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  1. #11
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    Yesterday when we were out having a family walk with the dogs, i was talking to DH about mum .. and DS asked me "Where is Grandma?" and I looked at DH and he told me to go on and tell him the truth, as i gave DH a heads up that i was going to....

    Anyways so i said to DS "Darling we wont be seeing grandma anymore." and before i finished he asked me 'Why?" and i told him because grandma has been mean to me and made me sad" DS seemed to listen very carefully as i was explaining it to him ... I went on and said to him that "sometimes in life things don't always work out with people, and we need to move on" DS responded saying "Ok mummy"

    He's only just 2.5 years ... so i am probably getting ahead of myself but do you think there is a chance he understands? I actually feel he does as he accepted what I said and hasn't mentioned her since. I felt a warm fuzzy feeling today as i have realised he is on my side, not hers. Mum would always go on about how he is better with her because her and him have a special bond. And that him giving me a bit of a hard time at times is purely because he and i aren't well bonded, even though i feel very intune and bonded with my boy.

    She is relying on him missing her to torment me, but i think she has well and truly underestimated his intelligence and connection with me...
    Last edited by Serenity Love; 11-08-2014 at 00:28.

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    PomPoms  (11-08-2014),someonesomewhere  (11-08-2014)

  3. #12
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    Well done It's great to hear your confidence as a parent and belief in your boy's love is returning now you don't have them constantly undermining you!

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    Serenity Love  (11-08-2014)

  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by deku View Post
    Well done It's great to hear your confidence as a parent and belief in your boy's love is returning now you don't have them constantly undermining you!
    Very true I am probably seeing it more now already in just the couple weeks she has been out of my life.

    Funnily enough when she came back into my life when he was just a baby my BF relationship broke down, and my stress levels as a mother went up....

    I just worry that he is going to grow up and wonder why he has no extended family at all... it will just be DH and I, his sister... and friends. And maybe the inlaws but there is a lot of work that needs o be done on their part as well with re-building a decent relationship with us. Oh well ill take that hurdle when it comes I guess.
    Last edited by Serenity Love; 11-08-2014 at 10:33. Reason: typo

  6. #14
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    Sounds like he has accepted it and understood. Children understand a lot more than we give them credit for! Hopefully you can all move on now :-) don't worry about the extended family thing. The only family of mine or hubby's that doesn't live in the UK is my dad and step mum and DD won't be seeing my dad often.

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    Serenity Love  (11-08-2014)

  8. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by LaDiDah View Post
    Sounds like he has accepted it and understood. Children understand a lot more than we give them credit for! Hopefully you can all move on now :-) don't worry about the extended family thing. The only family of mine or hubby's that doesn't live in the UK is my dad and step mum and DD won't be seeing my dad often.
    Thanks so much! That really helps to know.

    And yeah he really has understood so much .. just before while playing outside he picked up a bucket and said "this is Pops. Pop gone too?" Pop is FIL. I said "No darling we'll see Pop again at some stage, Pop is at his house. But we wont see Grandma anymore ok?" and DS looked at me and said "Grandma not happy?" and i said "No she's not and she has upset mummy" and DS said "No more Grandma" and then carried on playing! He looks a little like it maybe bothers him little I think, but he is also accepting it and trying to understand. But she was only brought up that time because i brought her up - he is already onto asking about his other grandparents and he asked me in a sussing out if they will be around to.... lol he's such a character.

    My god my mum would absolutely lose it if she heard the discussion I am having with DS LOL! This is NOT what she had planned at all. It really is helping so much with moving on. I am feeling positive, in control of my life and free. Back when i first fell out with her all i did ewas worry and be hurt and anxious over the fact my DS wont have grandparents on my side .. as mum always would text message me telling me how much I am going to ruin my children by depriving them of her. Well with her in their life eventually she only proved i should have just kept her away! I wont be manipulated and guilt tripped ever again.

    Thanks so much for the support and advice all its so amazing on this forum <3

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity Love View Post

    I just worry that he is going to grow up and wonder why he has no extended family at all... it will just be DH and I, his sister... and friends. And maybe the inlaws but there is a lot of work that needs o be done on their part as well with re-building a decent relationship with us. Oh well ill take that hurdle when it comes I guess.
    Yeah, I totally understand where you come from with this. For my DS it looks like it will be sort of the same. Though my side of the family lives overseas and my mum is also a narcissist. Dad enabling her and not standing up to her. My siblings dont see it or choose to not react I dunno, maybe I just see it more because I have been away from home for that long. But I do miss my siblings and nieces and nephews.
    And the in-laws is just about the same, lots of issues there. Don't see much of DHs brother and his sister they are too self absorbed to visit or care. Then there is MIL and FIL too overbearing, acting like they are only grandparents in DSs life, give them a finger they grab your hand and arm, whilst before DS was born and before DH and I even got married they made me feel total worthless but thats a different story. We've struck the lucky card when it comes to family.

    I wonder sometimes if I/maybe even you have trouble with other relationships due to the messed up relationship or lack of relationship with my/your own mother. who knows.

    so glad to hear that your DS seems to understand though. In the long run it will be better for him not to have toxic people in his life.

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  11. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity Love View Post
    It really is helping so much with moving on. I am feeling positive, in control of my life and free. Back when i first fell out with her all i did ewas worry and be hurt and anxious over the fact my DS wont have grandparents on my side .. as mum always would text message me telling me how much I am going to ruin my children by depriving them of her. Well with her in their life eventually she only proved i should have just kept her away! I wont be manipulated and guilt tripped ever again.

    3
    It's also great that you feel liberated now. This means you will have space to grow and find yourself again. Once the toxic people are out, you once again have breathing space and you stop the worry. It allows you to be happy again with yourself and who you are.
    I havent exactly cut out my mum, but moving overseas and away from her has in a sense liberated me too. So aside from a visit every few years and a skype for an hour a week, I dont have to deal with the manipulating either. But yeah, I still miss my family too.
    You will notice as time goes by how much more positive you will become. And if you are positive my dear, your DS will be so much better off.
    Hope it all works out for you hun!

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  13. #18
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    Thanks so much someonesomewhere - really appreciate it hun.

    I do feel that my **** upbringing and strained relationship with my mum dad and sister have effected me in my life with forming relationships with people in the earlier days. But I managed to over come that a few years ago when I stopped having anything to do with any of them. My mum doesn't like me having friends either so since I have had her back in my life for DS's sake my friendships with people have gone a little distant again. I am too busy being anxious and feeling stressed all the time and I lose motivation to spend time with people and tend to close up. All my energy is spent trying to cope. Its crap.

    I am feeling good that things will work out now. They have in the past and they will again. I feel embarrassed when people ask about my family and they wonder why I have none anymore. I am sure they think I must be the problem to have nothing to do with any of them, but that's not the case... while I was a push over and never spoke up I had them in my life. Its once I started speaking up that things went pear shaped. They never wanted to accept me for who I am, only for who they wanted me to be. My role in the family was to be the push over that smiles and shuts up otherwise ill cop it from mum! Bugger them all! I know we'll be better off.


 

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