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  1. #1
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    Default Vent - 7 weeks and people asking if I'm pregnant

    Ok, so I hate lying to people. I'm pregnant with my second but pregnancy is not going well. I've been bleeding since 5 weeks and now I'm almost 8 weeks. Baby was fine as of two days ago but with more bleeding since then, who knows now? Thing is, due my non alcoholic status I can't go to any events/dinners etc without people asking straight out or making jokes all night that they know I'm pregnant. I'm living in 'threatened miscarriage limbo hell' right now and I want to choose who knows about it. Is it too much to ask that people keep their guessing games and their gossip either to themselves or between each other? Forcing me to either lie or tell them something I don't want to tell them is cruel. Everyone knows why people keep this secret in the first trimester and these are not child free people.

    Anyway, rant over. It's just that socialising would be great to take my mind off this right now but I've isolated myself in a depressive funk instead.

  2. #2
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    Ultimately of course it's your choice not to tell. I think it's pretty rude of people to guess.

    I once worked with a woman who was trying to wait until 12 weeks to tell everyone, but due to several reasons we ALL knew instinctively that she was before she announced it. Still, none of us asked her and just pretended to be surprised when she told us. The no alcohol thing was the main reason though, it's such a giveaway.

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    Sally1981  (02-09-2014)

  4. #3
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    Thing is, I don't even mind if they do guess amongst themselves, I just don't want them to ask me. The no alcohol thing is a giveaway, but if you miscarry, then everyone just assumes they guessed wrong when no baby arrives. Whereas if they force you to confirm it and you miscarry, you're then forced to tell that to everyone as well.

  5. #4
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    That's hard. I bet you alternate between wanting to hit someone or just run away and cry when they say it.

    Can you just say you are driving?

    Maybe just try to smile/laugh and say something like, "I don't know, but I'll let you know if I am". It's not strictly untrue under the circumstances so you aren't lying. You could mumble something about trying a diet that excludes alcohol and a few other processed foods because you've been feeling under the weather lately - that might also stop them guessing why you won't eat the ham and soft cheese? Again, not strictly untrue as you probably are eating differently, so that's a diet.

    Not that you should have to justify anything. It sucks. After going through a few miscarriages and fertility treatments, I never ask if people are pregnant, want to have kids etc. I even hesitate asking if they have kids or how many. It might make me seem uninterested, but I know how much it hurt being asked, even innocently, at those raw times.
    Last edited by clbj; 22-08-2014 at 23:47.

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  7. #5
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    Do what I did. Walk around with the same glass of wine all night and pretend to sip at it. Then pass over to hubby to skull.... Worked a treat for me

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  9. #6
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    I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through Wishing a healthy sticky Bub for you x

    At social events in my first trimester I just told people I was on antibiotics so couldn't drink, or I'd order at the bar when no one else was around and ask for a lemonade in a short glass with a slice of lemon/lime in it, so it looked like I was drinking vodka or gin. That seemed to fool everyone.

    Best of luck!

    Sent from my GT-I9195T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Sally1981  (02-09-2014)

  11. #7
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    Good suggestions about pretending to drink wine... Honestly I'm over people being nosy and rude about matters that don't concern them, especially when it's about pregnancy and there are so many people who struggle with getting pregnant/staying pregnant. I'd be inclined to shoot back a fairly deadpan response such as "please don't ask me that ok?" Then turn and walk away.

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    Is it such a bad idea to tell people you are pregnant? If something happens then you have the support of your family and friends without having to start with 'I was pregnant but...'
    I work in a field where I see women losing babies every day from early pregnancy to full term. Why not celebrate your pregnancy now and lean on your support if you need them.
    Saves the awkward moments socialising
    That's just what I think anyways! (I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant too)

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  14. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by wannaBamumma View Post
    Is it such a bad idea to tell people you are pregnant? If something happens then you have the support of your family and friends without having to start with 'I was pregnant but...'
    I work in a field where I see women losing babies every day from early pregnancy to full term. Why not celebrate your pregnancy now and lean on your support if you need them.
    Saves the awkward moments socialising
    That's just what I think anyways! (I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant too)
    For some people it is a bad idea because they don't want to. We didn't tell a single person we were pregnant and yes it meant when the worst happened some of them had to be told hey guess what I was pregnant but now I'm not but I could not have dealt with all the questions while in limbo.

    Everyone deals differently. Celebrating the pregnancy may be the last thing op wants to do. For my even with my 2nd pregnancy we didn't share until 12 weeks as I didn't want to jinx it by saying anything even though there were no known issues this time. And even then it was only close friends and family that knew until my 20 week scan when I finally felt safe to get excited.

    To the op, as others have suggested I'd just sip on wine or order a pretend alcoholic drink. Completely understand where you are coming from wanting to just hide away though.

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    Sally1981  (02-09-2014)

  16. #10
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    People do gossip. I was discussing with a colleague, a different employee I had to consult with who worked at a separate worksite of the same organisation. We were discussing how stressful and poorly organised this worksite was. My colleague then told me that this employee has had "several miscarriages" as a result of the stress of working there. I thought that was really out of line...why tell me that? I'm sure this poor woman didn't want to be the source of gossip. OP, I've just come out of the first trimester and while I've not had to deal with the traumas you are currently going through, I did isolate myself quite a bit from everyone. It can be a lonely time. I hope it all works out for you.

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