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  1. #1
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    Default Ex returning from canada

    18 months ago my ex moved to canada with his wife and their 2 children when our daughter was 4.5, obviously she stayed in australia with me.

    This morning I woke to an email from him asking if they were to return to Australia what kind of arrangement would I agree to (prior to him leaving she spent 2/14 nights with him and one night for dinner during the week). She has visited him once in canada for 10 days but does not want to visit again and she refuses to skype him despite my encouragement and me literally chasing her around the house. He has so far refused to visit her in Australia, he was supposed to for her birthday but that never eventuated.

    I said I was confused as to why he would think anything would be different prior to him leaving given his absence over the past 18 months and he replied it would be nice to have her more frequently and he does not see why this would be an issue to me.

    I imagine things are going to get messy upon his return and what kind of arrangements should I be anticipating?

  2. #2
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    Do you have a court order? If so he can't change it without going down the legal paths but if not then he can take you to mediation for more access.

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    How old is she now?

    I would say to him that you would need to start off very slowly as your daughter has had no relationship with him for quite some time now, and it needs to build.

    That if he wants a relationship with her, he will need to make the effort for that - so short visits but often (maybe an afternoon a week, then 1 day per week but returning home to you at night time etc)

    If he WANTS a relationship with her, you need to make sure you facilitate that, as if it goes to court, the court will order it.

    So for now ... make sure he understands that it will be hard going, but you will help as long as HE puts in the effort. If he doesnt, you arent going to help him.



    its a hard situation

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    No we don't have a court order. We have been through mediation when she was younger and I requested a certificate 60I and was given it as I wanted to relocate and he wouldn't let me, then he ended up moving to canada anyway.

    He has a very big ego and believes himself to be quite entitled so it is very difficult to have a rational conversation with him.

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    also - document everything. EVERYTHING.

    So that if it does go to court - or to mediation - you have a record of how often he has wanted to see her, ho often he has made that happen, when he made arrangements and didnt fulfill them, how often he calls etc.

    so that you can show that you are trying to help - that you are acting in the best interest of your child, which is to slowly build a relationship not just expect that she will be happy to go with him every weekend or whenever its convenient for him.


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    Quote Originally Posted by thepouts View Post
    No we don't have a court order. We have been through mediation when she was younger and I requested a certificate 60I and was given it as I wanted to relocate and he wouldn't let me, then he ended up moving to canada anyway.

    He has a very big ego and believes himself to be quite entitled so it is very difficult to have a rational conversation with him.
    I have no advice but am blown away by the fact he wouldn't let you relocate, and then he up and moved to ANOTHER COUNTRY. Breathtaking! Good luck, he certainly does sound like hard work!

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    Yep, move. He won't have a leg to stand on seeing as he moved os.

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    Hmm. Wonder if there's "trouble in paradise" hence him thinking about moving back to Australia??

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    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    I would wait until he actually moved back to Australia and then organise mediation. Don't promise anything now, he may not even come back. Just tell him you will discuss at mediation if he tries to push you for an answer.

    In mediation, I would be pushing for a slow introduction as he is basically a stranger to her now. eg he sees her for a couple of hours at a time (supervised) building very slowly up to overnights.

    There is no way I would revert back to the old arrangement the minute he arrives back in the country (that is if he actually does come back).

    In the meantime, if he has stopped you moving before and you still want to, I would do it now before he moves back and tries to stop you.
    We did move interstate and he said he will probably move to the same state unfortunately his parents only live about an hour away.

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    He said today he wants an agreement in place before he returns and will draft me his proposal 'in the near future'.

    Will keep you all updated on his sure to be breathtaking wants.


 

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