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  1. #1
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    Default Upset and disappointed

    Ds1 is due to get his tonsils out next week.

    I have ds3 who is full BF and only 6mth old.

    After initially making enquiries I was under the impression that ds3 would be able to stay with me in hospital overnight, with ds1.

    Now the hospital has said that he can't.

    So now I need to figure out what to do..

    Dh can stay with ds1, but I feel so guilty and disappointed that it won't be his mum who is looking after him overnight.

    Alternatively I can ff ds3 and leave him with dh and ds2 at home, but he hates formula (currently trying to wean) and dh doesn't spend enough time with him so he'd go nuts without me.

    I'm so sad. I'm his mum, I should be in hospital with him

    This sux
    Last edited by misho; 20-08-2014 at 19:25.

  2. #2
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    You poor thing I felt the same guilt when DS had his out earlier in the year. DH stayed with him overnight and it didn't turn out to be an issue. DS was last one in to surgery so was still pretty out of it through the night. I was up there first thing when bub woke though and made DH text me through the night with check-ins on him.

    I hope you can find a solution but I'm sure whatever way it works will be fine. Best of luck to your little one.

    Sam

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    Yeah you're his mum but DH is his dad (I presume) and he is just as capable. I always had the 'but I'm their mum' attitude too, but then I realised that really I was doing my DH such a disservice by instantly taking over all those moments because I am 'the mum.' I think it's just an attitude that comes from previous generations.
    There are times when I miss out on things and I am sad for me, but my kids love that their dad is there.
    I do understand your anguish though...my oldest had an asthma attack when I was in my first trimester with my third baby and dealing with ms etc. We agreed it would be better if I stayed home because I needed to eat through the night, and didn't cope with no sleep (would be really ill). I raced up to the hospital as fast as my ms would allow me the next morning and DD was fine without me...she had her dad and that was good enough for her.

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  5. #4
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    oh

    that makes it hard

  6. #5
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    I understand your predicament and the feelings of guilt as a mum but if your DH is capable. Let him do this for his son.
    My daughter spent 6 nights in hospital in isolation when she was 2 due to RSV and my second daughter was only 4 months old at the time and still fully breast fed. It broke my heart to leave my little girl in hospital overnight but her dad camped out with her and never left her side. To this day the bond they have is incredible. Sometimes as mums, we just can't do it all.
    I completely understand how you feel but I think from experience your smallest child needs you more. Once your big boy is home, you can nurture him and spoil him rotten.

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    Op, I was in the same predicament a few years back when my DD1 had a tumour removed and I was exclusively breastfeeding DD2 and couldn't stay in the Hospital. I felt incredible guilt, not because DH was there and not I as 'the Mum' but because ALL the Mothers in my playgroup at the time told me they couldn't have done what I did, and I felt absolutely awful.

    to you and what helped me was getting constant updates from DH with photos.

    Wishing your DS well with his up-coming surgery.

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    Ah! That makes it so hard. I'm sure your DH will be more than capable of looking after DS1. Huge hugs!

  10. #8
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    I agree I am sure your little one will be fine with his daddy

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    Thanks all.

    I know dh will look after him, he'll do a great job.

    But i just want to be with him.

    It's hard as it is in that with 3 kids, my bond with ds1 is a little less strong than it was because I'm so busy with his little brothers. That's life I know, he'll get older and I'll have to loosen the reigns so to speak.

    When ds2 was 8 days old he had to have a lumbar puncture and I was advised against going in the procedure room, so dh went in. I've always regretted not being strong enough to be there for my baby, so now to have to leave ds1 behind overnight just really really sux.

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    I know it's not the same as staying overnight but check with the hospital you are going to regarding visiting hours. Most children's hospitals are relatively relaxed with visiting hours. You should be able to stay until your son is asleep and return as early as you can in the morning. Maybe even ask if they have parents accommodation (although this is normally reserved for long term patients and those that have to travel). It's a horrible position to be in it may or may not help to know that psychologists would advise you to stay with the baby and not your son for developmental reasons especially if he is used to you.


 

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