part of his coping mechanism, but he does need to snap out of it. If he goes back to work and has an accident because of something that relates to the surgery and hasn't told them, work cover won't cover it. He will need recovery time, even if it's only a few days. He NEEDS to talk to his doctor about expectations regarding time off work, duties at work etc. I feel for you. Men are terrible at showing emotion. He's probably trying to save you from any of the drama, but what he doesn't realise is that he needs to let you in. I can only hope he realises this by next Monday. I would just let him know how you feel. Let him know how his attitude towards the whole situation affects you and the girls and then tell him it's up to him. You'll be there to support him, but you'd rather go through this together as a couple and a family rather than you both going through it separately. He's probably sh!t scared. A cancer diagnosis, especially in one so young can be petrifying. It makes you face your own mortality, and his behaviour over the weekend makes me think that's exactly what's going through his head at the moment. Bloody men!
    I have spoken to him many times about it, but he just won't budge. As for time off work.... ugh. I really dont know what to do. He was the same when his mum died, completely shut me out. My mum is going to try to talk to him- not necessarily convince him to let me up there (although that would be excellent), but just to get him to see the reality of the situation regarding work. This isnt just something that the keyhole surgery will fix and thats the end of it (which is what he told me is his way of thinking)... I feel for him I really do, cant begin to imagine the emotions he has been/is going through. But burying his head in the sand so to speak is going to bite him in the *** eventually.

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  11. #150
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    Probably a red rag to a bull, but what he do if you told his work he was having an operation? I think the Workcover aspect is worth thinking about and being wary of, and may be worth enduring an argument over...


 

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