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  1. #1
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    Default Can you really change the way you are....

    I am a shy person, don't like large groups of people or people that I don't know.
    (I have no trouble posting on BH though lol.)
    4 of my kids are just like me.
    My DH complains about the way I am sometimes he tells me don't worry about what other people think.
    If they don't like you its there loss.
    But isn't being a little different what makes us who we are...

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    It is OK to be who you are.

    In a way he is right. I say the same thing. Who cares what others think of you. It is something that is easier said than done though.

    I believe you can work on yourself to become less shy but the shyness doesn't go away forever and when you stop actively trying to be more outgoing the shyness creeps back. At least that is my experience with it. (That makes sense in my head, honest)

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    I have changed a little as I've grown, I was a very shy person, and am nowhere near as shy anymore. Life circumstances, needing to get jobs, deal with job interviews, talk to workmates etc helped with that. I had no choice but to come more social.

    However, deep down I am still me. I have tried to change so many things about myself so many times, and I always still come back to this. I am who I am. I can't change who I am. I have a lot of flaws, and I can work on them and do better, but deep down they are still my flaws and still who I am even when I am working on them.

    I don't believe a person can change who they are. I used to hope they could (because I wanted to change who I was so badly) but I no longer believe it's possible.

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    I think you can change who you are to an extent. You will always be who you have always been, but you can certainly grow and change your opinions.

    It's okay to be shy. Not everyone has to be outgoing and loud. I believe the same thing. If someone doesn't like you because of being who you are then it's their loss.

  5. #5
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    I don't think you can change who you are. But I think life and new experiences can change you. To take from your example OP, I was/am shy and a bit of a city princess. I was also very sensitive and cared a lot what people thought of me. I then moved to outback Australia to teach, and my experiences there significantly changed all of those aspects about myself. I adapted to survive. So I didn't set out to say 'I will change this and this about myself', but after two years there I looked in the mirror and saw a different person.

    But I do think that your husband complaining about who you are isn't an obligation for you to change. Perhaps he could be more generous about the way he thinks about someone he loves x

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    I was once told that we are all essentially like big rubber bands. Life experiences make the band twist and stretch, but eventually we go back to being the way we were (like a rubber band). But enough stretching will mean we do move a bit or even eventually break.

    I think it's true for me. The deaths of the kids on MH17 really affects me. And I know it has made me a more patient and less stressed parent. I hope it lasts.


 

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