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  1. #111
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    that rollercoaster is incredibly normal

    I am like you - I need to talk about it. But its hard too ... talking about it just made me cry so it is a big circle

    I found it much easier to get someone else to tell people - the shock and initial reaction was something I found really hard to deal with, so in my experience its much better for you (or your Mum) to tell people rather than waiting for your DH to be able to do it.


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    What's the treatment plan? Cancer is still cancer but at least they have caught it in time to treat. The roller coaster is pretty normal (doesn't make it easier) but you have a pretty great support network

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    Quote Originally Posted by BH-KatiesMum View Post
    that rollercoaster is incredibly normal

    I am like you - I need to talk about it. But its hard too ... talking about it just made me cry so it is a big circle

    I found it much easier to get someone else to tell people - the shock and initial reaction was something I found really hard to deal with, so in my experience its much better for you (or your Mum) to tell people rather than waiting for your DH to be able to do it.

    Mum said she will help tell people if need be, but there are some people she wont be able to for certain reasons (ie my dads parents). Im ok to do it, but I dont want to go behind dh's back if he doesn't want anyone to know. Also just have no idea how to even bring it up... not exactly something you can just casually slip into a conversation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Patience Belmont View Post
    What's the treatment plan? Cancer is still cancer but at least they have caught it in time to treat. The roller coaster is pretty normal (doesn't make it easier) but you have a pretty great support network
    At this stage surgery is what they are thinking, they are hopeful he won't need chemo or radiation or anything but won't know for certain til we get these results.

    The hardest person to tell will be sil. She knows something is going on but doesn't know what. She has her QCS exams today and tomorrow and a major assignment due friday so waiting til all thats done before we tell her. Also waiting for dh to be home (he should be home friday if not before). The poor kid has been through so much, she has just started getting back on track with things since their mum passed away suddenly in october last year.... this is going to break her dh is her absolute world and always has been.

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
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    Hello lil miss,

    I want to give you a hug. Cannot do in a forum. So the next best thing.
    Since I am a christian I am going to pray for you and your family.
    Sometimes miracles happen. Please take one day at a time as this is a difficult time for you and your husband. Don't let emotion take over so that you panic. This is just one more disease; most of the time it is vastly treatable. Then approach his treatment one step at a time, listening to his doctors. Follow their advice, but ask every question you can think of. When cancer is treatable, as it usually is, it's a disease that's much better to have than diabetes, MS, Lou Gehrig's disease or Alzheimer's. And if, unfortunately, it's not treatable, remaining rational and continuing to live as normally as possible .
    Last edited by Rammie; 02-09-2014 at 12:05.

  5. #115
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    talk to your DH ... you are right, you dont want to 'go behind his back' - but ask him if he would like for you to tell them rather than having him face it.

    As far as how to tell people - it is really hard. I found sitting down and having a "I have something really important to discuss' kind of conversation much better and easier than trying to be too casual. People react badly ... so give them a chance to react and adjust and deal with it.


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    I just want to say a massive thank you to all you beautiful ladies for all your kind words, support and best wishes. You really have no idea how grateful I am.

    Mum told my grandad yesterday. She said he took it fairly well considering but obviously was still upset. He rang me today and he burst into tears as soon as I answered. He apologised of course, and we had a good chat about it. I explained how terrible I felt lying to him, but he understood why. Its comforting knowing he and mum know.

    Dh is still waiting to get the official results. It was supposed to be by today but I guess like with everything there may be a delay for whatever reason. In a way im hoping he doesn't get them til he is home (should be friday) so we arw together, but at the same time I hope he gets them asap.

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
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    Hi Lil Miss. I've only just seen this thread and am so sorry your family is going through this. Wishing your DH a speedy recovery and you all the strength you need x

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    I too have only just seen this @lil miss. Huge hugs for you and your girls. I was a haematology/oncology nurse for 3 years. While personally I have no experience (well my grandfather had lung ca but had no quality of life as it was so declined treatment), professionally I have some idea about what the future may bring for you. Take every day as it comes. Stay positive - it makes a difference. It is stressful but it's a great sign that they think surgery is all he'll need. Sending positive vibes and thoughts your way. Hopefully when you and your DH tell your SIL you can give her the best case scenario. You say your MIL died recently too? She may need some time to process what you're telling her. Let her scream, let her cry but most importantly let her know that you are both there for her. It may be worth seeing if there is a counsellor/teacher she trusts at school so she has someone to talk to that's not you guys. She may have fears about her brother dying and wondering what will happen to her that she doesn't want to talk about with you. Big hugs xxxx

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    Quote Originally Posted by theoneandonlyem View Post
    I too have only just seen this @lil miss. Huge hugs for you and your girls. I was a haematology/oncology nurse for 3 years. While personally I have no experience (well my grandfather had lung ca but had no quality of life as it was so declined treatment), professionally I have some idea about what the future may bring for you. Take every day as it comes. Stay positive - it makes a difference. It is stressful but it's a great sign that they think surgery is all he'll need. Sending positive vibes and thoughts your way. Hopefully when you and your DH tell your SIL you can give her the best case scenario. You say your MIL died recently too? She may need some time to process what you're telling her. Let her scream, let her cry but most importantly let her know that you are both there for her. It may be worth seeing if there is a counsellor/teacher she trusts at school so she has someone to talk to that's not you guys. She may have fears about her brother dying and wondering what will happen to her that she doesn't want to talk about with you. Big hugs xxxx
    Thank you. The support from you ladies is truely amazing, I can't thank you all enough. @theoneandonlyem, im a person who needs facts, I need to know exactly whats going on and what to expect or else my mind goes into overdrive and honestly I cant control it. So professional advice is also greatly appreciated! Being so far away is tough because I cant kniw exactly what has been said. Dh has promised he would tell ke everything and not hide anything for fear of worrying me, and so far he has been true to his word. But there are little things that he may forget or think arent relevant. He has told his oncologist that once the results come back he wants to be treated here which they said shouldn't be an issue.

    Yes mil passed away suddenly 11 months ago today. There is a teacher at sil's school she is extremely close to- the first person she has ever let in and shown vulnerability to, so I will be speaking with her about whats going on. The school has been fantastic with providing support to sil over the last year and a bit, and it is good to know she has this teacher to go to if she needs to. Sil knows something is going on but I don't think she knows what.

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
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    Hi SuperGranny,

    Glad to know there is another grandma in this forum. All the best.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Rammie For This Useful Post:

    SuperGranny  (07-09-2014)


 

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