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  1. #1
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    Default Bloody inlaws!! So fed up with them!

    I know this happened 5 years ago, but the night before our wedding my inlaws and SIL all got together and decided to lash out and say some extremely hurtful things about me to DH. SIL told DH she thinks I am fat and useless and the biggest mistake of his life, and that he must call off the wedding and that they all laugh about me. MIL then called him telling him that he will always belong to her, not some other woman. FIL even had a crack saying DH has never been the same since being with me and they want me gone... this all eventuated after DH and I decided to move out of the house we rented off them and buy our own. They tried everything to stop us from moving out - including threatening to cut DH from the will.

    They wanted us to remain living under that roof, and constantly ordered DH to get a per-nuptual agreement done as "No woman from the outside will be having any of their money" They would drop in unannounced, tell the neighbors to call the police on us if we ever had any people over, so that resulted in us having the police knock on the door when we had friends over for dinner from false noise complaints. I know they told the neighbors to do it because FIL told me so when he once arrived unannounced and decided to have a massive bag out session about DH. He chuckled as he blurted out that he has the neighbors worded up to call the police if we ever have any friends over. Its all just about control.

    So much other crap has happened ... its been ongoing, but the reason why i am peeved off now is lately they just keep at us about forgiving SIL for the horrible things she said about me the night before the wedding, and that need to 'get over it and let the siblings be close again" Tonight FIL apparently even told DH that he will cut us out of their will if we don't make up with SIL.

    When DH came home and told me that i completely blew up. They can stick their will up their bums! This isn't about being stubborn, and not forgiving. This is about me not wanting to be around someone who thinks so poorly about me. Its bad enough being around the inlaws (very rarely) but i caved with them after standing my ground with them and MIL finally cracked and called me and apologised for her behavior. She tried to tell me back then that her apology was also on behalf of SIL, but i told her straight that SIL needs to contact me herself and give me a genuine apology so i know she didn't really mean it. Otherwise I am left with the idea thats how she really feels about me.

    Of course that was ignored and they have constantly tried tactics to getting us to just put it all behind us. Normally i do, but this wasn't just people being angry with each other, SIL said some really horrible things that have left me realising thats how she really feels. It infuriates them that DH stands by me too. He has caved a couple times and had a litle involvement with her, I have always said as long as I am not expected to have anything to do with her he can do what he likes. But now SIL is not happy with that and she has decided she wants to be in DS's life. Well im afraid someone who thinks so poorly of me doesn't deserve to be in DS life. The way I see it, if she had her way DH and I wouldn't even be married and DS wouldn't even exist.

    I used to be good friends with SIL too.... back before she got into the drugs. I used to do her hair for her for free all the time, chat to her about boys... it all changed quite abruptly.... more so when DH and i got more serious i guess. I guess once it was known I wasn't just another "honeymoon season" girlfriend, and instead i was hanging around then the jealousy set in.

    I am just so over them just treating me like dirt, like my feelings don't matter and i don't even deserve an apology and to be told SIL didn't mean what she said. I can't help but go with the idea that she must mean it and think so horribly of me if she can't even reach out and make things right again.

    I want nothing more to do with the inlaws now. Its just constant issues with them. Not only do they expect us to just forgive and forget with SIL, but they demand US to go to HER. They claim she 'cries to them because she isn't in DS's life' and they hate seeing her upset because she is their little girl (she's 28) Im afraid she made the choice when she lashed out and said what she did. It really hurt me and F'd my head up the night before our wedding. I was distraught and didn't want to marry DH anymore over it but he begged me all night to not let them get between us. Im glad I didn't now, but its just ongoing.

    Sorry i just needed to vent. DS loves having grandparents, and I have recently fallen out with my mum too si DS will be left with no grandparents if i follow through with having nothing to do with the inlaws now. I hate the fact DH and i both come from such toxic dysfunctional families. Its really infuriating.

  2. #2
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    you will feel so much better off without them.

  3. #3
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    So you are putting up with all this crap to stay in a will? Lol... Stuff the money! No amount of money is worth that hell.

    We have cut family from our life and never looked back. It will never change, so you may as well move forward without the drama. They will only use your ds as a pawn in their stupid games, he is better off without that.

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    If they are as toxic and dysfunctional as they sound the best thing you can do for your son is to cut them out of your lives. Once he's older he may want to have a relationship with them that doesn't involve you and that's doable. My SIL is completely off her rocker and my parents have no contact with her but fantastic relationships with her children.

    You don't need to play happy just so your son gets to see these people.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    lilypily  (20-08-2014)

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    Its just tough as while DH is on board with sticking up for me, he can't bring himself to take the plunge and end it with them even though they belittle him and try to make his life hell. I don't tell him what to do, but i have made it clear i have had enough of them and for now on do not want to hear anything about them. I don't care about their money, its always been used as a weapon and i am sick of them constantly threatening to cut us from their will in order to make us do what they want. My sadness is more to do with the fact DS wont have any grandparents now on either side because we have such sh!t extended families. DS deserves so much more than this. But he also deserves to be around good people. It's tough.

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    Definitely don't put up with them for the chance of being in the will. It is not uncommon in these situations for the children to do everything that's demanded of them and still end up cut out of the will.

    I also agree with the others that the in laws sound well and truly toxic and I'd be staying well clear of them. I know its tough on your DH (we went through the same thing with my MIL - right down to her telling DH not to go through the wedding on the night before) but he really needs to stand up to them and put boundaries in place and enforce them consistently. DH did that and it worked wonders. We were no contact with his mother for years and it was tough at first, but he was a more confident, balanced person without her around telling him how awful we all were.

    Good luck, its really soul destroying having people in your lives who run you down constantly. Life's too short for putting up with that.

  8. #7
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    Making peace with the quality (or lack of quality) of family members is really hard. Our inlaws are very absent not because they don't care but due to a number of health and distance reasons. It took me years to accept that.

    But happy parents are the most important thing in your son's life, so you need to make whatever decision makes you happy, and make your peace with it. you'll never change your family, but you can change how it hurts you

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    No amount of money in the world is worth putting up with their sickening behaviour. I can't imagine how you feel having to have them in your life.

    It's disturbing how they are throwing their weight around and flat out making threats about the will to try and control your DH and you. It's not right and you deserve better.

    I'd tell them where they could stick their money and stay well away from their controlling, pathetic mind-games.

    Huge hugs OP.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    If they are as toxic and dysfunctional as they sound the best thing you can do for your son is to cut them out of your lives. Once he's older he may want to have a relationship with them that doesn't involve you and that's doable. My SIL is completely off her rocker and my parents have no contact with her but fantastic relationships with her children.

    You don't need to play happy just so your son gets to see these people.
    This

  11. #10
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    Hun ...
    why oh why is your DH still letting them get away with this crap?

    You need to block them out, focus on fixing your place up and growing that belly bubba. That you are still fretting over them is unacceptable


 

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