It's been a long time since I have been around on BH - about 7 years to be exact! Lol. But I'm back with a question.
My partner, let's call him 'C' and I are currently dealing with conflicting opinions regarding "procreating" as he so nicely refers to the subject.
We have been best mates for 6 years and together officially for the past 2. We know everything there is to know about each other and have an extremely close bond and relationship and have since we first met all those years ago.
I am 26, almost 27 and C has just turned 30. I have an almost 8 year old daughter (8 on Sunday) and C has a son who is almost 7 (Christmas Day baby) We have both the kids part time as they both share equal time with each of their respective other parent.
I am self employed and earn a good income while C is a concreter, steel fixer and formworker also earning a good income. He is also co-director of our business and trains and assesses for his three trades which brings in even more funds for the business. We are certainly not hard off financially but we do have $100,000 debt which includes both cars, his tax debt and child support debt as well as the usual life related debts people encounter. I'm currently working on reducing our debt down to a more reasonable amount. We are also silly with spending. We both enjoy going out and spending money on meals etc. That would be better spent getting ahead in life But we are working on that issue.
Anyway, now that you know my life story, here is the problem. I feel like I am ready to have another baby but C is dead against it. He had a pretty rough time with his ex and he sees babies as more of a burden than a joy. He will walk the opposite direction if he hears a child screaming in the shops and says that taking a child anywhere is like a planned military operation. Whenever the subject comes up in general conversation with our friends he makes it very well known that he is NOT interested in having anymore children. There are some ongoing issues with his ex even though they have been separated for 5 years. I have that issue but you don't see that stopping me... Lol. I am very sensitive to his past experiences and understand that this has put him off.
I broached the subject with him last night and after an argument he did agree to give it some thought. He raised some concerns which I do partially agree with and I have taken his concerns on board. He is concerned that now is not a good time- is it ever a "good time" to have a baby? He would like to be living in our own home before we have a baby- I want this too and we are working on this but it's a couple if years away before that will be realistic. He would like to be more comfortable financially- we are comfortable! Just stop wasting money on crap for goodness sake! Lol. He would like to have a large chunk of our debt paid off- ummmm... Working on it! Rome wasn't built in a day . I know it's a huge win getting him to even consider this.
We talked about it again today, well I tried to talk but he got defensive. After he calmed down and decided to behave like an adult he saiid that he thinks February next year will be the time that he will seriously consider it. His reasoning is that gives us time to get through Christmas and the expenses that go along with it and also knock over some debt between now and then. And I agree with this. That said, I feel like this will be another situation that is just put off time and time again.
My my argument is that I am not getting any younger. I never wanted the kids to have such large age gaps. I know people do it all the time but it's not personally what I wanted for myself or my family. I don't want to be 28 or older before we start having the "let's have a baby" conversation. It just doesn't sit well with me. I have been pondering this for the past year at least.
I am am interested to hear everyone's thoughts or experiences in dealing with this issue. I'm trying to approach the situation with reason and a certain level of restraint but I feel as though my opinion and concerns aren't being listened to. I have told him this and I have also told him that I agree with him and understand his reasons.
Its not very often that we face issues that we disagree on and i think we are both finding it difficult to find a happy medium.
P.S. Sorry about the essay and spelling- using your phone to post is a pain! Lol