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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeavenBlue View Post
    Well that sucks. So he'd rather leave him with a stranger. Sounds like a typical jerk to me. I can't understand that. Well perhaps be upfront that you've seen his ad and you are not happy and see if another solution can't be found? Another family member isn't an option?
    I told him I saw the ad and offered an alternative but he's not interested. And no, we have no family here.

  2. #12
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    I like the idea of you finding someone.... Like a work friends teenage daughter or something and asking them to respond to the add. Sorry you have to worry about stuff like this. X

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    BbBbBh  (07-08-2014)

  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    Technically it is within his rights, however in reality I would be extremely uncomfortable with the situation. I don't know what I'd do if my exdh pulled a stunt like that.

    What would happen if you just didn't send him?

    If a friend invited your DS over for a sleepover that your night, would your exdh let him go?

    Do you have orders currently in place? (I'm sure I've seen other posts of yours mention court??) My lawyer advised against first right of refusal for babysitting in ours as she felt it regularly leads to more conflict if not followed plus it has to be reciprocal and it would force me to use exdh as a babysitter if I ever wanted to go out. It may be worth considering in your case if he is going to regularly pull stunts like this.

    ETA just a thought - do you have a trusted friend (preferably who he doesn't know) who could answer the ad? Not a good long term solution, but it may get you out of a bind until you can work out how to stop him.
    Luckily we are in court next week so I will bring it up. He won't allow sleepovers in 'his time' , if I don't send him I am in breech of orders which will go against me and he picks him up from school whilst I am still working and I got my friend's daughter to answer the ad but he already has someone but won't forward me a Working With Children's check (because he wouldn't have asked for one). All I can do is safety plan with my son. Court can't come soon enough.

  5. #14
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    I would be so anxious (and angry), i have never left any of my children with a complete stranger.

    Are you on speaking terms? Could you talk to him about it and explain why you don't think its a good idea?

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  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Taiyed View Post
    I'm not sure how parenting orders work - but could you just tell ex that DS is sick and can't visit? Then he can stay home with you and ex presumably won't want to look after a 'sick' DS.
    Unfortunately the court assumes that both parents can look after a sick child equally as well. Even if ds was sick, his dad would still leave him with a babysitter

  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by thepouts View Post
    I would be so anxious (and angry), i have never left any of my children with a complete stranger.

    Are you on speaking terms? Could you talk to him about it and explain why you don't think its a good idea?
    The man doesn't reply to my texts let alone speak to me in general. He grunts. My opinion doesn't count.

  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    Bummer. You definitely need to bring it up in court next week. Can you send a phone with your son so he can contact you if need be?
    Ds has his bag checked by his dad in the school grounds every time he gets picked up and I would hate for him to get in trouble for trying to hide it. I have written my number on the inside of his hat and told him to call from the landline or he can run next door. He knows it's ok to call police too.

  10. #18
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    I know it might seem like I have an answer for every good suggestion but this man's behavior is ridiculous which is why we have been in court for more than 2 years!

  11. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by btmac View Post
    Oh boy yes this would stress me out. I'm glad you're in court next week but sorry you have to face this now. How much trouble would you be in with the ex if you pop around and check on DS? Could you use a forgotten item as a pretence for being there? A book or toy?
    The last time FOB pulled a similar stunt I asked the police to do a child safety check, which I am entitled to do, and his gf tried to take out an avo on the grounds of intimidation and harassment (which of course I did neither of). I would never step foot on their property.

  12. #20
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    Any tips btmac for surviving? I don't think I can cope with his cr@p for the next 16 years!


 

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