At the risk of inflaming anyone, I have come to realise in my case suicide wasn't preventable. Like Virgina Wolff, sometimes when a person makes that decision no amount of watching, waiting, help or love can save them. Sometimes they reach the point where they don't want to be saved.
I had to make my peace with it by telling myself it was the final decision to take control in a world that had lost control. In our case it was premeditated, considered, and extremely final.
As for the shame, obviously anyone close to a person who does this feels like they should have done more to save them. It's the one question i asked over and over again. What more could I have done?
If anyone out there is reading this, and is struggling just know you are not alone. You are loved, you are important and there is help out there for you if you want or need it. You don't have to do it on your own.
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@Sonja I totally understand what you're saying. I had a very close friend that I lost to suicide and by the end no one was surprised. It was a case of 'so she finally did it'. I hope everyone realises that I don't mean that I'm a disrespectful way. It's just that the illness she had was so deep, none of us could help her. God, she was one of the most loved, beautiful, engaging, outgoing and charismatic people I ever met. A lot of us spent a lot of time soul searching - examining and re-examining every interaction, both positive and negative, that we'd ever had, wondering if we'd somehow been different, better, more aware, more vigilant, we could have changed sokething.
But, like I think you're saying Sonja, the only comfort we could all come to was that ultimately she was out of our reach. We all did everything we could. She didn't suffer in silence - she sought help over and over and nothing any of us did, professional or otherwise, could end her pain. I think about her almost every day.
Last edited by headoverfeet; 12-08-2014 at 23:19.
I am no way implying that the act of suicide is preventable or that those close to them could of done any more.
But there is a path to reach that lowest point. It doesn't happen overnight. In that regard depression is treatable and suicide can be avoided if somehow we can stop people from reaching that point. I don't have the answers. But as a nation I think we need to start searching for those answers.
Sorry if I'm not making sense I struggle to get my thoughts across....
I think sometimes when people have these conversations in the media or wherever about what more can be done to help the victims of suicide it's easy to feel that there is an expectation that we could have done more. And with that comes a sense of failure because you were the family who couldn't save their brother.
Last edited by Blue Penguin; 13-08-2014 at 08:05.
Firstly- HUGE HUGS to all the survivors- your strength astounds me.
I have lost two brothers to suicide- pause for awkwardness
I've only said it handful of times and its hurts even to type it.
To say that my family carries the stigma of mental illness is an understatement.
I, like others tried desperately to save/ support my brothers.
I saw the sadness slowly killing them and all I could do was tell them I loved them and hoped it would be enough.
What really gets me now is how mental illness is thrown in the 'too hard' basket for so many- particularly the government. The statistic of death by suicide in this country are a national disgrace.
Last edited by Molly19; 12-08-2014 at 20:29.
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