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    Default Does your partner help with household chores??

    We have 10 week old baby plus 5&7 year old. I was struggling with being sahm before this surprise pregnancy. I love my kids but hate that they are growing up seeing my role as Cook/cleaner. Dp has well paid stressful job so whenever I try and get him to help I feel useless like I can't even look after the house despite fact I never planned to be in this role and it's completely eroding my sense of self. Being sahm has put a massive wedge between us in that we can't relate to each other. I'm just curious as to how much others get help with domestic chores??

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    Its very hard when you feel almost 'put down' in your role.

    Your role is incredibly important. Its not just cooking and cleaning, its raising and shaping your children.

    Its much more important than his which is simply providing money


    I am lucky in that DH does do a lot around the house ... but I found it very hard initially to not feel resentment towards him and to not feel like when he did actually help it was a failure of mine that he had to step in ..

    I did find that a lot of my resentment and unhappiness was hormone - related. As bubs got older and my hormones went back to normal (and I got some actual sleep) I was a bit more rational in my thinking and got some self respect about the input I was making.

    I have no advice as to how to get him to help out more though


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    My DH helps with the cooking. All other domestic chores and all the parenting is on me. Our 3 children are 4.5, 3, and 15mths. I also work 3 full days a week, and on those days all drop off, pick ups and everything else regarding the chilren and household is up to me. Dh does deal with dinner most nights.

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    Does your DP mind helping or is the issue that you find it hard to relinquish some of what you see as your job as a SAHM?

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    Normally I do the lion's share, but since I've been so sick lately DH has had to assume most household tasks as I simply can't move from my chair

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    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    Does your DP mind helping or is the issue that you find it hard to relinquish some of what you see as your job as a SAHM?
    The issue is that I've always done it and it was ok when we had a smaller house and most of my day was looking after the kids, now kids are older (well except baby) so most of my day has revolved around housework. When I try and talk to him it all goes wrong and he points out how I'm not very efficient around the house - which is probably true but I still don't think I should have to do everything at the weekend as well as while he's at work. I tell him I'm struggling and finding it depressing to be home all the time, he just gets irritated with me and says I should find a job! Then we go in circles as I've been out of work for 7 years and have no idea where to start to get back in - especially now I have another baby.
    I guess I'm wondering if other people think I'm being unreasonable expecting dp to help out when he's working all week??

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    I don't think it's unreasonable especially given you have a 10w old baby maybe try asking him (I saw this in another thread and thought it was a good idea) if he would rather do x or y ie would he rather clean up dinner or bath the kids. Vacuum or Mop?

    Good luck xo

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    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    I guess I'm wondering if other people think I'm being unreasonable expecting dp to help out when he's working all week??
    No. He should be helping, even just in small ways, when he gets home and on weekends.

    I'm the full time worker in my household and I still do plenty of housework! DH and I both just do what needs to be done.

    And I would NEVER come home at the end of the day and whine at my DH if he hadn't done much around the house. Caring for DS is the priority. Housework can wait.

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    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    I don't think it's unreasonable especially given you have a 10w old baby maybe try asking him (I saw this in another thread and thought it was a good idea) if he would rather do x or y ie would he rather clean up dinner or bath the kids. Vacuum or Mop?

    Good luck xo
    Great suggestion!

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    Quote Originally Posted by [Mod] Degrassi View Post
    No. He should be helping, even just in small ways, when he gets home and on weekends.

    I'm the full time worker in my household and I still do plenty of housework! DH and I both just do what needs to be done.

    And I would NEVER come home at the end of the day and whine at my DH if he hadn't done much around the house. Caring for DS is the priority. Housework can wait.
    This 100%

    Lately I've had a lot of resentment towards DH because he is following his dreams and getting the great career he wants yet I seem further than ever way from anything like that for myself. I cant even imagine how much resentment I'd have there if he didn't help me out with the housework etc too. You're not a housemaid. You're a mother. Huge difference. He helped create the children and is responsible for them and the house also. Its unfair of him to expect you to do everything.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app


 

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