I think I have pnd, I don't know... Maybe I'm just overreacting, maybe I'm just being melodramatic and need to get my perspective. I've honestly tried to just snap out of it, to just tell myself I have everything to be thankful for, that I'm living the dream but it's not working not long term anyway. I'm perfectly happy one day then the next I'm overwhelmed and sad and frustrated!
I don't feel like seeing anyone, I do because my children need the play dates but I just want to go and watch my children play and not talk to anyone.
The smallest task seems huge, I am naturally a procrastinator but even putting the computer on charge seems like a big deal. Sometimes I have to tell myself "one thing at a time, I'll get it done one bit by bit" just to do the clean up after dinner.
I've asked my husband for help, for emotional help, I've asked him more than once to hold me by the shoulders and tell me "it's ok just take a deep breath" when I get frustrated or sad but he never does he just gets mad or dismisses me which makes things so much worse! Last week he got a promotion and I had such a hard time faking excitement actually I really did a bad job at it, I am proud of him and it's good for him but I honestly couldn't care less.
Sometimes I contemplate suicide, I would never actually do it but it feels good to think about it.
I feel like I'm being punished because I used to shake my head and just feel that people who experienced depression were just putting a label on not being happy with their lifestyle or personal situations.
On the bad days I feel like the house is never tidy enough and I am never organized enough. That I'm not doing enough with the kids and that I am not making an effort in my marriage. I feel like my husband is not emotionally supportive and I feel like I am alone and lonely.
On the good days I tell myself that I am thankful for my healthy happy children, that I have a loving marriage that my husband is a great father and husband and that if I am sweet to him he'll be sweet back.
I don't feel like I should approach a doctor I don't think they'll take me seriously, even if they do what are they going to do?