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  1. #1
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    Default Who else has a strong willed child? Need help with toddler!

    My DS is incredibly strong willed / spirited.

    im having so much trouble and feel I'm not managing his personality as well as I can particularly through toddler years. I sometimes resort to losing it and smacking him .

    What do you do to manage your strong willed toddler. He's 2.4.

    how do you discipline and for what. How do you get them to do as you say (ie time to brush teeth/change nappy). I feel everything is a battle and I'm fighting him every minute of the day.

    i love his personality, his fierce independence, his intelligence, his energy (sometimes!), but he is so strong willed. I think I am too ad we butt heads. I want obedience from him. Am I asking too much. I think I sometimes treat him like an adult and expect too much. What should I expect from him?

    i need all the help I can get! Please help me!!

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    Not sure I have much advice but can definitely empathize.
    My son is almost 3 and a lot like this too.
    I guess all you can do is try to engage him where hes at and be firm but gentle.
    Discipline at this age is kinda tricky becauee there are still things they dont understand.
    I did read the No Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and found that interesting.

    Sent from my SM-T210 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  3. #3
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    it is very hard.

    I found with my DD that giving her a time really helped. Giving her a 2 minute warning

    Ie - in 2 minutes its time to go to bed / time to leave the park etc

    and also the 1-2-3 magic techniques worked really well.

    I found posative attention worked well (though was exhausting at times) ... engaging her to do fun things and distracting her from the bad behavior.

    Pick your battles. Pick the few behaviours that you find unnacceptable (ie you MUST hold hands crossing the road .. but if you want to wear socks and sandals its not a big deal)

    Let the things that dont matter so much go .. you are not going to get obedience on everything so dont expect it.

    Take your time with things like the shopping. Allow yourself 2 hrs for somethign that might only normally take 1/2 hr so that you can stop and re-arrange the tinned fruit, swim up and down the isle and play on the merry-go-round thingy before you go home.

    On the big stuff, be prepared to stand your ground. It doesnt help if you make a stand on something and then give in because he has a tantrum. He will learn that if he has a tantrum you will give in .... so once you decide on a battle - see it through.

    (but again, only the big stuff. Decide before you start whether or not its worth the fight ... because you cant change your mind)


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    exactly what katiesmum has just said. choose your battles. and try to negotiate if it is not worth a proper battle. try to think that you are wanting to bend the personality, not break the spirit. marie

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    Will come back later to share

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    Quote Originally Posted by BH-KatiesMum View Post


    it is very hard.

    I found with my DD that giving her a time really helped. Giving her a 2 minute warning

    Ie - in 2 minutes its time to go to bed / time to leave the park etc

    and also the 1-2-3 magic techniques worked really well.

    I found posative attention worked well (though was exhausting at times) ... engaging her to do fun things and distracting her from the bad behavior.

    Pick your battles. Pick the few behaviours that you find unnacceptable (ie you MUST hold hands crossing the road .. but if you want to wear socks and sandals its not a big deal)

    Let the things that dont matter so much go .. you are not going to get obedience on everything so dont expect it.

    Take your time with things like the shopping. Allow yourself 2 hrs for somethign that might only normally take 1/2 hr so that you can stop and re-arrange the tinned fruit, swim up and down the isle and play on the merry-go-round thingy before you go home.

    On the big stuff, be prepared to stand your ground. It doesnt help if you make a stand on something and then give in because he has a tantrum. He will learn that if he has a tantrum you will give in .... so once you decide on a battle - see it through.

    (but again, only the big stuff. Decide before you start whether or not its worth the fight ... because you cant change your mind)

    Agree 100%. What ever technique you use you need to find what currency works for them. With my DS it is toy removal. So I use 1 2 3 magic and remind him that if I get to 3 he will lose whatever toy is the flavour of the moment and he will not get it back until his behaviour improves. Most times this works but not always (it's a work in progress) I currently have a small stash of toys in the spare room and when he has displayed good behaviour I say "OK lets go choose a toy to bring back because Mummy likes that you have been playing nicely" (or whatever)so then it also works to reward the good behaviour.

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    Excellent advice, thanks everyone.

    ive ordered the book "how to raise a spirited child" and 123 magic so hopefully they'll help me as well. I really should have got the spirited child book ages ago. I've just been plodding along hoping things work out, but then we hit a rough patch and I just feel I'm fumbling my way through parenting blindly with no proper direction or course.

    I find time out just does not work with him. He fights it so bad that I can't pin him to the one spot also hes crying so loud he cant hear me. I'm hoping 123 magic is more our style.

    I think I really do need to pick my battles. I might make a list of things I really do expect of him and then navigate through all the minor things and decide if its worth the battle or not.

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    One of the best things I have found with my DD is refusing to yell at her at all. People think I'm crazy but after about two months of not yelling at her at all, her behaviour has turned around 100%. It doesn't mean I'm perfect, it really made me reassess myself as a person too, and sometimes it is hard but I have found that keeping in touch with a motivating fb page called "positive parenting" seems to help me stay on track.

    I haven't even finished reading 123 magic but have the gist of the principals behind it and it does work... And because I don't yell anymore I find that I warn her I'm going to count soon, if I start counting and get to 3 she's off to time out. I also tell her that mummy doesn't like or want to put her in time out and it's really her choice to do what mummy is asking, or go to time out.

    I can count on one hand how many times she has ended up in time out this year.
    It took about 6 weeks to really notice her behaviour change but now she is very good at least 95% of the time. If we do happen to raise our voice she now instantly starts crying ( & sometimes like last night when she stood on my hair and it hurt it's unavoidable not to yell cos of the pain!) and asks us to stop. We hug it out to explain why we yelled and have to calm her more than put her in timeout...

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  12. #10
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    I am currently going through this with my 3.5 yr old.
    I want to take back control, be a lot more consistent and set down some boundaries and acceptable behaviours and follow through.
    I am taking it day by day. And choosing one small thing/behaviour to focus on for a couple weeks, the last couple weeks I was cutting down on tv and her fav DVD. She would no longer have all access to it anytime she wanted.
    If ever she asked to watch it or turned the tv on I would turn it off straight away, ask that she help my tidy up/wipe a bench ect, something small so the tv was an incentive. THEN, she can watch 1 episode/show.
    I also found distraction worked. If I set up an activity in another room, she would naturally come and check it out, I remind her tv off while we are painting ect.

    she now knows tv is off for meal times, she can watch her show if she eats all her meal. She needs to be dressed and ready with shoes on/teeth and hair done if she wants to watch tv before we go out. If she is too slow because she is being difficult tantrums, I remind her there will be no time for tv....and I follow through with this. I find the tantrum isn't as bad as she knew the consequences and knows that I will follow through with my threats.

    I stopped yelling.
    less tv, it is now on for about 30min each day.
    I have found less tv to have made a difference to the whole tone if the household.

    i have made a check list for getting ready of a morning (it's just laminated pictures with a simple word under it like "teeth" and a pic of a toothbrush. She crosses things off with a whiteboard marker as she does them. Makes her feel proud and in control of what is happening next but really, it's helping me and it's the behaviour I want from her.

    Goodluck I think structured days and consistency are keys. Sometimes I think the child isn't the problem, it's the environment and how the parents react to situations. Kids pick up on our stress and anxiety.
    try something small that may have a surprising effect - turning EVERYTHING DOWN a knotch. The way you react, how loud you talk and background noise.
    try stoping and thinking for a moment before you react to the tantrum. Breathe!
    Last edited by Little Miss Muffet; 15-08-2014 at 16:05.

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